So, I have zero experience with men (or women for that matter). And well I met this guy online. He is older than me (he is 45, I am 22). And I told him I am not interested because he is older, but he started giving me advice, and he told me the following, and i need your opinion on it: I loved men and only men since forever, but I am married with children. I see men all the time, we have all kinds of sex together. But let me bestow an advice to you son: love between two men is impossible. Men only love sex and they only care for that, I've been with hundreds of men who were cheating on their boyfriends. Love is a lie! It has no basis for love between two men. There is love only between a man and a woman. He claimed also that one can easily get aroused by a woman, if only they start kissing and having somekind of sex. He prefers men, but he says he can do it with women as well... So that's why he is married... This makes me depressed, I really don't like it... Is this true? Because my physical attraction towards men is trivial, I felt genuine emotions towards men. I've never been in love, but I'd like to...
To be completely honest the guy has cheated on his wife dozens of times, probably behind her back. He has probably been in the closet for 45 years, which is definitely not emotional healthy at all. Doesn't sound like he like is in the best state of mind. Guys online can be sketchy and just looking for NSA sex. There is also huge bias - closet cases who aren't happy with their lives tend to lurk on hook up/date apps. So I'm calling BS. Just because that's the way he feels doesn't mean every gay guy feels that way. ****Obviously I made a lot of assumptions here. But I'm not trying to saying that every gay guy or every guy in the closet is like this.
Ya he's full of shit. I am fully and unconditionally in love with my boyfriend. I think its possible that a lot of people will be able to have meaningless sex with both sexes regardless of orientation. In fact, people often have sexual responses during abuse even with no physical attraction. It is just the bodies way of responding to situations. However, I don't think sex is an indicator or prelude to love, and love, in my opinion is very very possible between any two people regardless of gender.
He could be bisexual as well, but regardless we'll never know his sexual orientation. I can say for myslef that love between two men is certainly possible, as I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months now. Initially it was more of a sexual attraction, but it's much more than than that now. We want to be there for each other, grow with each other, and help each other. Whether it be happiness or sadness, we will lean on each other. You'll find someone, there's a perfect timing for everything.
If I'm feeling charitable, I'll say that his own guilt and shame generated from being in the closet and lying to everyone in his life have created the poisoned mindset he's expressing as well as creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because if he were to feel love for a man it would shatter the illusion he's clinging to with all hands/feet/teeth to make his existence bearable. If I'm feeling uncharitable, I'll say he's full of crap. If I'm feeling especially uncharitable and cynical I'd wonder how much his 'advice' is intended to try to manipulate you into getting into a mindset in which he can seduce you. Incidentally, assuming you've expressed his stated reasoning accurately, then he's claiming that his proof that love between two men is impossible is because he's helped guys cheat on their boyfriends - while ignoring that he's cheating on his wife and that plenty of straight people cheat on each other with other straight people...Not the most well thought out line of reasoning basically. Anyway. I have been in a monogamous relationship with my husband for about 20yrs now. I love him very much. I have been in love with others before meeting him and have also done some amount of casual sex, including some where I didn't know (nor care) what the guy's name was. So I think I can safely say I know the difference between what it feels like to have it not work work out with someone who is just a hookup and having it not work out with someone you care about (the latter situation involves tears and being depressed - the former maybe a case of blue balls, worst case). Bottom line: This guy is wrong. Follow your feelings and it's entirely possibly that you may fall in love with a guy (who falls in love with you) one day. Todd
The half-truth in what he wrote was that it is difficult, for men to find loving relationships with other men. The un-truth is that love between men does not exist. You can disprove that statement by just looking around. You will see situations where both platonic and romantic love exist between men. This is not to say you will find it with no effort as a gay man. The value you can draw from what he wrote is to try and learn from his mistakes. Don't, for example, get married to a woman, if you think there is a likelihood you will prefer emotional relationships with men. Also, although others can disagree I'd not expect substantial attachments to be found in that censored (*****) social media application. Your best opportunities for friendship will be found in 3D social organizations.
I'm just a woman saying this..but his writing seems more manipulative than any advice. I would also be offended/creep out he called her son lol Yea there is advice to gain from what he said but the advice in between the text. 1) Don't Marry someone when you are still dealing with your sexuality. 2) Don't mess with these people online. Some people are going to disagree with me but you are less likely to find something substantial from someone online than having met them through hobbies or friends. In addition he has messed with questionable men. These men right from the beginning who he was dealing with were most likely already the type not looking to make any serious connection with another human being. If you are looking for a hook-up online then okay do it. But, there is a higher chance of meeting a person who is already in a relationship deceiving their significant other and you. In addition most of these people are going to come up with fake names. The arousal part..I can't speak on when it comes to male anatomy because I am missing something prominent. But, I am doubtful someone can stay arouse long enough during sex when they aren't even into woman. Add him to your block list. But, honestly his wife could already know about this without him having told her even if she doesn't fully know he's cheating with men. She probably already knows he is cheating with someone. You can only con someone for so long.
I think 108 and Todd's more cynical side are probably spot-on. The guy is completely full of shit. I hate manipulative assholes like that. Look at who he's been with. Men with no integrity who are cheating on their wives. Of course these people have no concept of what real love is (him included) so it's no wonder that's his perception. It is true that men (straight and gay) tend to have difficulties with vulnerability. Men are conditioned from an early age not to show emotion. And without emotion and vulnerability, there can be no authentic love because authentic love requires connection, which requires vulnerability. I'd run the other way from this guy.
Exqueeze me? While it's true that a scary amount of men venture in relationships without any feelings for their counterpart (just to have sex), this is an outrageous statement. As long as there are countless couples that have healthy loving relationships you simply cannot say love between two men is impossible. I advise avoiding aromantic people if you want a long term committed relationship.
Thank you guys... I guess that he is trying to manipulate me. But on the other hand you are right to pinpoint that he is also convincing himself that love is impossible. That's the only way to keep himself in harmony with the lies he is living in. We should be cautious towards people like this... Thank you all once again!
I would surmise that the very existence of this site and of marriage equality proves that love can happen between two men. It sounds to me as if this man really doesn't understand the meaning or application of love. That and sketchy as fudge.
Me and my boyfriend are so much in love with each other and even sex is optional. He's so wrong. Maybe there are people (not only men) who care only about sex, but there are also those who actually love.
