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How to calm down and accept myself

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by RyeTheDauphin, Jul 27, 2016.

  1. RyeTheDauphin

    Regular Member

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    So, as I've said in a few other forum posts already, I've had a couple of epiphanies and realized that I'm most likely a trans dude. Sure, the dysphoria hasn't been as strong or as long-lasting as other people's and I definitely have an effeminate side even if I am male, but...let's just say I get it now. I get that what I want in the future is to be seen as male, and it actually explains a lot about the self-hatred and mental disconnect I've felt for the past 2.5 years or so.

    The trouble is that I can't really accept it yet. I'm mostly sure, but I'm still doubting myself. I think it's because that I'm scared of being trans because I'm anticipating disappointing my friends and family and pissing off a lot of people. I'm also scared that in the end, I'll be wrong and have to detransition, which needless to say would be an awful thing to go through. It isn't like sexuality where you can argue that it's on a spectrum and can change - it's more complicated and irreversible than that.

    I can't stop coming up with any argument to support the fact that I'm not trans, which wouldn't be a problem except that I know that they're mostly false and insubstantial. For example, 'you don't feel dysphoric all the time about these specific things, therefore you aren't trans' or 'you act like this, which is acting like a girl, therefore you aren't trans.

    I've also tried to deliberately dress in feminine styles multiple times to try and test how I feel about them. I wouldn't say that they make me anxious or depressed exactly - at worst, it feels mildly uncomfortable and gives me a sense of disconnect, like this girl is technically pretty and smart but she just isn't me. It doesn't help that I'm starting to suspect that wearing dresses and being 'emasculated' is something I like in a sexual way, so sometimes I actually enjoy wearing feminine stuff which I just end up using as further evidence against my transness.

    So...what do? I've considered seeking counselling but I don't want to tell my parents and have to find/pay for someone outside school and I don't know if the school counsellors would be qualified and equipped to help me out. How can I stop thinking like this and work out/accept for sure wtf is going on? :help:

    As always, any advice is much appreciated, and thanks in advance. :icon_bigg
     
  2. SystemGlitch

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    As a feminine transman who enjoys wearing women's underwear for sexual purposes (and would punch anyone who tried to tell me that makes me a woman), what you are feeling is entirely valid and does not change the fact that you could be a transman. Gender is about what you feel inside. If you feel male, the likelihood is that you are male! Crippling dysphoria isn't a be-all-end-all requirement - if you feel happier and more at ease as male then I'd still consider you trans. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Pistachio

    Regular Member

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    Just wanted to say that I'm going through the same thing. It's hard, but it's part of the process, and someday the doubts will lessen. Hang in there (*hug*)
     
  4. Rickystarr

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Some people
    You know I wore men's boxers since I was like 14, but when my girlfriend complained about it, I started wearing women's underwear (nothing girly, just underwear made for women) for like, six months or something and it kind of turned me on...It was weird, but somewhat erotic. I would look at myself in the mirror in them a lot and...whatnot. I just thought I'd throw that out since you guys mentioned it and I've never really talked about that before lol. I don't wear them anymore and I've taken to wearing men's briefs. They feel more normal. I'm glad to not wear boxers anymore at least.
     
    #4 Rickystarr, Jul 27, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2016