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How to end a relationship?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by anthonybg, Sep 29, 2016.

  1. anthonybg

    anthonybg Guest

    So, I met this guy on a gay dating app. We've been chatting for some time. He's been through a lot just like me, we have similar interests and opinions about life. I've been in a relationship with him for over a month now but I don't feel physically attracted toward him. I guess most of you would ask why did I even start dating him if I didn't like him in the first place. Well, he's my very first boyfriend and I've never been in a relationship before. I wanted to see what it felt like to have someone who loves you and gives you the kind of attention you want. It was very exciting at first because we have much in common and I was super happy about it but it was more like finding a FRIEND, not a boyfriend. I'd waited for some time to see if I would feel something but I didn't. I don't really know what to tell him because I don't want to hurt his feelings but the sooner I tell him the truth, the less painful it'll be for both of us. I can tell he is in love, he texts me all the time, planning our future, saying how much he loves me and how I've changed him and I'm really scared of the consequences this might bring. I don't know why but the thought of me breaking his heart makes me shake and I get an uneasy and very weird feeling. That kind of feeling you get when you lose someone you genuinely like although to me, he only feels like a friend. I do value him as a person, I like his character but it's not love. Just mutual interests and opinions.

    So, how can I end this and not make him feel heartbroken? How can I make him not hate me afterwards? What is the right thing to do? I don't know how to proceed.

    Do you think I'm jerk for playing with his feelings? Am I shallow for not liking his appearance? Do i have the right to complain about that at all? :icon_sad:
     
    #1 anthonybg, Sep 29, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 30, 2016
  2. andimon

    Regular Member

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    You can't continue a relationship you know will fail at some point. You can't just force yourself to be attracted to someone.

    Yes, you have to end it. ASAP. You don't have the right to let him grow even more on you, it's just selfish.

    Yes, you have been wrong for not being clear at first about your intentions. Just hope he won't be super hurt.

    No, you can't try to keep being his friend afterwards, you have to let him move on.

    That's just my opinion though, you should think everything out really well before acting. I can't know how little you actually like him or whatever else.
     
  3. Creativemind

    Regular Member

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    You need to be honest right now. The sooner, the better. You cannot keep holding this off.

    This same problem happened between me and my ex, except I was in your boyfriend's position. It turned out that she never liked me in the first place, she only agreed to go out when I asked because she didn't want to hurt me. It was a big mistake since she ended up hurting me more than if she would have just rejected me.

    I was also in a relationship where I was in your position too. I realized I only liked her as a friend about a month in, while she liked me more. I was honest and told her as soon as I found out. We still remained friends for a long time (after allowing her some space) because of my honesty.

    Saying all this, I think you know what the right thing to do is. You have to tell him.
     
  4. Andrew99

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    Here give me the phone. I'll end it for you. :slight_smile: