Today I was driving to a taco shop with my daughter to pick up dinner and I decided that moment was a good time to talk to her about the Graduation Pride event at my school this Friday that I had planned on taking her to. I told her that the event was LGBT and she got really happy and said cool. I said it is for the LGBT college members that are graduating who are in the LGBT community. She looked just a bit surprised. I said hey I fit on the spectrum somewhere. I felt that explanation was lacking and a bit false, so I blurted out that I was probably BI. She got super happy and said she understood and didnt have a problem with it. I felt relieved and happy. Inside the taco shop I explained that I had wanted to give her a heads up just in case she didnt want to go with me anymore and so she would not be surprised. She smiled shyly and had a strange look on her face, I asked her why the look and she said nothing. In my mind I thought she was processing the idea of her mom with another woman and it was embarrassing. We get in the car and I am telling her that I have not told her dad and that it didnt change anything between us and she blurted out "mom I'm gay". I stopped the car in the parking lot and said something stupid like yeah or really and she said yes. I stroked her hair and said that was great and not an issue for me either and that I loved her very much. I told her that I just wanted her to be herself and to be happy. I told her about this site if she had questions or concerns. I wanted to ask her a million more questions but I didnt want to be pushy or overly invasive and we had just pulled up to the house. She is so shy about things like underwear and bras and her period, so I don't want to push. I also told her I would not tell anyone because that was not my right but hers alone. I did manage to sneak in the conversation before we made it upstairs that she needed to be careful because some people could discriminate or hurt her. She said she understood. Oh I also told her she was very brave for telling me. This was maybe 30 minutes ago and I was initially very happy that we had this moment but now I am worried for her. I truly don't care if she is gay I did kind of suspected but never pushed I am just worried that she will get hurt by the cruel people out there that would do physical harm to her just for liking one thing over another. I am very thankful of my own personal journey because it prepared me to be understanding of her (I think I would have been anyways). I really thank the EC community for that. Anyways I wanted to share my crazy day and not have it be breach her trust by telling someone I know. Geez sometimes you are thinking about yourself so much you don't see other people are dealing with so much more stuff. I feel like a role model to her in an important way and that we are even more connected.(&&&)
Wow!!! Congrats to you both. I don't know how old your daughter is but I bet it's a relief to her that she can talk to you about it. At least you both know you've got someone supporting you in your family.
Nerdbynature - my daughter is 12 almost 13. I'm so much more looking forward to Friday now. Will probably take that time to bond with her let her know she can ask me anything she is curious about. I might ask a few questions of my own just got to make sure I don't get to invasive. I wonder if her best friend is her girlfriend but I won't ask that specifically.
wow, we always worry for our kids dont we? but now you can be each others allies. while still having the parent kid dynamic. i suspect it's gonna be an interesting ride for both of you.
Congratulations to you both! And it's great that you can have the opportunity to talk about everything. It would be a good time for you to talk about some of your concerns and your daughter can ask questions, knowing you both have each other for support.
I'm glad your daughter is so accepting. And given that she is your daughter, I'm sure that some of her accepting nature was because of your parenting! And congrats on coming out.
I am experiencing a bit of grief and sadness now about my daughter. I think it is because I fear she has a difficult life path a head of her potentially and I worry for her. I can't imagine what she is going through at her age heck it has been difficult for me to figure out stuff at my age. Oh I am feeling guilty too that my husband doesn't know and I am keeping a secret. I think he will be hurt that she didn't tell him. She may never tell him. I think that he would be very supportive but would be a pain in the assignment for her if she wanted to spend the night at her friends house. Tomorrow I am having lunch with my ex boss and plan to come out to her. I still need to talk to my husband but I think he knows. He came into the bedroom yesterday and asked if I was watching another of my lesbian movies and I said maybe and smiled. He just shrugged and continued on with what he had come in to tell me.
The great thing is that more and more people are becoming supportive and it will surely be a better road for each generation then the last. Also once your daughter is in high school there might be a GSA club or mental health resources for LGBTQ+. I didn't have any of that in middle school but our high schools here have them
Silverdeer- You are right her network of understanding is getting bigger. I did look up youth groups and there are some for her age group. The current problem is my husband does not know yet, so he would want to know here I was taking her. Hell I saw a couple of groups I wouldn't mind attending myself. Too bad a lot of them are during the week which makes it hard for me because of work and school. I do hope High School is a supportive place for her, she has not liked Middle School that much. She told me several months ago that some of the kids called her names because of how she dresses and that she is not concerned with the things the popular girls are into. She said she is happy to have her small group of like minded friends then tons of people just pretending (she is a very well spoken and smart kid). I think after a while I will ask if kids at school have guessed at her sexuality or if she has openly told people. Today I had lunch with my friend/exboss and told her that I was more than likely BI and had been my whole life. I then told her about my daughter in confidence. She didn't even bat an eye, which I didn't think she would since her daughter is BI. I just wanted to talk to her about parent stuff that I knew she had experience in. She was really cool about everything and said she would not mention it to my daughter. She said in this day and age it doesn't really matter anymore who you like. I really felt better about everything. She told me a story about her daughter who only dated women then brought home a guy (her current husband of 4 or 5 years) and she was like wait I'm confused aren't you gay please explain it to me. Anyways I feel more free just from the whole experience.
I went to the pride graduation today. It was a lot different than I thought it would be. It was a intimate group of 12 graduates and family in a nice banquet room on campus. I thought it would just be a celebration but it was an actual mock graduation. Had to go up and get a certificate and everything. It was cool because they said non out people could have a place to be themselves or bring their partners. Everyone was so nice to me as well. I did find that it pushed at my present comfort zone lol I thought it would be like a big rally. Two very nice ladies sat at the table with me, a couple and both named Jennifer, very butch. When all the presentations were over and it was mingle time this 25year lady came up to me and said are you such and suches son and I said yes. She is one of my son's best friends from high school they ran track. We talked briefly and I was really nervous. She left me because the food had just been put out. Right as we were thinking of leaving she came back said "I have to ask why lgbt? ". I laughed uncomfortably thinking that I wouldn't like to explain it to her and not in front of my daughter. I just told her I was questioning and possibly bi. We went on to have a nice conversation. She mentioned talking to my son about something and I told her that he didn't know about me. She said don't worry I won't mention that you were here and I told that is not what I meant that she could talk about seeing me. ---------- Post added 26th May 2017 at 11:12 PM ---------- Oh came home wearing the rainbow tassel and my husband asked if I was trying to tell him something. I said maybe and he said he didn't want to hear that and wouldn't talk to me. We just had silence. He went out to smoke and I followed him. He asked why I was at the event if it was for lgbt. I said because I thought I was bi and that I was sure he already knew. Guess what no clue lol. He got a sad look on his face and I said well say something and he said what do you want me to say. I told him nothing really had changed that I felt this way my whole life that I was just admitting it. We went back in house and watched TV like nothing happened. At least he still talked to me and even joked around. I hope I didn't do the wrong thing by telling him and that I don't regret it later. Oh I told my son I was surprised to see his friend or that she was surprised to see me at this lgbt event. He didn't skip a beat and said well it is one way to come out lol. He then went on to tell me about his day like nothing. Oh at the event I felt a little bit like a fraud or that I didn't have a right to be there. I felt better when the lgbt professor advisor listed questioning people to the list of people in the community. All in all the people where so open and friendly as I left one of the young ladies that helped put on the event asked if she could give me a hug and I said of course. So accepting people it felt right in the end. I don't think I have smiled or blushed so much crazy feelings and now I am exhausted. ---------- Post added 26th May 2017 at 11:20 PM ---------- Oh and they took lots of pictures that I said yes to that I have no idea what they are going to do with. I guess that means I could be pretty well out but not even sure if I care. I do care if my family is embarrassed. I guess.
Quick update - my husband asked me what my orientation is and said that he was working up the nerve to ask me all night. I told him that I was leaning toward bi. He asked if that meant bi curious or not as in had I been with a woman already and said I had not. He told me he wanted me to be happy being me. He said if I needed to be with a woman he would understand and support that with one huge but he wanted to be there participate if possible. I said I didn't think I could do that and wouldn't want share. I meant my intimacy with another woman but he took it to mean him. I said was too easy for one of us to become jealous not to mention finding someone who likes us both, he is pretty sickly. He said he didn't want me to try without him because he feared that I would leave him. He also told me he didn't think he was long for this world, not in a bad way he is just sick, and that after he was gone he would be fine with me having a relationship with a woman but not a man lol. I asked if he would mind if I wore the tassel and he said I should wear it. I felt a little uncomfortable talking to him about this. I told him nothing has really changed because I have felt like this all my life and that I have felt romantic towards women in the past. He brought up my high school best friend and I admitted she was the first I had feelings for. He said he knew about it hell I think she knew about it and liked the attention. All very difficult things for me to admit but I did honestly. He even said he would have went to support me at the pride graduation if I had told him about it lol. So for now we are fine and I am so emotionally tired. ---------- Post added 27th May 2017 at 10:22 PM ---------- Oh and he told me that I shouldn't be embarrassed because my thoughts were not bad or anything to be ashamed of. He said he read somewhere that 80 percent of women had them, not sure I agree but whatever. I didn't tell him that my daughter and me signed up to march in the pride parade for my college. One step at a time. Now graduation coming up should be interesting because I know several people graduating with me. One of them is a friend from high school and my son's friend but she is openly gay. I guess I decided to come out in a big way no going back now lol. I haven't told my parents but honestly I don't see why I need to. They would ask questions for the rest of my life though I don't think they would turn there back on me. It just seems all so personal like they would be looking into my bedroom.
