My dad died when I was 12. I still miss him. My mom did not want me to be bi or Gay and well weather it was due to mom or me I dated a girl in college. We got married and stayed that way for 14 years. She and I divorced, and I really did love her. Never did anything with a guy ever. I survived incest as a child by several family members, and did not get to develop my sexuality on my own. I wish I would have been able to. I was attracted to boys as a teen, but also loved being with my wife. It was very confusing. I still wanted to be a dad. Not in the cards. Second wife was not good to me at all. So then I ended up in abusive situations with men. Even more confused now. After 8 years of men hurting me and using me I decided to go with someone who loved me no matter what the gender. I found a woman that was hurt in her past too. Our first date was 15 hours long. I marred here a year later. She came out to me as lesbian. We had sex while dating and a few times after honey moon. I am okay with it all. Making tons of friends. A few intimate ones. Trevin Michael
Hey Trevin Welcome to EC. You mentioned that you have been in abusive situations with men and are even more confused now. You identify as bisexual. Is your confusion that you are wondering if you are gay and not bi? Have you had any counseling to try and understand why you become involved in abusive relationships?
I got in relationships because I thought they loved me. Nothing I did caused the abuse. I am in counseling yes. The reason for abusive relationships is an abusive person in that relationship. They plan things out and look nice in the beginning. I identify as bi due to the fact I was married and enjoyed sex for 14 years and was not with men. If I had to live with a label today even though I am married and not having sex with my current wife. It would be gay. I just cannot dismiss years of being with someone that is female.
I want to avoid falling into an abusive trap with men. Do you know the watchout signs to help people avoid guys that could be abusive? One guy I did meet and dated was nice at first and then he started to try and cut me down about my appearance. Everyone usually compliments me in my appearance but he would cut me down and play mind games that always made me seem like I was the bad guy when I hadnt even done anything. He did tell me he was in a previous abusive relationship with a guy (physical I think) but we never really went into it in great detail. I cut things off with him beacuse I couldnt take the mean things he said to me and felt the while situation was weird. Another guy also tried to cut me down. I was making progress in getting in better shape and he said it was not that great and called me fat and I am far from fat. It was just so odd and blantantly untrue. I stopped talking to him as well. He also played mind games and caused little drama fights out of nowhere he said to test and see if I really would be loyal to him. I seemed to have attracted these people ans I know I desperately wanted to feel love from a guy so I was accepted less than what I even wanted in the first place as they were not even my types. I know these were early signs of abuse. How can you avoid people like this? Any tips to spot off an abuser? I find that guys that are not on my level always try and tear me down. So I try to date my "types" that are on my level but out of lonliness I have dated these bums. Any advice?
for one an abuser comes after others that seem weak surround yourself with good people is someone is a bit too eager to be with you keep some space do not let others know you were hurt by others so quick they look for the weak link
I thought I had BFs but when I figured out I was actually abducted and tricked by a few of them, I do not consider any of those men Boy Friends.
Age helps significantly with acceptance. I joined today at age sixty-eight. The human capacity for self-delusion is infinite. I did not recognize until my late 40s that I was bisexual, a Kinsey Scale One or Two. I've been married to a woman for 45 years; we have two adult girls, both around 40. I came out to my wife when I knew what I was. She told me I was worse than a child -molester, that I had been having sex with men throughout our marriage, and that I was gay because there is no such thing as bisexual. At the time I was in the midst of a 24 year major depression, as well as an emotionally abusive relationship with my wife. My wife's problem with me wasn't my orientation, it was that I wasn't her. I didn't think or react like her, so I was abnormal. We separated two years ago for seven months when I told her the abuse was done; I would tolerate it no more. My adult children accepted my orientation supportively. My wife, now in her sixties, has decided to live with it; after two years of counseling she has become much less abusive. I have never acted on my attraction to men. I would't be unfaithful with a woman, why would I be unfaithful with a man? In my sixties, I'm comfortable with who I am. I write fiction across a number of genres (drama, mystery, comedy, LGBT).
You can be gay even if you're living in a heteronormative marriage. I might not have married a man if i had been more honest with myself 15 years ago. But here i find myself in this committed relationship. Now that I'm more honest/accepting of myself I realize that I'm gay, but this hetero life is the path I'm on.
I am not one for labels to begin with. As far as the one man who ended up abducting me 10 years ago, he said he cared and wanted me in his life. He also got me fired from my job which forced me to have to find a new place to live. Two weeks prior to me being fired he told me if I ever needed a place to live I could live with him. People do a whole lot of things to get someone in their life. I fell in love with people male and female they did not love me the same way. ---------- Post added 1st Mar 2017 at 01:19 PM ---------- I live every day to my best ability. People will try to control things but in reality they have no control over another person. If the people in my past would have showed me they wanted to stay in my life I would have let them. I have learned a great deal over the last 35 years of my adult life. Most of it was enjoyable. Every now and then things happen to us all including me, but then there are better times too. Like a hug from my grand children.
you are welcome life brings many things good along with sad and painful, I am still glad for many more things than I am sad over
Abducted as in locked me up in a house. Tricked as in pretended to care about and be my friend. This happened in 2006. I did get away from him. ---------- Post added 7th Jun 2017 at 11:33 AM ---------- To answer an earlier question I was looking for love. Confusion is over orientation. With abuse by men and women at an early age I feel I was not allowed to learn about my own sexuality on my own.
