Recoming out

Recomming out

Ron...I find it difficult to describe just how important emptyclosets has been to me. When I reached my crisis in Dec. 2014, I came out on EC. I've sent you that first post I made...I was, like you, so desperate to talk to someone, to find anyone who would listen, anybody who might have suggestions that would help me out of what I felt was a no-win situation. And ECers responded to my plea and helped me. It was a year before I connected with my therapist, Jacob, and during that year EC was my life-line. I was so confused and depressed, but because of EC I was already better than before I had come out. It's now almost two 1/2 years since that desperate Dec. 2014 plea and with the help of EC and Jacob I am a different person. I no longer cry myself to sleep. I no longer feel like I am an abomination. I no longer feel like I am a mistake who should never have been born. I no longer live in constant fear of saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing and giving myself away. I am free from the evil feeling in the back of my head that constantly told me I was terrible person and should be put in prison or worse. Now I accept myself as a good person who is just different than the majority of humanity. I feel that I am a special person that is blessed with a gift that only a few receive. Those of us who are LGBQT have been given the gift of introspection. We spend a lot of time trying to learn who we really are...something that straight people rarely do. That process teaches us so much about ourselves...it gives us an insight that few people ever find. I know that this sounds bizarre, but I now feel that being gay is a blessing - a gift! The thing that almost destroyed my life has become the thing that is the most important part of my life. I hope that you will be able to find that same feeling in your heart as time goes by. It is a feeling that has released me from the darkest parts of my life. I now see a future that is bright and exciting and I have emptyclosets to thank for it!.....Your EC Friend David.

 

Ron... Glad you are still feeling so good about yesterday! I made a short post on the "O Happy Day" thread you started. Where would you like me to keep in touch with you, here or on the Happy Day thread?....Your EC Friend David

 

Ron....Just thought I'd check in to see how you are doing. If you want to send a message too me with our adding it to this thread, you can put it on my wall. Just click on my user name "Quebec" and post on my wall....Your friend David

 

Ron...I sure don't have the answers to everything! At this point it's difficult to tell you much else without knowing more about your situation. If you feel like you don't want to answer any or all of these questions, that's fine but the information would really help me as I try to give you some decent advice/encouragement.
1) Do you live in your house, her house or do your share a place?
2) Who pays the rent/mortgage or is it shared?
3) Do you own a car?
4) Does she own a car?
5) I know that your are retired, is she retired?
6) Does her health make it impossible or just inconvenient for her to care for herself?

That's enough for starters. If you can...if you feel like you can answer those questions it will help a lot trying to help you know what to do next. Please forgive me if I have intruded...I don't mean to. I only want to help and I feel like I'm going to give you bad advice without more background info. Please do not send me any info that would allow me to contact you outside of EC (phone number, email address, Facebook name, etc.). That is against empty closets guidelines....your friend David.

 

Ron...Thanks for the reply. Ok, here goes! Can you afford an apartment on your own or is there a way to search for a roommate...Craig's List or some other public posting service in your area? Or perhaps a local senior citizens center might have a way to post a room-mate wanted or apartment wanted note. The point is working to have another place to live. Is there public transport so you can get to a new place and be able to get around once you were there? Can you afford to live alone or do your finances require you to have a roommate. Do you have family that might help you out of where you currently are living? If she needs help night and weekends can she consider moving into an assisted care facility?
I guess you can see that the point of all this is can you work it around so that you can move out and actually be away from her...and live your own life as you desire? I know that's a huge decision...but I honestly don't see you ever really being able to be the real-you while you are living with her. I don't mean to make her sound like a terrible person. That's not the issue. The problem is that you are physically tied to the situation that is keeping you from being YOU. I really hope I don't make you feel bad with this....I'm just trying to see what the reality surrounding you really is!.....your friend David

 

Ron....OK Don't start going back there again! You've made such incredible progress in the last while...you can and will make this all work out! It may take some time, but it can be done and you can do it. First thing, you don't have to do this all by yourself. As I said before look for a senior citizens group in your area...or any kind of support organization. Make a few phone calls and if the people you are talking to can't help you, ask for phone numbers and names of other organizations that may be able to help out. You need to look for low-rent housing...quite often there are subsides available for those with limited income. Troy is big enough that there should be multiple organizations that would be able to help. She has family to help her and it should be their responsibility to do so...NOT YOURS! You need to concentrate on changing your circumstances. You didn't say if you have any family that might help you out a little. Don't be upset if this process takes a little time...you have already made such huge progress, such big changes in so short a time that it probably feels like you want to be out and free RIGHT NOW! That's not surprising and not a bad idea, but in all practicality, it will probably take a little while to get things moving. YOU HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO GET THINGS MOVING....then once you've located some local support I think you'll be surprised and excited at what will happen! Keep a smile on your face...don't get down...you've come so far and even though there is still a way to go...you can do it. .....David (!)

 

Ron...OK! That's what I wanted to hear! A guy who has made up his mind to get out of a toxic relationship and turn things around! As I said, there is much to do and it won't all be easy....but you can make it happen. Reach out and make contacts....find those who can point you in the right direction. And start moving that direction, even if it's slow at first, you'll eventually be able to look back and see how far you've come! If sleeping with her is a problem....try the couch! Not fun but better than having to put up with something that you have told her you do not want. Keep me posted! ......your friend David

 

Ron Great idea to talk to the daughter. She and the rest of the family really need to step up and help their mom. All for now...I have to get to an appointment.....David