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Bi? I think? Maybe? Help.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by GayNarwhal, Oct 20, 2016.

  1. GayNarwhal

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    For the past couple of years, I've fairly comfortably identified as bi. Up to that point, I honestly just thought that all straight girls were regularly attracted to the same sex and clearly that is just a normal thing to think a lot about (I may have misunderstood the idea of heterosexuality a bit....). My dad, brother, most of my cousins, etc. are all LGBT so it's not like I was unaware that being not straight was a thing I could be, but I think I just didn't want to acknowledge what being strongly sexually and romantically attracted to women as well as to men meant?

    Regardless, I've since started coming to terms with the idea that I'm not straight. Especially after starting university and immediately becoming friends with almost exclusively LGBT people (not even intentionally??), it just kind of clicked that actually these things i've always experienced have a meaning and such. But more recently I've also started to realise that I don't find male genitalia arousing in theory or practice? I am very attracted to men in every other regard, just not that detail. So, for example, I will be very happily hooking up with a man, but then when it gets to anything involving a penis, just feel ambivalent (on the giving or receiving end). But even the idea of touching female genitalia is arousing to me. However, as I've only made out with women and not done more, I can't say fully for practice in that regard.

    Also, while I have definitely formed strong emotional relationships with men before, I tend to do so much less frequently than with women but I'm not sure whether that even means anything? I often find that I become friends with men more easily, but--with the exception of a few people I've dated and a few close friends--tend not to form a deeper emotional bond. Whereas with women, I can form an emotional bond more easily. But at the same time, while I find women in general very attractive, I am slightly more often attracted to men besides the whole penis thing?

    Basically I think I'm just wondering whether the first bit regarding (cis) men being attractive in every way besides the whole penis thing is normal from the perspective of straight or bi women? I recently started casually seeing a guy (who is very nice and I find very attractive within the above described framework) and it has just stirred up all of this confusion that I'd suppressed for a while :/

    ---------- Post added 20th Oct 2016 at 03:02 PM ----------

    Forgot to add that I don't actually enjoy penetration particularly beyond occasionally fingering and that only very rarely. Like everything besides penetrative sex with either sex (mostly relevant to men here though) is fine and good, but penetrative sex is just like "meh, okay, I'll do it but like it's whatever"
     
  2. SkyWinter

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    Strange question, but what if you met a man who has a vagina? Would that change things for you?
     
  3. GayNarwhal

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    Probably should have clarified that the cis mention above isn't a limit on attraction, just that it only applies to cis men. But yeah, honestly I would be very happy with that, but would also feel slightly guilty about it? My twin brother is trans and queer, and I know he hates it when guys only like him because he has a vagina (he has had top surgery). So even though obviously I would never like someone for that reason, admitting that I would be particularly pleased if it turned out that way is weird?

    That made very little sense. Basically yeah a man with a vagina would be equally attractive to me as a cis man but with the added bonus of a vagina which is always a great bonus
     
  4. SkyWinter

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    And what about the opposite? How would you feel about a girl with a penis? Since you said you don't like them.
     
  5. GayNarwhal

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    I think because I don't dislike them I wouldn't be bothered, it just wouldn't add anything thrilling. So I'd find them attractive in every way but their penis wouldn't be the most thrilling part of that. Essentially it would be the same reaction in that regard as to a cis male body, but with a woman (because I'm attracted to various genders, I guess changing the scenario to a woman just doesn't feel like it changes anything?)
     
  6. SkyWinter

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    Hmm, well, I'm honestly not sure what to tell you. If you are attracted to men and women, that means you are bi.

    I've heard some gay men say they like the idea of a man with a vagina because it's not the penis they are attracted to, it's the maleness in general, but some people seem to have specific attraction to certain genitalia and not to others, and I really don't know why that is.

    So perhaps you just don't like penises, but the vast vast majority of men have them sooo.... if they turn you off that might be a problem being with men sexually.

    If you had to guess why don't you like them? Did the very first time you see one you thought "Nope"?
     
  7. SHACH

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    I'm pretty ambivalent to genetalia in general tbh.
     
    #7 SHACH, Oct 21, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2016
  8. Mihael

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    I don't think it's that odd or unusual. I obviosly don't care about genitals, but it's not something I heven't heard of, women not liking penetration but things like fingering instead.

    ---------- Post added 21st Oct 2016 at 02:07 AM ----------

    Many don't find being penetrated enjoyable because of thier anatomy, sensitivity and so on.
     
  9. GayNarwhal

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    It's been quite a few years since I first encountered a penis admittedly, but I think I was just like "oh." So not "Nope no get it away" so much as "oh, okay, that's what creates that bump" (I really only like penises as a thing that creates a sort of bump when under clothing, once them come out I'm like oh uh I suppose I'm meant to touch that then).

    ---------- Post added 21st Oct 2016 at 06:47 AM ----------

    Okay, that's actually reassuring re: some women not liking penetration more as an anatomy thing than a sexuality thing. Because I definitely just really don't like the feeling of anything significant re: penetration, which would address part of the whole not particularly wanting a piv sex despite finding men attractive idea
     
  10. falconfalcon

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    Hun, if you enjoy sexual activity, non penetrative or whatever, with both women and men - that's bisexuality. Which is perfectly normal. Its perfectly normal to be bisexual.

    You ok? :wink: