This is the first time I have told anyone the truth about how my sexuality has changed over the past month. I'm a 42 year old woman, unmarried, no kids. All of my life I've been attracted to men--dated men, had sex with men, desired men etc. I never even dreamed of having sex with women or even considered it for a moment. However, a month ago, May 12th to be exact, I found myself in love with (or more like infatuated with) and strongly desiring a very beautiful and smart woman I had admired for a long time. My reaction to her was visceral and uncontrollable, but also specifically sexual. It surprised me because I've NEVER felt this type of deep attraction to any man. At first I thought--this is just a phase, I'm being ridiculous, I don't really love or even want to be with this woman. Then after I couldn't stop thinking about her or stop being turned on by her, I thought--maybe I am just attracted to this particular woman. But then I started being attracted to other women, random women on the street, women I would meet at events. A lesbian (or someone I assume is lesbian because of her butch appearance) openly flirted with me, touching my skin so softly every chance she got--her touches drove me wild. But I didn't know really what to do, and got nervous when she subtly asked me out. I have never done any of this before, and that was only a week after I had suddenly found myself wanting to have sex with women. Now it's over a month later and I find myself surrounded by lesbians. Haha No, really. It's like the universe is sending lesbians to me or maybe the lesbians pick up that I'm really into women. I really don't know. I still feel so scared. What if this is some type of mid-life crisis? What if I get with a woman and decide I'm not really into it after all. I don't want to create drama in other people's lives. But I don't see this feeling going away, it is just getting stronger. And what about my attraction to men? I still find myself sexually attracted to some men I meet. I can still see myself having sex with them but I really prefer women right now. That's how I feel. Anyway, I guess I just needed someone to talk to. Someone to say I'm not crazy (or that I am crazy). I was thinking that maybe I should just start slow--kiss a girl or something first and see how that goes and move forward from there. I think I'm looking for advice on how I should move forward. Thanks for listening.
Hi FreedomSeeker, Welcome to EC. I don't know how much help I can be, but I'll give it a go. There are some elements of your situation I can relate to. You're not crazy. How you feel, is how you feel. Whilst questioning, I know I've felt crazy at times too. You could explain how you're feeling to any potential new partner, so they know you're unsure. Also, there's no need to rush into anything. However, I know how it feels when you need to know. You could be bisexual. As before, no need to rush into anything. I've found reading posts on EC, and posting questions very helpful. There are some very insightful folks on EC, and you are not alone. Some people get all the luck! :icon_bigg
Thank you so much for your response. You're advice is sound. I think I will just let whoever I'm with know what I'm feeling. So now I guess it's just a matter of getting out there and meeting someone. I'm attracted to the woman who was touching me and driving me crazy but she has a lot of dark issues that I felt I might not be able to deal with. There's another woman who I think may be attracted to me but I think I overheard someone say she had a partner. And then of course there is the woman I'm infatuated with--we don't really know each other but I know someone that is close to her. Big obstacle--she's in a relationship with a man. There is this one woman who made it clear that she thought I was attractive, she seems quite young but maybe I will give her a try. Anyway, I'm so nervous. Wish me luck.
I resonate with all you said. I fell for a woman; one whom I thought I only admired. I have never felt that intensely for a man. Was it love or deep infatuation? Who knows. I wanted her so bad on some nights, that it hurt. I'd have to toss and turn until the feelings went away (I had a husband right next to me). I do enjoy sex with men, but dang, I wanted her. I'm able to have crushes on women on TV more freely and I do find I survey the women around me, more often. So far, no serious attraction because I have to know the woman first. Honestly, I can't wait to find a women whom I share a spark of attraction. It's confusing. Just wanted to say I resonate with all you said with the exception of the being surrounded by lesbians, lol. I know how confusing it can be.
It's good to know I'm not alone. I've gone from feeling anxious to feeling really scared in just one day. Last night I was looking at personal ads for women seeking women and I was really hurt when I saw someone say they didn't want anyone bi. Then I researched bisexuality and realized that bi people are outcasts of everyone. Well, I took the Kinsey test and it says I'm bi a #3 right in the middle. That made me afraid. And for a moment I thought if this is all real my life is going to become hell. Can I just continue to be straight? Well, the problem is that my attraction for women has grown and grown. Maybe I'm really just a lesbian? I really don't know. I was going to go to the Dyke parade today but I was really in a foul mood, plus I was too afraid too so I didn't go. But I am going to the Pride parade tomorrow. It will be the first time I've ever attended Pride. I feel so nervous about it but also excited. I'm just trying to take it all one day at a time but at the same time I feel that I need to rush so that I can get this all figured out and get on with my life. I did look up a counselor who specializes in helping people who are questioning their sexuality. I plan to schedule an appointment this coming week. Wish me luck. Trying to stay calm.
I am going through a similar thing - I feel like I don't want to be bi but I feel like I am. And I also haven't found a woman I have that spark with, and at my age it may be time to give up. I even know a lot of lesbians too, though none of them have asked me out. And I also worry about getting with someone and finding I'm not into it, though I worry about that in particular less lately. But it is extremely hard for me to accept being bi. (I don't think it's easier to be bi than to be lesbian objectively of course, I just mean I think I would find it easier to come out as lesbian than bi.) So yes I can relate to a lot of your post. I really hope you're able to work things through with the counselor.
I just have to say I'm jealous that the universe is sending you lesbians. I can't seem to find them anywhere! It's like they're all hiding.
I just got back from my first Pride parade EVER!(!) I had such a great time. I actually felt like totally great about "possibly" (it feels weird to say I'm bisexual/lesbian without a qualifier because I've never had sex with a women) being bisexual/lesbian and it almost felt like I was out of the closet and everyone knew that I was at least questioning my sexuality, except of course no one actually knows that. :lol: But...I imagine that some people looked at me there and just assumed I was gay or at least bisexual and the world didn't explode. :icon_wink I feel so good. I'm so glad I went. I met one lesbian there, and initially she and her friend weren't very friendly but when I walked up to her and introduced myself she warmed up. I made it a point to introduce myself to at least one lesbian at the parade so I achieved my goal. You know, I was thinking...I actually look very "femme" (I wear soft colors, dresses, makeup, heels, etc.) so most people assume I'm just into men, so maybe they didn't assume I was lesbian or bisexual. Who knows! I guess it doesn't really matter, I'm just taking it one day at a time, and today was a good day. One a side note, well not actually side...I'm beginning to think that I've always been into women and just suppressed that side of me. Maybe since I was also attracted to men, I just ignored my attraction to women. I believe that because of some of the memories that are now popping up as I accept and embrace my sexual attraction to women. The funny thing also is that I find myself feeling even more free sexually and noticing random men in a sexual way where before for a while I was feeling sexually shut down. I know I'm rambling but bear with me. It's kind of weird to now find myself checking both men and women out. It's actually kind of freaking cool!
I'm so glad you had a good time at Pride. I think it's very possible for people to suppress same-sex attraction.
I made my appointment with the therapist. She's LGBT and specializes in people who are questioning their sexual orientation. I will be meeting with her this week. I'll let you guys know what happened. I'm ready to tackle this issue head on! Thanks for all the support. I'll be using this thread for all my updates.
