The closet door is opening - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Jas · 23rd Apr 2005, 01:07 AM

Hey there. As u can see i decided to b a bz lil bee and make a few posts today.

Ok so im at that stage where ive accepted that im gay and all that. I'm not ashamed but just worried about reactions from freinds and family.

I'm really thinkin that i want to come out to some friends first. Ive got this one freind in particular that i think i can tell. I havent known her for long (the coupla months since i started uni) but we have already become close. We have a lot in common and always share things from our past and that. She is a really nice and kind girl and im pretty confident that she would take it well

I know that i want to be able to be myself more and coming out to her could lead to better things but of course i have my reservations.
Any advice?

Micah · 23rd Apr 2005, 06:08 AM

Good luck with coming out, i hope it goes well for you

My advice would be to try and lead into the topic natural instead of instantly springing it upon her. One that i used was saying 'would you still love me if.....' and go through a whole range of things then finally asking 'would you still love me if i was gay'. Its only a suggestion, but i think that its easier to come out if the topic is already being talked about.

There isnt a huge amount of advice to give, as only you know the situation and person you are coming out to. Just remember that if you decide at the last minute to back out, or that it isnt the right time you can always take another shot.

Again, good luck and let us know how it goes

Dave

goratrix · 23rd Apr 2005, 09:03 AM

I've found it pretty difficult to lead into the topic naturally, and I think that i am pretty good at changing subjects on a conversation. Someone on this forum said to me that it's very important the way you say it. If you make a big deal about it, like: 'I have something extremely important to tell you, but you must promise on your soul and the soul of you puppy that you will never ever for no reason at all tell anyone'... that would probably get a reaction as if it were a big deal. And it will be harder to overcome.

If you just say: 'hey, i'm gay', at least in my experience, people just say: oh, cool... are you happy? nothing will change between us...

Of course, everyone is different, and this only proved right with three people... so i wouldn't know...

And quoting dave: good luck and let us know how it goes

Micah · 23rd Apr 2005, 11:22 PM

Yup, like goratrix said, if you make a big deal out of it, then the person you are coming out to will probably make a big deal out of it. However, just out of nowhere saying 'I'm gay' can sometimes catch people off their guard (not sure whether thats a good or bad thing).

Of course, you may want the person to make a big deal out of it. If it's the first person you tell you will probably want to talk to them about issues etc, and if they dismiss your sexuality as no big deal, it can be a bit of a let down.

The main thing is to try not to get too worried about what the other person's reaction will be, and just 'go with the flow'.

Dave

Jas · 24th Apr 2005, 01:10 AM

Hiya.
Thx for all the advice. It really helps to have others perspectives on the situation.
Yer it never realli occurred to me that if i make it a big deal then she probably wuld as well. I like that idea about 'would you still love me if...'

I'll take all that into account when I tell her which will hoepfulli b in the next week or so.

Oh and HOORAY I just got a job today! lol. Now i wont b a poor uni student anymore (well not as poor). I'll prolly end up spending all my cash on clothes.

joeyconnick · 25th Apr 2005, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jas

Hiya.
Thx for all the advice. It really helps to have others perspectives on the situation.
Yer it never realli occurred to me that if i make it a big deal then she probably wuld as well. I like that idea about 'would you still love me if...'

I'm not so keen on that one... it seems like it trivialises what you're talking about. I mean you start off being silly (one assumes) and then get serious and it just doesn't feel right to me.

And I assume you'd end up using negative stuff like, "Would you still love me if I ate babies?" Of course that particular example is funny but being gay gets equated with enough negative stuff that I think it's a good idea for all of us to think twice about doing it ourselves.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jas

Oh and HOORAY I just got a job today! lol. Now i wont b a poor uni student anymore (well not as poor). I'll prolly end up spending all my cash on clothes.

And so what you're saying is that you're really, really gay, huh?

goratrix · 25th Apr 2005, 03:34 PM

Well... I wasn't suggesting you star being silly. I just was suggesting you shouldn't do the whole: 'I need to tell you a super secret that only three people on the world know about, and that if you should tell anyone I won't talk to you anymore, and use the pics I have of you for voodoo and burn your house while I eat <insert the name of his/her pet>' I meant that you should be like: Hey, I'm gay. And I'm serious, it's not a joke.

Or perhaps: Luke, I am your father!... ... ... *waits for laughter* *silence* *awkwardly long silence*. Well... perhaps something like: Hey, Timmy (I like that name, dunno why... perhaps because of southpark),

I need to talk to you... I think I owe you at least this much. I am gay, and I am sorry I couldn't find the strength to tell you sooner... I just needed to come to terms with it by myself. I should add that you had the ability of cheering me up while nothing else could, and I am very much tahnkful for that. Also, I want you to know that this doesn't change me at all. I am still you friend, and I hope you'll remain mine.

You might add someting like: It's not a big deal, I've been gay all my life and that didn't affected our friendship, the only difference now Is that I finally found the strength, and I feel that I can trust you will understand that this doesn't define me, it's just another part of who I am.

And then, if you friends are anything like mines: And now I hope we can go have an orgy! *still waits for that laughter...**gets angry and runs away crying*

Oh, and BTW: I consider myself gay... but I wouldn't spend a penny on clothes If I hadn't to. I guess that makes me a non-cliché gay... I'd very much rather spend all my money in GamesWorkshop Miniatures, or the latest release by White Wolf Game Studio, or save for the alienware I want (I take donations!!! I need to rise 7000 U$D!!!)

Jas · 26th Apr 2005, 05:16 PM

"Would you still ove me if i ate babies?"
Hahaha that reminds me of simpsons when chief wiggum is showin the kids those wax figures and that hippy chic has a sandwhich with a baby in it.

But yer i get wots bin sed. Dont make this massive deal out of it and blow it out of proportion but dont trivialise it either. Thx guys all ur posts have really helped me prepare for when i tell her which i think is gonna b pretty soon now.

Hey! Just cos i like my clothes duzznt make me really really gay. lol Ok ill edit that... i'll spend all my munny on clothes and games. There

23rd Apr 2005, 01:07 AM	#1
Jas Member Regular Member Age: 24 Posts: 17 Join Date: Apr 2005	The closet door is opening Hey there. As u can see i decided to b a bz lil bee and make a few posts today. Ok so im at that stage where ive accepted that im gay and all that. I'm not ashamed but just worried about reactions from freinds and family. I'm really thinkin that i want to come out to some friends first. Ive got this one freind in particular that i think i can tell. I havent known her for long (the coupla months since i started uni) but we have already become close. We have a lot in common and always share things from our past and that. She is a really nice and kind girl and im pretty confident that she would take it well I know that i want to be able to be myself more and coming out to her could lead to better things but of course i have my reservations. Any advice? __________________ Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes! They've got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses! And what's with all the carrots? What do they need such good eyesight for anyway? Bunnies, bunnies, it must be bunnies!! ... Or maybe midgets?

23rd Apr 2005, 06:08 AM	#2
Micah ^_^ Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to All Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 23 Posts: 2,532 Join Date: Feb 2005	Good luck with coming out, i hope it goes well for you My advice would be to try and lead into the topic natural instead of instantly springing it upon her. One that i used was saying 'would you still love me if.....' and go through a whole range of things then finally asking 'would you still love me if i was gay'. Its only a suggestion, but i think that its easier to come out if the topic is already being talked about. There isnt a huge amount of advice to give, as only you know the situation and person you are coming out to. Just remember that if you decide at the last minute to back out, or that it isnt the right time you can always take another shot. Again, good luck and let us know how it goes Dave __________________ 　／l、（ﾟ､｡７　l、 ~ヽ　じしf_, )ノ

23rd Apr 2005, 09:03 AM	#3
goratrix EC Addict Full Member Age: 25 Posts: 570 Join Date: Apr 2005	I've found it pretty difficult to lead into the topic naturally, and I think that i am pretty good at changing subjects on a conversation. Someone on this forum said to me that it's very important the way you say it. If you make a big deal about it, like: 'I have something extremely important to tell you, but you must promise on your soul and the soul of you puppy that you will never ever for no reason at all tell anyone'... that would probably get a reaction as if it were a big deal. And it will be harder to overcome. If you just say: 'hey, i'm gay', at least in my experience, people just say: oh, cool... are you happy? nothing will change between us... Of course, everyone is different, and this only proved right with three people... so i wouldn't know... And quoting dave: good luck and let us know how it goes __________________ Cicciux Back from beyond. A different dog.

23rd Apr 2005, 11:22 PM	#4
Micah ^_^ Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to All Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 23 Posts: 2,532 Join Date: Feb 2005	Yup, like goratrix said, if you make a big deal out of it, then the person you are coming out to will probably make a big deal out of it. However, just out of nowhere saying 'I'm gay' can sometimes catch people off their guard (not sure whether thats a good or bad thing). Of course, you may want the person to make a big deal out of it. If it's the first person you tell you will probably want to talk to them about issues etc, and if they dismiss your sexuality as no big deal, it can be a bit of a let down. The main thing is to try not to get too worried about what the other person's reaction will be, and just 'go with the flow'. Dave __________________ 　／l、（ﾟ､｡７　l、 ~ヽ　じしf_, )ノ

24th Apr 2005, 01:10 AM	#5
Jas Member Regular Member Age: 24 Posts: 17 Join Date: Apr 2005	Hiya. Thx for all the advice. It really helps to have others perspectives on the situation. Yer it never realli occurred to me that if i make it a big deal then she probably wuld as well. I like that idea about 'would you still love me if...' I'll take all that into account when I tell her which will hoepfulli b in the next week or so. Oh and HOORAY I just got a job today! lol. Now i wont b a poor uni student anymore (well not as poor). I'll prolly end up spending all my cash on clothes. __________________ Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes! They've got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses! And what's with all the carrots? What do they need such good eyesight for anyway? Bunnies, bunnies, it must be bunnies!! ... Or maybe midgets?

25th Apr 2005, 03:34 PM	#7
goratrix EC Addict Full Member Age: 25 Posts: 570 Join Date: Apr 2005	Well... I wasn't suggesting you star being silly. I just was suggesting you shouldn't do the whole: 'I need to tell you a super secret that only three people on the world know about, and that if you should tell anyone I won't talk to you anymore, and use the pics I have of you for voodoo and burn your house while I eat <insert the name of his/her pet>' I meant that you should be like: Hey, I'm gay. And I'm serious, it's not a joke. Or perhaps: Luke, I am your father!... ... ... waits for laughter silence awkwardly long silence. Well... perhaps something like: Hey, Timmy (I like that name, dunno why... perhaps because of southpark), I need to talk to you... I think I owe you at least this much. I am gay, and I am sorry I couldn't find the strength to tell you sooner... I just needed to come to terms with it by myself. I should add that you had the ability of cheering me up while nothing else could, and I am very much tahnkful for that. Also, I want you to know that this doesn't change me at all. I am still you friend, and I hope you'll remain mine. You might add someting like: It's not a big deal, I've been gay all my life and that didn't affected our friendship, the only difference now Is that I finally found the strength, and I feel that I can trust you will understand that this doesn't define me, it's just another part of who I am. And then, if you friends are anything like mines: And now I hope we can go have an orgy! still waits for that laughter...gets angry and runs away crying Oh, and BTW: I consider myself gay... but I wouldn't spend a penny on clothes If I hadn't to. I guess that makes me a non-cliché gay... I'd very much rather spend all my money in GamesWorkshop Miniatures, or the latest release by White Wolf Game Studio, or save for the alienware I want (I take donations!!! I need to rise 7000 U$D!!!) __________________ Cicciux Back from beyond. A different dog. Last edited by goratrix; 25th Apr 2005 at 03:44 PM..

26th Apr 2005, 05:16 PM	#8
Jas Member Regular Member Age: 24 Posts: 17 Join Date: Apr 2005	"Would you still ove me if i ate babies?" Hahaha that reminds me of simpsons when chief wiggum is showin the kids those wax figures and that hippy chic has a sandwhich with a baby in it. But yer i get wots bin sed. Dont make this massive deal out of it and blow it out of proportion but dont trivialise it either. Thx guys all ur posts have really helped me prepare for when i tell her which i think is gonna b pretty soon now. Hey! Just cos i like my clothes duzznt make me really really gay. lol Ok ill edit that... i'll spend all my munny on clothes and games. There __________________ Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes! They've got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses! And what's with all the carrots? What do they need such good eyesight for anyway? Bunnies, bunnies, it must be bunnies!! ... Or maybe midgets?

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