Hidy ho all, So here goes...all my life, I've been attracted to women. There has been the ocasional image, which I now realize was a gay image, that got me to an orgasm. But 99% of the time I've only been attracted to women. Lately, this hasn't be the case. I'll go through bouts of being attracted to women, then bouts of of not being attracted to any gender, a period where I start to find men attractive, and then I seem to be attracted to women again. As you can imagine, this is very confusing. I've, also, grown up with the idea that being gay is wrong. Not overtly mind you, no hate was directed anywhere. But just against the way things should be. And, I imagine, I've internalized a lot of that. Now, keep in mind, I'm not against talking to people about this. I have a friend, who thought he was strait till a few years ago, and is now engaged to his boyfriend, give me some advice I'm trying to follow. But the lack of consistancy is my biggest challenge. The advice is 'Listen to your body, it knows what it wants' and 'It's ok to look'. And by god I am trying to follow that advice. But again, 90% of the time, it seems like I'm not attracted to men. Then, suddenly, I find men attractive for a bit. Then, I'm completely dis-intersted again. I've also told my parents, my sister, and my aunt. I'm, also, not against talking to anyone to help figure this out. And have been going to a therapist, largely for other reasons, but this is now added into the mix. So I wanted to ask, is this how bi-sexuality works? Or is it more of a constant, of finding men and women attractive to some extent or another?
First off, I see you are fairly new here, so welcome! (*hug*) Bisexuality works different for each individual. Some people's attractions shift, like yours does, whilst other people's attractions remain the same for longer. It sure as hell is confusing. When I first came out, I came out as lesbian, because at the time, I was mainly attracted to women, and had a girlfriend, whom my parents would never have accepted just for the fact it's a woman. Well, I eventually realized that I'm still attracted to men - and mainly men. So I came out again, this time as bisexual. I identify as bisexual, though the more accurate term is bi-romantic heterosexual (since I'm romantically attracted to both, but sexually only to men, hence the heterosexual bit). There's nothing inherently wrong with me identifying as bisexual because it's easier to explain to others. But it can be confusing to some. I think you should delve deeper into your feelings. I know it's easier said than done but you will figure it out eventually. You sound bisexual, but unsure. There's nothing wrong with being unsure about your sexuality, especially since your attractions fluctuate so much. It will be okay. YOU will be okay. Don't disregard your same-sex attractions, because if they're there, it means that they're real. You just need to take the time to completely figure it out for yourself. I hope you find an answer soon. In the meantime, just enjoy your attractions for what they are. You don't have to slap a label on it yet
I was just thinking how nice it would be if we didn't even have labels; if we had no need of them. Just love who we're attracted to and not put a label on it and feel no need to.
I'm dealing with this very shift in attraction as we speak. Last year, I was a straight man with a gay curiosity. Then, a month ago I realized I was probably bisexual. But now, just in the last few days, I feel like I'm entirely focused on men, and my interest I women has been pushed aside. Not gone or tossed away, just moved out of the spot light. I still find women I meet at work to be attractive. And I still watch porn that features women with big boobs. It's just that my active imagination is currently transfixed on men and fantasies about being with one, so my attraction to women is on the sidelines or taking a backseat. I think the reason this is happening for me is because my whole mind, body, and spirit are going through a new phase where they want to experience all of these new feelings to the fullest before settling back down. So for now, I'm focused on pursuing my external femininity, and my attraction to men. In time, my attraction to women will likely return, confirming that not only an I likely genderfluid, but also sexually fluid where my attraction comes in waves. Not sure how that will affect a long lasting relationship, if that's really what's going on with me. But I'm going to leave that question for when I have more data to go on.
I have felt like you my whole life. I can relate. My attractions change. My advice to you right is never allow someone force a label on you. You are free to be who you want. I like you have met someone who I thought was straight.
I don't know how old you are, but when I was about 15/16 I used to have 'gay days', where I'd find myself only attracted to guys, the rest of the time would be only girls - sometimes both. For a few years I was flip-flopping around like this until I finally mellowed out at about age 19 - since then I'm roughly 50/50 all the time (maybe slightly more attracted to women) kinsey 3 for simplicity. Different experience for everyone.
I understand all your confusion I am married for 25+ years with three kids 21-26 and recently wife discovered I had been exploring my sexuality with guys which started several years ago, and yes it ebbs and flows . That being said after a lot of therapy sessions and a lot of reading I am satisfied that I am simply not straight , no label needed after that . I suggest you read about the Klein sexual Orientation grid as it makes a lot of sense to me and really delves I to many aspects of sexuality as it is fluid . Hope that helots
Since I started to accept my "non-straightness" a few years back I definitely started experiencing the back and forth you described. Before it was mainly being attracted to females and Once in awhile a guy might catch my eye but I brushed it off pretty quickly. After I came out to someone for the first time these swings of attraction were really severe. Now after almost a couple years they've settled. I never was not attracted to one gender though. Just the draw to one or the other would increase.
I'm not sure if age matters, but I'm 30. Just turned 30 in December in fact. I've only had 1 girlfriend in high school, and have never had sex (which I define has achieving an orgasm with another person). I'm, also, very shy. And have a hard time finding things to say to people, I don't know well. Not just starting conversations, but actually keeping them going. There are a number of other factors there, that I'm going over with my therapist atm. I can't really say I have an attraction to anyone in particular. Occasionally its to a male co-worker, but I operate by that old adage of not mixing business with pleasure. Did the same thing with female co-workers I found attractive. That, and I've insisted I'm strait enough times, to look like a schmuck if I say the opposite now. For whatever its worth, I'm glad I'm not the only one who's sexuality is so fluid. I wasn't aware someone's sexuality could be this fluid. As, all my life, its been pretty constant.
