Flirting With Guys - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

smurf1978 · 19th Aug 2005, 10:15 PM

Hi every one

Firstly I would like to say I think this is a great forum and every one seems very friendly.

Over the last few months I have been taking stock of my life and have come to the conclusion that I'm Bi Sexual (with a preference for women), although as yet I haven’t had any relationships with guys.

I have told 4 friends over the Net that I'm Bi (we live to far apart to have done it in person). They have been very helpful; one even has a Bi brother so she has been able to give me lots of advice. At the moment I'm still a little uncomfortable with the idea of not being 100% straight. I have days when I feel fine and happy about being bi and having told some people, and others where I feel a little unsure about things. I don’t think I'm going to “come out” to any more people, certainly not family until such time as I have a same sex relationship. I think my folks would be ok with me being Bi; in fact I'm sure they think I'm gay, as do many others.

What I would really appreciate some help with is flirting with other gay/bi guys. There is a guy I have met a few times, who I hope to see at an event next week. I really like him in all ways he has a great personality and looks great. I'm fairly sure he is gay/bi the only problem is that I want to let him know I like him discreetly, as there will be other friends of mine around who I would prefer didn’t know about me being Bi.

I don’t even have much experience flirting with women so I would be grateful if you could give me any tips on flirting with guys. Are there any specific signals I could give that he would likely pick up on if he were gay/bi?

My apologies for such a long post, although I think it has helped me take the next step as it were.

Best wishes & many thanks

Smurf

JonB321 · 19th Aug 2005, 10:38 PM

Well... I don't have the most experience in this department, but I can lend some advice. First of all, make sure you look good, even more so than you might normally. Also, wear slightly tighter clothing than you normally do, unless you already wear tight clothing, in which case you don't want it painted onto your skin. But besides that, it's all about eye contact. Make as much of it as you can! Be sure to steal as many glances as possible, but make sure that you're not being overly obvious about it. Also, you want him to notice that you're looking at him a little more than usual. You can't just stare at his back and expect him to notice. You might also want to touch him a bit more than usual... not in like a sexual way, but if you're talking with him and he makes a joke, grab his arm while you're laughing at it (as if patting him for a really good joke), maybe shake hands for a bit longer than usual. When you approach him, pat him on the back or something. Who knows, but if it feels uncomfortable, don't do it, because that probably means that it's a little overboard.

If all else fails, comment on his clothing, and the hot guy across the room's ass.

You may also want to think about whether or not you really want to hook up without being out. Be ready to deal with gossip or rumors if the news gets out. Recently, my straight roomate hooked up with a gay guy, for 6 months no one knew, this summer, the flood gates openned, and everyone at my school knows about it. He's fine with it, but you may want to think about it a little.

smurf1978 · 21st Aug 2005, 11:48 AM

Hi Jon

Thanks for your reply the advice is really helpful. I will definitely try out the eye contact and handshake etc. Commenting on his clothing should be easy, as he has always worn great clothes when I have seen him before. I've just got some new clothes my self and will make sure I spend extra time on my appearence as you suggest

I think I'll have to take a risk with the gossip, as this may be the last chance I get to see him for some time due to the nature of his job. To a degree I’m kind of used to that kind of gossip because people have been saying stuff about me being gay for ages

Thanks again for your advice I really appreciate it.
Best wishes
Smurf

21st Aug 2005, 03:36 PM

If you and him already kind of "click" as friend would, casually ask him for his msn/number to keep "in touch." Can't hurt, and it'll be an avenue to secure a future meeting. Good luck!

BlackCherryBLN · 19th Sep 2005, 12:30 PM

Oh, it always is in the thoughts that go on in your head when you look him straight in the eye. If he wants to share those thoughts, he will sure be interested to know what you are thinking. If he is not interested, he will look in your eye and say "G'day". Eye contact, is always very, very important. Short stolen eye contact moments, adn long staring eye contact moments. A moment away from the rest of the group (to fetch something to drink, or to go to the wash room or to get the jacket you forgot in the car or whatever) might also be helpful. AND ALWAYS BE HONEST AND YOURSELF.

When the going gets tough, we're by ourselves - it never (ok, seldom) happens the way it does in the movies. GOOD LUCK!

19th Aug 2005, 10:15 PM	#1
smurf1978 Newbie Regular Member Age: 34 Posts: 2 Join Date: Aug 2005	Flirting With Guys Hi every one Firstly I would like to say I think this is a great forum and every one seems very friendly. Over the last few months I have been taking stock of my life and have come to the conclusion that I'm Bi Sexual (with a preference for women), although as yet I haven’t had any relationships with guys. I have told 4 friends over the Net that I'm Bi (we live to far apart to have done it in person). They have been very helpful; one even has a Bi brother so she has been able to give me lots of advice. At the moment I'm still a little uncomfortable with the idea of not being 100% straight. I have days when I feel fine and happy about being bi and having told some people, and others where I feel a little unsure about things. I don’t think I'm going to “come out” to any more people, certainly not family until such time as I have a same sex relationship. I think my folks would be ok with me being Bi; in fact I'm sure they think I'm gay, as do many others. What I would really appreciate some help with is flirting with other gay/bi guys. There is a guy I have met a few times, who I hope to see at an event next week. I really like him in all ways he has a great personality and looks great. I'm fairly sure he is gay/bi the only problem is that I want to let him know I like him discreetly, as there will be other friends of mine around who I would prefer didn’t know about me being Bi. I don’t even have much experience flirting with women so I would be grateful if you could give me any tips on flirting with guys. Are there any specific signals I could give that he would likely pick up on if he were gay/bi? My apologies for such a long post, although I think it has helped me take the next step as it were. Best wishes & many thanks Smurf

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19th Aug 2005, 10:38 PM	#2
JonB321 Member Regular Member Location: Long Island, NY Age: 28 Posts: 74 Join Date: Jul 2005	Well... I don't have the most experience in this department, but I can lend some advice. First of all, make sure you look good, even more so than you might normally. Also, wear slightly tighter clothing than you normally do, unless you already wear tight clothing, in which case you don't want it painted onto your skin. But besides that, it's all about eye contact. Make as much of it as you can! Be sure to steal as many glances as possible, but make sure that you're not being overly obvious about it. Also, you want him to notice that you're looking at him a little more than usual. You can't just stare at his back and expect him to notice. You might also want to touch him a bit more than usual... not in like a sexual way, but if you're talking with him and he makes a joke, grab his arm while you're laughing at it (as if patting him for a really good joke), maybe shake hands for a bit longer than usual. When you approach him, pat him on the back or something. Who knows, but if it feels uncomfortable, don't do it, because that probably means that it's a little overboard. If all else fails, comment on his clothing, and the hot guy across the room's ass. You may also want to think about whether or not you really want to hook up without being out. Be ready to deal with gossip or rumors if the news gets out. Recently, my straight roomate hooked up with a gay guy, for 6 months no one knew, this summer, the flood gates openned, and everyone at my school knows about it. He's fine with it, but you may want to think about it a little.

21st Aug 2005, 11:48 AM	#3
smurf1978 Newbie Regular Member Age: 34 Posts: 2 Join Date: Aug 2005	Hi Jon Thanks for your reply the advice is really helpful. I will definitely try out the eye contact and handshake etc. Commenting on his clothing should be easy, as he has always worn great clothes when I have seen him before. I've just got some new clothes my self and will make sure I spend extra time on my appearence as you suggest I think I'll have to take a risk with the gossip, as this may be the last chance I get to see him for some time due to the nature of his job. To a degree I’m kind of used to that kind of gossip because people have been saying stuff about me being gay for ages Thanks again for your advice I really appreciate it. Best wishes Smurf

21st Aug 2005, 03:36 PM	#4
Aaron Guest Posts: n/a	If you and him already kind of "click" as friend would, casually ask him for his msn/number to keep "in touch." Can't hurt, and it'll be an avenue to secure a future meeting. Good luck!

19th Sep 2005, 12:30 PM	#5
BlackCherryBLN Member Regular Member Location: Berlin - Germany Age: 37 Posts: 17 Join Date: Sep 2005	Oh, it always is in the thoughts that go on in your head when you look him straight in the eye. If he wants to share those thoughts, he will sure be interested to know what you are thinking. If he is not interested, he will look in your eye and say "G'day". Eye contact, is always very, very important. Short stolen eye contact moments, adn long staring eye contact moments. A moment away from the rest of the group (to fetch something to drink, or to go to the wash room or to get the jacket you forgot in the car or whatever) might also be helpful. AND ALWAYS BE HONEST AND YOURSELF. When the going gets tough, we're by ourselves - it never (ok, seldom) happens the way it does in the movies. GOOD LUCK!