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I have a major problem

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by FieryTemperGold, Aug 28, 2016.

  1. FieryTemperGold

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    So This co-worker I work with and we started to become friends, just regular friends. well after a while. Now I never really had any friends at all, I have work friends but we just chit chat a bit and that's it really but there is something different about this. I consider my self straight and he is straight as well, we both had girlfriends in the past, but now its different. I started to play this game I know he likes, mostly because I know he likes the game so I can get in a better friend zone with him, but after listening to one of my favorite songs called "Video Games" at the end I realized that through out that song I was imagining him and me "together" he is pretty tall that's when it worked to well when the lyrics were: "Hold me in his big arms." as a reference to his long arms and I wanted to see that happen. and now I can't stop thinking about him. I do see me and him just try kissing in my car sometimes in my imagination. So in short what happened. A lonely straight guy fell in love with another straight guy. If there are any questions I will answer them. Thank You.
     
  2. Guff

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    Having a fantasy about him doesn't really mean anything. Unless you're like actually crushing on him. Outside your mini fantasy are you thinking about him and wanting to date him? I've fantasized about straight relationships before, it doesn't really change anything.



    Though maybe you're bisexual and mostly like girls? Only you can really know.
     
  3. Quantumreality

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    As Guff, said, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything. Some straight guys get off on Gay Porn because it’s ‘mysterious’ and ‘forbidden,’ but they would never actually engage in sexual acts with another man. Porn is fantasy, not reality.

    Wanting to be held like you describe is a very common fantasy for people of all sexual orientations. Sometimes we all just want to be held close and feel safe. My (straight) best friend has done that for me on occasion and there is absolutely nothing sexual about it. It’s a comfort thing.

    Kissing - real kissing, not pecks - would be another level.

    It does kind of sound like you are crushing on him, but unless both of you are willing to experiment, your fantasies may be as far as this goes. Are you willing to approach him with any of this? Even in a ‘joking’ manner to gauge his reaction?
     
    #3 Quantumreality, Aug 28, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2016
  4. FieryTemperGold

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    Honestly, No I don't want to approach him at all about this, If I do there is a very good chance it will ruin all the work I made to get friends with him. He is pretty much the only friend I got. But what I also don't know is does he feel the same way about me because no one ever has been this nice to me at all. In fact I am working on a way for him to invite me somewhere as friends to hang-out outside of work.
     
  5. Guff

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    Just ask yourself and be honest LOL Are you attracted to that dude on a more than liking his personality sort of level?
     
  6. FieryTemperGold

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    Yes

    ---------- Post added 29th Aug 2016 at 09:33 AM ----------

    But as a result i do have two questions i need to figure out. How do i find out if he likes me the same way and how do get to the point where we can be together that way?
     
  7. Quantumreality

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    Then you probably need to find a way to see how he feels about it. Through talking to a discrete mutual friend, asking him directly (which you said you didn't want to do), or through whatever avenues your particular situation may offer. Otherwise, you might just have to live with keeping this all basically to yourself. (Other than what you share with us, of course, because we are here to listen.):slight_smile:

    There is no way to get to the point that you can be together with him in that way unless you find out his feelings about it AND he returns those feelings. The flip side is that if you can figure out a way to learn his feelings about this and he doesn't return them, you probably can still be 'just' his friend, if that won't be too frustrating for you.

    ---------- Post added 29th Aug 2016 at 12:12 PM ----------

    Another question: has he ever suggested hanging out at a place or in such a manner that would suggest more romantic intentions? I.e. going to places or doing things together that are a bit more intimate than 'guys just hanging out' would normally do? Like, I dunno, dinner at a more formal, romantic place instead of just grabbing a burger or ordering a pizza together? Walks in a park or on a beach where the two of you can just talk (unless he had a specific issue he wanted your opinion on which required privacy)? And so on.
     
    #7 Quantumreality, Aug 29, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2016
  8. FieryTemperGold

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    No he hasn't said anything of the kind, but that is my current goal. That's why I started playing the game. I knew he played it but he didn't know that I knew it. My goal is that by me starting playing the game it would open some doors for us to hang out anywhere.
     
  9. Anthemic

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    I would just take things slow. If he likes you the same way, then he will probably show signs. Don't tell him how you feel just yet. Because it could ruin the friendship you two have. Just keep hanging out with him and maybe it will become something more. If you notice that he does certain things that make you think he likes you, let us know and we will try to give you advice. :slight_smile:
     
  10. FieryTemperGold

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    That is exactly what I am currently doing just playing things cool about it and seeing where it is going. and sorta inching my way up.
     
  11. FieryTemperGold

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    Not to long ago I started opening the door about my high school past. Which was terrible. Maybe I am going places with this, maybe with this he can trust me enough to tell me how he really feels with me. Does anyone have any advice on how I should start telling him my current predicament after we start opening up to eachother about terrible events in our past and rough days.
     
  12. Anthemic

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    Just keep a level head and treat him like a really good friend. If he likes you, then it will work out.
     
  13. FieryTemperGold

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    That's what I have been doing so far. It has been working out really well.
     
  14. Anthemic

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    That's great! Now let's hope he gets the guts and tells us what we all want to hear. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  15. FieryTemperGold

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    Last night I had a really hard time sleeping. All I could think about was him. In fact yesterday I would drive over to where I work on my day of just so I could drive him home since he doesn't drive. I went over there twice yesterday. First time was because I wanted to see how he was doing, but I made the excuse I had to check my schedule. And on that time I gave him a compliment card but pretended I was a customer because he never got one yet, I'm not going to tell him I gave him it unless he gets suspicious. I also told some other people that I had to check my schedule so it wouldn't be suspicious in any way, And then I went over there again with the hopes I could drive him home but the excuse this time was because I had to tell the manager's my college schedule. (Which I had to do anyways but it could of waited until the next day. I just thought of it in the car on the way over.) I did have to wait a bit because I didn't know if he made plans for a ride or not. I ended up giving him a ride but he was having a rough day anyways, so I felt like I helped him a bit there. But also keep in mind he told me his high school past but I didn't tell him mine yet. I'm not sure he wants to know all the details of that.
     
  16. faustian1

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    This does highlight the "lonely" in the phrase "lonely straight guy." You have it for him bad, don't you?

    And listen. I'm somebody who knows. I could match your story and then some. So I'm qualified to say this could end badly. Or not. Maybe he's into you in that way too. But, if it does end badly, you're going to be a mess (yes, I know this from experience...it'll be 30 years next year since). So much that I'd worry about you.

    You said it yourself. You are in love with him. It's probably a good idea to think about getting that out, and either getting it on or getting it over with. I'm really cheering for you, because I know just how this is, I really do. I'm not judging you (I couldn't, as it could easily be me right now in your position), but I am worried about you.
     
  17. FieryTemperGold

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    Well it's official, between me and the guy I liked Kudos to me! I ruined it. I went there around 10:30 to pick up some stuff and I offered to give him a ride home and he agreed, and when I went there to pick him up at 6:30. He wasn't there. I asked around he gone home maybe sick, but no one knew for sure. He left before 2 that was for sure. All I can say I ruined it, I ruined a relationship and even more importantly I ruined a friendship. This happens every time. I feel so excited about being a friend to someone and I push to far and I end up ruining it. But this time I learned my lesson, I just will just have to live without any friends at all, Assuming that I do that. So good news, no one needs to follow this forum chat anymore, I'll just die alone. Peace out!
     
  18. Quantumreality

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    FieryTemperGold, why do you think you've "ruined it?" Nothing you posted shows any bad on you. If he really went home early because he was sick, then he was sick.

    Maybe you have more information that you didn't post, but if this is all you know, I don't quite understand why you would go into a sudden despair mode...

    ---------- Post added 31st Aug 2016 at 09:59 PM ----------

    And I doubt he's the ONLY friend you have and CERTAINLY not the only friend you CAN have!
     
  19. FieryTemperGold

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    I know this because I pushed to hard, I came in on all my days off and I'm willing to bet he thinks I came in just to talk to him, and now he is disgusted by the idea of where it is going, but this isn't the first time I did stuff like this, I am really good at ruining friendships. Usually I drive people away by jusy being me. And I was "Advancing" on him a little bit. Not to long ago he was smiling everytime I came to talk to him, and when I thought something was wrong he kept saying everything was fine, Even when I thought he was crying about something. But now he just seems annoyed with me which makes sense because I am pretty annoying.
     
  20. Quantumreality

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    Well, first off, I'd say you're primarily just projecting. Both on him and yourself. Unless you've talked to him, how do you KNOW how he feels about this right now? As for yourself, why do you want to focus on your perceived failures instead of your worth/value? Forgive me if I'm out of line, but that seems rather self-indulgent and very counterproductive. I certainly don't have any impression from your posts that you are a failure as a person nor totally unable to successfully form real relationships. Admittedly, I don't know you personally, but you express yourself well and very clearly in your texts. From that I take you to be a very intelligent and thinking, albeit somewhat overly emotional (from my point of view) person. Frankly, I don't see why you choose to be so down on yourself right now without (I presume) actually understanding the situation. (If you shoot before identifying the target, you are bound to miss... something we said in the military.)

    Try to cheer up! Nothing you've said sounds like the end of this relationship, let alone the World!:slight_smile: