My greatest fear...

This is a great start! It would also be helpful to meet with out gay men through support groups and meetups as well. Are you willing to have a go at pushing your comfort zone?

 

Sienna Fire
You speak very succinctly. About having attractions to the same sex. I am still confused about physical versus romantic. I think I have always had some romantic attractions to other women and women always caught my eye, but I thought this was admiring or comparing myself to other women. I thought nothing of it. But only when I accidentally fell in love with a woman last year (unexpressed) did I recognise that I had undeniably sexual desires towards a woman. For the first time in my life I could picture having sex with a another person with me in the scenario AS ME, and also, taking an active role. For the first time I felt comfortable with the phrase "making love" as opposed to "having sex". Since I have tried to take a long hard look at my attractions and have noticed that I have a longing to connect with certain women - a feeling that I'd like to know that woman better, combined with wanting to look at her. However, I still can't picture having sex with those women. I occasionally still see a man who I feel a physical desire to touch because he has a well made body, but my desire towards men doesn't seem to extend to a need to be emotionally close with a man...As for porn - I want to watch a woman with a woman and feel a sort of longing when I watch it, but only seem to be able to get off if I watch a man on a woman and imagine how it feels to be that man.
I am not sure whether this points to me being bisexual or all out lesbian - but, like the author of this thread I worry about making mistakes, as I am married, with children, though in the early stages of separation, as we don't appear to be able to work things out - other issues largely compounded by my changing view on my sexuality. I'm in turmoil.

 

Peterpangirl,

You may want to consider starting another thread so members can focus specifically on your journey.

That said, when you are alone, not watching porn, and fantasizing, what do you typically fantasize about? Porn typically is not a good indicator of sexuality, and fantasies are a stronger indicator.

The emotional connection towards woman, apart from physical desires, can be a result of a lot of different factors - including simply the need to feel connected to someone to the extent you are emotionally neglected (which happens quite often in marriages).

I am reflecting on my own experiences here, where I did feel emotionally neglected in my marriage and needed to figure out what was driving my need for male intimacy. I certainly contemplated the idea, before I fully embraced my sexuality, that I was simply missing the emotional connection in my marriage after 20 years. For me, however, the real answer was my sexuality; and I inherently already knew this already, but it was the shame stopping me from being able to embrace it.

So as you think through this, it makes senses to bifurcate between emotional connection and physical intimacy as you are doing; and try to understand what is behind your feelings for both. If while simply fantasizing, you still are aroused only by men, that may be a good indicator.

 

On the Highway - thank you for your insights. Ok. Sexual fantasies. Deep breath. This confuses me. I always imagine I am a very masculine, assertive male in any scenario (because that turns me on), with a woman or women - I cannot picture myself as myself and never have been able to...in real life, however I am feminine looking, and feel like a woman. I have got the impression this could be very gay, or not at all (I have googled it!) Sorry. I should probably start another thread. I will do if I make another post.

 

Please do! That is a very telling revelation. There are other woman here whom have experienced very similar dynamics and can be very helpful.