So I come to you as not only a first timer but also someone with a, common I'm sure, conundrum. I was raised in a very Christian conservative southern Baptist home and was always taught that homosexuality and homosexual thoughts were wrong. I have since moved away from the religious background of my parents and I am noticing feelings that I am sure have always been there but until now have been quelled by religious ideology. So what is the problem then? Well the religious aspect maybe gone but the fear is not. I am afraid of moving into a much subjugated minority, I'm fearful that I will not be accepted by the gay or bisexual community for I do not possess most of the ideal characteristics of either of these groups, except for the fascination with the same sex. And that if I am not accepted I will be shunned from both social groups, or if I become excepted by the gay community will my previous circle of friends be unwilling to except the new side of my identity. My frustration and confusion with this issue is, atleast i think, some what warented. I was taught all my life one thing and no I am attempting to not only alter those ideas but pull a social 180. I'm sure many have gone through or are going through the same situation. So ANY ADVICE will be welcome with open ears and an open mind. :bang:
Im in a similar situation, but reversed. My parents and community are accepting of gay people but i feel like im doing something wrong. Im afraid of the social implications of being the minority as well. My advice would be that if you're afraid, don't worry about telling anyone just yet. Take some time to just gather your thoughts and assess where you want to go.
Well, I'd say you're off to a good start by posting here. I've found this site and its members to be a wonderfully supportive, understanding, and helpful community. At this point in the game, I'd say you're at that point where...how do I say this...you're beginning to suspect some things about yourself, but you still have some soul-searching to put those issues to bed. Having said that, when I was at that point, I read and observed everything I could find, good, bad, and indifferent. As a Christian, I needed to take some time to figure out the spiritual implications of being gay, and even though you've fallen away from the church, I'd full recommend taking time to research it, since everything I've seen and read, including the relevant portions of scripture, suggest that "The Church" is wrong on this one. Beyond that, I fully recommend taking some time to essentially withdraw from society for a bit and really examine what you're feeling, and then try to reconcile what I'll call the historic parts of your life with what you conclude, and you'll probably realize that the signs have been there all along waiting for you. I mean, when my family found out, none of them were surprised since all the signs were there, and it took me far longer than it took them to put it all together. Read the stickies on this forum and just see what there is to see. There's a lot of good information out there, and I found that once I started seeing some of it, things really began to get clearer for me. And really, one key thing to remember here is that stereotypes are not indicitive of reality. There are no "ideal" characteristics, despite what it may seem, and so you have absolutely no reason to fear coming out on that reason alone. Friends and family will demonstrate the quality of their character when you tell them, and what I mean by that is that, if you tell a friend and they stop talking to you, being your friend, et cetera, then I maintain that the person was never a true friend to begin with. The same holds true for family, as well, because if they can't accept who you really are and support you in your life, then they obviously don't really care about you, and NO ONE needs to be surrounded by false friends and family. I suspect you're near the beginning of what might be a long, but will certainly be a rewarding, journey. Just take things one step at a time, and if there's anything I can do, let me know. One final thing I will add is that, although people generally desire acceptance by society, it's worth remembering that society sometimes sucks, and you need to do what's right for YOU. If the rest of the world doesn't agree with it, tough shit. Stay strong, and we're all pulling for you.
Welcome to EC. I think you'll find it helpful to spend some time here while you're figuring some things out about yourself. I know I have found it extremely helpful. I'm curious about your comment above. I'm not sure what 'ideal characteristics' you're thinking of here. The fact of the matter is that there are all kinds of people in the straight and in the gay community - so whether or not you 'fit' the profile doesn't really have anything to do with whether you 'are' gay or straight. I would agree with the comment above - just keep this to yourself for now, and get comfortable with the idea. Once you have come to terms with and accepted who you are, the path you take will be much clearer for you. I'm sure you'll get some additional advice from the other guys in here. Some I'm sure have had or are in a similar situation as you are. Good luck, and don't hesitate to reach out to the people here. They're all great!
They are right, Livetolove, I know you are stuck in a very hard situation, but don't worry, because it is not the time yet. Just be yourself sit back, and relax, you dont have to run after any groups to be accepted, or you don't have to care about what people might think about you. It is definitely not your fault about who you are , there is nothing to make us feel taht we are doing the wrong things Dont be frustrated, even though you have been taught that way, but it is not your fault to turn 180, it's just that now, you are automatically changed because of the different enviroment
I'm just going to point out the post times for the past few posts... 5:19, 5:20, 5:22 (Eastern U.S. time). I think it's remarkable, and a sign of the strength of this community, that there were three people all jumping on this topic all at the same time.
Thanks guys I really appreciate it and your right. I have all these stereotypes from my past and its hard not to transplant them on to my thinking today. Again thanks. Please keep up the advice
Yeah, I can figure it out, so I read this post after DJ and took to long to reply, and it turned out that I was submitting after other people, yeah, i was surprised too
