My best friend is a very conservative Catholic, in fact, that's how we met. She wouldn't even go see Beauty and the Beast with me because it has an openly homosexual character. She's also the only friend I have (locally) that has stayed my friend through this whole last year. But I don't want to keep feeling like I'm lying to her, so I'm thinking of coming out to her. She's coming over for coffee, and if she seems ok (she's had a stressful last couple of weeks. If she seems even a little off I'm going to wait) I'd like to tell her the truth. How can I do it in a way that is 1. I know she isn't going to agree with this but I would hate to lose her friendship, 2. I'm not interested in her- I'm not telling her because of that, and 3. This isn't her "fault" :icon_sadI can see her feeling like if she had been a better friend I wouldn't have 'turned to this'). I'm not expecting it to go good, there is no way it can go good, but I'd like to lessen the collateral damage.
If your friend is a very conservative Catholic, you should prepare yourself for a bad reaction. I'm afraid conservative Christians (of all denominations) take every line and letter of the Bible literally and regard it all as the infallible word of God, leaving no room for deviation or reason. It saddens me that 21st century Christians can be so naïve, but it's just the way it is. You could try to remind your friend of the current Pope's wish for less judgement and more humility, but many conservative Catholics despise Pope Francis and want to see a return to the harsh moral theology of his immediate predecessors. I can't pretend that there is an easy way to do this. The worst outcome is that it will break the friendship. Are you prepared for that?
Kunoichi, I would definitely proceed very cautiously. If your friend really wouldn't even see Beauty and the Beast, then I honestly can't see this turning out well. Your friend may believe that running from subjects that make her uncomfortable is the right thing to do as a Christian. I'm a Christian too, but I don't believe that's the way to deal with things. Just know that your friend is trying her best to do what she believes is right. It's not her intention to hurt you, but I am concerned you could end up on the receiving end of a reaction that you may not be ready for. I'm no fan of keeping secrets, especially from family. But we don't have to share every secret we have with our friends in order to cultivate a strong friendship. You shouldn't feel like you have to tell your friend your secret. You really don't.
I know exactly how she thinks; it wasn't all that long ago I was a traditional Catholic too. In fact, out of the two of us, I was the more conservative. We met doing pro-life work. As conservative Catholics, neither of us liked Pope Francis either (in fact, I still don't like him. But I won't get into that.) I have approximately 2 adults that I see consistently in my life at the present moment: my ex and my friend. I've told my one friend that lives far away; the other I'm not going to tell for a while, I don't think. She's like a second mom to me but she's also an evangelical minister. I am thinking of not telling my friend because I can see her thinking she needs to "step in and save me" and in the process of doing so would tell my ex. And I very strongly feel he has the right to know first. I'm going to just see how it goes. She's coming over to my place so we can hang out and talk (my roommate is out of town!) There's a chance she could see something over here that might be a conversation opener where I can gauge her reaction a little more. ETA: I meant to say that I want to come out, but with having so few people to tell, I don't know how to come out when real reasons exist for not telling both people right now. And I want to start moving on with my life. I want to start meeting other people, maybe even dating. I want to start my new life, you know?
Well, I went ahead and did it. I wasn't going to, but she flat out asked me a question that the only way to not come out to her was to lie, and that was the criteria I had set before we got together; I wasn't going to bring it up but I wasn't going to lie. I don't think she believed me, or at least how serious I am about it. She talked about sexual temptation and how it came in all different forms. I told her that I would have told her sooner but I didn't want to lose her friendship. The discussion pretty rapidly progressed to my leaving the faith, which I think for her is actually the bigger issue. She did a lot of listening; she's good at that. So it could have been worse. I also clarified with her not to tell my ex; that I wanted to be the one to tell him. She said she doesn't really talk with him anymore since I'm not living there, that it's just too awkward (I thought that would be the case, but I figured better to mention it....)
