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Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Nic0, Sep 26, 2016.

  1. Nic0

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    Hi, 16y.o. only accepted being gay about 3 months ago and coming from a very conservative household I will definitely not take the risk of asking for advice there..... so this is going to become my second bestfriend. How do I discern between being actually flirted with or just being "played" by a straight guy? Thanks for all advice.
     
  2. Gravity

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    If you know that they're actually straight, then I wouldn't try to pursue anything there. You will only spend time hanging your thoughts on someone who won't return your feelings, instead of pursuing other gay males.

    If his flirting is making you wonder, then you could perhaps ask him if he's straight or not, after the next time he does it. It's normally not considered very polite to just ask someone if they're gay/straight/etc., as it can be kind of an invasive question, but if he's putting it out there you can pick it up.

    Regardless, congrats on coming to terms with being gay! You've already made good progress. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Lora

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    Can you give more details about his actions? There's a difference between "just being nice or friendly" from "actual flirting." Sometimes we tend to misinterpret different signals or gestures. What does he do to you?
     
    #3 Lora, Oct 5, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2016
  4. Nic0

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    Thanks guys , sorry busy with exams etc.
    He (seemed joking) asked me on a date, but that scared me off. It was in public and I reasoned that he would try to do it privately if he was serious. Otherwise he keeps on donning a massive smile whenever he sees me, always keeps on trying to start up random conversations. It's confusing, 'cause he's kind of really exposed to negative things happening to him if he's gay etc. (he's a rugby player "bought" from another school). This also makes him seem "out of my league" me, being not the most " lovely to look at" person and because I advocate being gay I am also kind of persona non grata too. My own parents would also not take it well, should I come home with a guy, it's one of those "frowned upon" actions. He also lives in the school hostile. So we'll only see eachother at school. This type of distance has been the main factor in failing straight relationships that I tried before I knew that being gay is an actual " option" and not a damnable defect.

    Very complicated , I know. Thanks in advance, and for previous advice.
     
    #4 Nic0, Oct 23, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2016
  5. Patrick7269

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    Nic0,

    It's difficult to tell if a guy is hitting on you because a) guys are traditionally taught to not express feelings and b) there is so much homophobia, both internal and external, that will cause a man to disown his gayness. Both of these may be factors if your surroundings are fairly conservative or traditional.

    I would try to get closer to him as a friend and explore from there. Find out something he likes that you have in common, and see if you can spend time with him. If he's already making what you think are advances, accept his invitation to spend time together so that you can get to know him. I wouldn't do anything until you know him better. If he's interested he should give some kind of indication.

    You may also want to bring up the topic of gays and homosexuality indirectly, as a topic of conversation, and see how he reacts. If you have a current event or some other bit of news about gays that you can discuss, it might give you a way to see if he's open-minded. Of course this may not be reliable if he doesn't feel safe to be honest.

    Please be careful. If you are in a non-accepting environment there can be legitimate threats to your well-being. You may also be "hit on" by homophobes who only want to expose gays and torment them. Keep safe, and don't reveal too much too soon. Unfortunately you will need to just rely on your own best judgment to know how safe the situation is and whether this guy is genuinely interested, or at least safe.

    *warm hugs*

    Patrick
    Seattle, WA
     
  6. Nic0

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    Thanks, guess i'll just have to keep my mouth shut for now. I'll focus on getting an A for the time being.