Hello. I'm a 27 y/o male from Tennessee. I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to in the real world so I signed up here. I guess I'm technically bicurious, but I was attracted to men at an earlier age than women. I'm cisgender and have been straight all my life, but always have had fantasies and attractions I've never mentioned to anyone. I'm not certain how to even begin learning about my own sexuality and needs. I've recently signed up for some websites/apps to talk to people, maybe meet someone, but none seem to be what I need. I'm not looking for a relationship, and everyone I've talked to is either wanting something serious, or an instant hookup. I have chatted with some very sweet guys that could become friends or more, but I'm too nervous to meet them in person. I'm an attractive and very fit guy, I'm very open about sex and can be overly flirty, especially online. I get tons of messages on these websites and honestly I enjoy the attention, but I feel so weak because I'm terrified to meet a guy. I don't want a typical date and I'm worried about being in public, even though I don't mind what people suspect. In my relationships and sex with women, I've always been the one who is dominant, but with guys I feel like it's the opposite. I want to meet someone attractive, but sweet and slow, and helpful as I learn about everything. I'm also physically picky, I guess. I'm attracted to a certain type and only that type, where with women I like a wide variety. I don't know how to move into this world and experiment. It seems like I'm too old even though I'm only 27, but many guys have figured themselves out as a teenager. I'm late to the game and can't seem to find the right person to ease in with, and when i find him, I'm going to be too nervous to move it from online to the real world. I don't know what I'm asking here, I guess I'm venting about a silly problem, but it's something that's been depressing me lately.
Hi brundlefly! Welcome to EC (&&&) Feel free to post a lot! Also, if you need someone to talk to, post a message on my wall
In no way is your problem silly. In fact, the good news is, it's not really a problem. You seem to accept your attractions, and want to actually try them out. I'm all in favor of finding guys who want to help you get started, but since you're shy--can I suggest a slight detour? Is there a local group PFLAG, some Facebook group, a college LGBT organization, something like that, that you could contact and maybe attend some meetings or events? Not so much to hook up, but to get comfortable with socializing with people who are gay or gay friendly. If your description of yourself is accurate, you'll find you're very marketable on your local meat market. However, it sounds like you need someone who isn't the local Don Juan to get you started. So, about those sweet guys you mentioned. At some point, try to find one you can meet, in some neutral location, and see if you can connect. I know you say your shy, but maybe the step above will bring you out a bit and then you will be willing to try it. And no, 27 is not over the hill. You'll find that out. :icon_wink
Thanks for the suggestions. I think a group would be even more anxiety inducing than meeting someone privately, I've never been good with social groups of any kind. I understand people deal with far more complex issues with their sexuality than this, so to me it seems silly that it's bothering me so much. I have friends and family who wouldn't really care if they knew, I don't seem to have trouble getting attention, I'm not dealing with any of the problems transgender people go through, and like you've said I've accepted myself and don't have that struggle. I'm simply too shy to meet people, and uneducated about how someone even meets people of the same sex without bars, hookup focused apps, etc. I feel like everyone my age has expectations already, and what I'm wanting is too juvenile and boring. I feel confident, flirt, etc with a guy online until he asks to meet in person, then I suddenly get incredibly nervous and don't know how to respond. I get tons of message daily from guys simply complimenting me, wanting to hookup, flirting but aren't the type I'm wanting, so I'm "marketable" and all the attention has made me feel better about exploring this, but I need a friend more than to get laid. I didn't mean to sound arrogant in the first post, I'm not the most attractive guy, I'm a geeky, freckled pale boy with my own self-esteem issues, but since my hobbies are very competitive in strength and physique, I'm more muscular than the average gymrat, so that's the reason I seem to get attention. I get attention from a picture online, but in a room with people, I'm quiet and shy, with poor conversational skills. If I wanted to hookup, that doesn't seem to be a problem but I can't do that sort of thing. Browsing around here makes me feel like my situation is exceptionally dumb, people are dealing with real problems. But it's also making me feel a little better to at least read other posts. I don't have any close gay friends or anything to talk to. I overthink things a little too much.
The way you've described things, it appears we have quite a bit in common when it comes to social capabilities. I can relate especially to your comment that you need friends somewhat more than hookups. There's a forum on-line called socialanxietysupport (you can google this), which is an interesting forum that is populated with individuals who have problems establishing social relationships and interaction. Maybe reading some material there would be thought provoking. It's quite true that this problem is distinct from sexual orientation, and affects all areas of life. The problem you've concisely described is not dumb nor is it any more trivial than other concerns. Social skills are a gateway to many of life's activities. In my case, I've learned quite a few of them by rote, so as I aged I was able to "fit in" in situations such as the work place a bit more, but I also overthink and struggle with close personal relationships. It sounds to me like you're able to realistically assess your challenges. Try to establish small, important steps to overcoming some of the social phobias, and tackle them one at a time.
Welcome! Don't worry about your thoughts and feelings, they're perfectly normal. As you get acquainted with the website, you'll see you're not alone and it's perfectly fine to ask any questions or express any feelings you might have. Happy posting!
