Help if you can! - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Lumbardo · 14th Jul 2005, 03:35 PM

Hi,
I consider myself to be gay, but in school i am classed as straight as a guy came out earlier this year and was totally mobbed and hated althought i never took part in it and now has no friends and is bullied

But in school there is this boy Steven who i've got a massive massive crush on, just thinking about him makes me woozy, im head over heels in love with him, but he is straight.

Saying that he has started to wink at me all the time although this may be fun but i cant stop thinking about him.

I called him gay to see what he said but he said no your gay you keep looking at me, and i said so what...

He's started talking to me more now that i winked at him back once, but he says he is completely straight to his mates and stuff, i dont know what to do, do i accept he is gay or what?

14th Jul 2005, 03:51 PM

Just standing by and watching the other poor kid being outcasted is just as good as doing it yourself.. That may sound harsh, but it's true. I suggest you try making a new friend the next time you see him...

As for your crush, just take it slow. He may very well be playing with you, but you never know. ;-) Wait and see, you never know what will happen.

JonB321 · 14th Jul 2005, 05:16 PM

Okay... first of all, I'm with tinkergeek on this one. You should at least stick up for the kid. Not being homophobic doesn't mean your gay... it means your normal. The sad thing is, most people aren't homophobic, but they are sheep. People love falling into a mob mentality, thus, if the alpha male says one thing, the beta through omega males chirp up even louder. The nice thing about this is that if you have one dessenting voice, it throughs the whole thing for a loop, and people just feel ashamed of themselves... unless of course they are homophobic and really really jacked, in which case they may beat you up... but I doubt that scenario.

Either way. This kid seems like he has a crush on you... the winking thing is one sign, but its the talking to you more thing that's a bigger sign. Think about it, if the winking was a trap, and he thought you were gay, he wouldn't want to really be associated with you, so why would he go out of his way to talk to you so much? Also, it has been my experience that gay guys who try hiding the fact that they're gay by calling others gay, or by broadcasting their female conquests often seem the gayest of us all, so you might want to stay away from calling people gay.

Lastly, just because this other kid came out of the closet, doesn't mean you have to be friends with him... there are plenty of gay guys I would never want to be friends with... although, it would be a nice gesture to give him a chance.

goratrix · 14th Jul 2005, 11:20 PM

I don't really understand homophobia... I've never experienced it, so I can't understand why people would hate someone for being gay, or for having a different skin color for that matter, or different religion... I can, however, understand why someone would hate people that don't think, and fall into this mob mentality... but to hate someone for being different... that would imply that the fact that there is a difference is enough to hate?

I don't know... I think you should really stand up against hatred, and not just against gay people... and not just you. Try to get some human rights folk to go to your school and give a few speeches about this particular issue... I think it would help a lot.

About your crush... having a crush on a straight guy is very common, and it's incredibly difficult to come out of, however, not impossible. For what you described at your school, I don't think he'd be too eager to come out there, so I wouldn't be surprised if he was actually gay and in the closet... however, take it slowly, try to become friends with him, and try to get to know him, to trust him, and him to trust you... and then come out to him... and his reaction should give you a pretty good hint as to where he's standing.

Lumbardo · 15th Jul 2005, 03:37 PM

Id just like to say Thanks for your replies they really mean something to me but i was also wondering how would i hint out to him that i was gay and i did fancy him?

Also, i am actually now friends with the Gay guy (sean) out of school and in school but in school i tend to hang around with my best friend more.....

nisomer · 15th Jul 2005, 08:23 PM

I'm gonna he's not gay. I mean, there is a chance that he is, but just because he winks at you??? Could he not be joking around?

JonB321 · 16th Jul 2005, 12:51 AM

I mean.... there are ways to hint it to people. First of all, start talking to him. See what he's doing one night after school or on the weekends. Also, try to get into a convo about politics, or even about Sean. See what his feelings are about it, and start the conversation with your feelings, because he might be scared to tell you (I have no idea where you live, but I'd imagine in the midwest and the south of America it would be hard to say you didn't like Bush, or you supported gay marriage, or that you thought Sean was a good kid). I'm guessing you don't want to come out at school... so don't be too forward about it, because it could potentially end in you being outed at school. Just be as forward about who you are, without telling him anything in words, because words can come back to bite you.

foxshe · 16th Jul 2005, 12:31 PM

I agree with Jon. From my expiriance, guys are totally different in social situations (like school) than when you catch them alone. I suggest you ask him to hang out for something platonic.... video games, movie, ect... where you can be alone with him for a while. once you get him alone i think he will be more honest about his feelings or views. I usually find that one day together makes the relationship factor much clearer.

As for this kid at school, you shoud not participate in ostrisizing at school. Just ike religion or political view, sexual orientation is not something to judge a person by. if someone at school starts giving you crap for hanging out with him tel them that. Sometimes when people are realy being ignorant i usually pick one of thier defining characteristics (such as thier religion or even hair color) and explain that i dont like them for it. dont start any physical fights, or racial slangs, but stick up for what is right. this is the USA and it is patriotic!

hope this helped!

14th Jul 2005, 03:35 PM	#1
Lumbardo Newbie Regular Member Age: 21 Posts: 2 Join Date: Jul 2005	Help if you can! Hi, I consider myself to be gay, but in school i am classed as straight as a guy came out earlier this year and was totally mobbed and hated althought i never took part in it and now has no friends and is bullied But in school there is this boy Steven who i've got a massive massive crush on, just thinking about him makes me woozy, im head over heels in love with him, but he is straight. Saying that he has started to wink at me all the time although this may be fun but i cant stop thinking about him. I called him gay to see what he said but he said no your gay you keep looking at me, and i said so what... He's started talking to me more now that i winked at him back once, but he says he is completely straight to his mates and stuff, i dont know what to do, do i accept he is gay or what?

14th Jul 2005, 11:20 PM	#4
goratrix EC Addict Full Member Age: 25 Posts: 570 Join Date: Apr 2005	I don't really understand homophobia... I've never experienced it, so I can't understand why people would hate someone for being gay, or for having a different skin color for that matter, or different religion... I can, however, understand why someone would hate people that don't think, and fall into this mob mentality... but to hate someone for being different... that would imply that the fact that there is a difference is enough to hate? I don't know... I think you should really stand up against hatred, and not just against gay people... and not just you. Try to get some human rights folk to go to your school and give a few speeches about this particular issue... I think it would help a lot. About your crush... having a crush on a straight guy is very common, and it's incredibly difficult to come out of, however, not impossible. For what you described at your school, I don't think he'd be too eager to come out there, so I wouldn't be surprised if he was actually gay and in the closet... however, take it slowly, try to become friends with him, and try to get to know him, to trust him, and him to trust you... and then come out to him... and his reaction should give you a pretty good hint as to where he's standing. __________________ Cicciux Back from beyond. A different dog.

15th Jul 2005, 03:37 PM	#5
Lumbardo Newbie Regular Member Age: 21 Posts: 2 Join Date: Jul 2005	k Id just like to say Thanks for your replies they really mean something to me but i was also wondering how would i hint out to him that i was gay and i did fancy him? Also, i am actually now friends with the Gay guy (sean) out of school and in school but in school i tend to hang around with my best friend more.....

14th Jul 2005, 03:51 PM	#2
tinkergeek Guest Posts: n/a	Just standing by and watching the other poor kid being outcasted is just as good as doing it yourself.. That may sound harsh, but it's true. I suggest you try making a new friend the next time you see him... As for your crush, just take it slow. He may very well be playing with you, but you never know. ;-) Wait and see, you never know what will happen.

14th Jul 2005, 05:16 PM	#3
JonB321 Member Regular Member Location: Long Island, NY Age: 28 Posts: 74 Join Date: Jul 2005	Okay... first of all, I'm with tinkergeek on this one. You should at least stick up for the kid. Not being homophobic doesn't mean your gay... it means your normal. The sad thing is, most people aren't homophobic, but they are sheep. People love falling into a mob mentality, thus, if the alpha male says one thing, the beta through omega males chirp up even louder. The nice thing about this is that if you have one dessenting voice, it throughs the whole thing for a loop, and people just feel ashamed of themselves... unless of course they are homophobic and really really jacked, in which case they may beat you up... but I doubt that scenario. Either way. This kid seems like he has a crush on you... the winking thing is one sign, but its the talking to you more thing that's a bigger sign. Think about it, if the winking was a trap, and he thought you were gay, he wouldn't want to really be associated with you, so why would he go out of his way to talk to you so much? Also, it has been my experience that gay guys who try hiding the fact that they're gay by calling others gay, or by broadcasting their female conquests often seem the gayest of us all, so you might want to stay away from calling people gay. Lastly, just because this other kid came out of the closet, doesn't mean you have to be friends with him... there are plenty of gay guys I would never want to be friends with... although, it would be a nice gesture to give him a chance.

15th Jul 2005, 08:23 PM	#6
nisomer Da Jedi Masta Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: All but a few Location: MN Age: 23 Posts: 581 Join Date: Mar 2005	I'm gonna he's not gay. I mean, there is a chance that he is, but just because he winks at you??? Could he not be joking around?

16th Jul 2005, 12:51 AM	#7
JonB321 Member Regular Member Location: Long Island, NY Age: 28 Posts: 74 Join Date: Jul 2005	I mean.... there are ways to hint it to people. First of all, start talking to him. See what he's doing one night after school or on the weekends. Also, try to get into a convo about politics, or even about Sean. See what his feelings are about it, and start the conversation with your feelings, because he might be scared to tell you (I have no idea where you live, but I'd imagine in the midwest and the south of America it would be hard to say you didn't like Bush, or you supported gay marriage, or that you thought Sean was a good kid). I'm guessing you don't want to come out at school... so don't be too forward about it, because it could potentially end in you being outed at school. Just be as forward about who you are, without telling him anything in words, because words can come back to bite you.

16th Jul 2005, 12:31 PM	#8
foxshe Newbie Regular Member Age: 30 Posts: 6 Join Date: Jul 2005	I agree with Jon. From my expiriance, guys are totally different in social situations (like school) than when you catch them alone. I suggest you ask him to hang out for something platonic.... video games, movie, ect... where you can be alone with him for a while. once you get him alone i think he will be more honest about his feelings or views. I usually find that one day together makes the relationship factor much clearer. As for this kid at school, you shoud not participate in ostrisizing at school. Just ike religion or political view, sexual orientation is not something to judge a person by. if someone at school starts giving you crap for hanging out with him tel them that. Sometimes when people are realy being ignorant i usually pick one of thier defining characteristics (such as thier religion or even hair color) and explain that i dont like them for it. dont start any physical fights, or racial slangs, but stick up for what is right. this is the USA and it is patriotic! hope this helped!