I realised today as I was browsing the site at school, that it's been ages since I've actually created a thread, let alone on my "out status". And since there are a lot of new people on the site, I thought I'd share an update on my own experiences...and issues. Ok, so after coming out to my close friends ages ago, it sort of became unconfirmed to everyone I was gay. That is, people thought it, and deep down knew it, but it was just unmentioned. As I go to an all guys school, the general way everyone took it was to just not mention it at all, sort of a "We won't ask, if you don't mention" type of philosophy. I didn't really feel the need to go around actually saying to people "I'm gay" or "omg my boyfriend is so hot". As long as they know it, I dont see why it should be a huge issue. [Side story: doesnt have to do with the main point so if you're short on time skip it ")] Meeting gay people just sort of happened for me. I went on a school excursion mid-last year (before coming out). There were 3 other people on that excursion in my year level. The rest were the year below. Needless to say we all stuck together and talked ect. Anyway, I knew 2 of the other boys, but the third one [Hamish] I had only seen in the halls. He striked me as a little gay, but I just passed it off as metro sexuality. Anyway we had a great time, but it took place on the last week of term. So for the next two weeks we had holidays, and I didn't know Hamish enough to hang out/ask for his number etc. So one day on the holidays I'm browsing through the local gay website and found his profile! So I added him to msn and sent him my picture. He was like "David?!? Oh my god! this is Hamish...you know, from school!". We decided to go to an underage gay dance party together, and from there became best friends. [end of side story] Through all this there was one element missing, and is still missing to this day. My family knowing about my sexuality. As I've said in earlier posts, my family is extremely religious, and being gay just isn't an option for them. I live with my sister, mum and dad at the moment. My older (non religious brothers) live away from home. In regards to coming out to my family...well, my sister used her boyfriend (who has an *awesome* body) to "suss me out" by telling me he was gay etc to see whether or not I was gay. I wasn't so easily fooled, and I was hurt that my sister would do that instead of just asking me. I would come out to her now, except I know she would be cool with it, but she would also tell my parents if she became annoyed with me or similar. As for my parents...well...Thats the main problem. I have no idea how they would react. Most people know that deep down their parents would love them regardless. I know mine would too...but that doesn't mean it wouldn't course a lot of preaching, condescending talk and them trying to control my life and "convert me back". Hamish has offered to let me stay at his house for a week if i *did* do it, just to let things blow over. But I'm sure it would take more than a week for them to get used to the idea. But my mum has cottoned on. I know that. A few weeks back I was having a conversation with my sister, after spending a night with Hamish watching chick flicks. My sister told me of a conversation she had with my mum, where my sister said "Dont you think its weird that David and Hamish hired movies that I would usually Hire?". My sister says that my mum then snapped at her, saying "Theres nothing wrong with David! He's perfectly fine!". She's in denial. Her good, christian boy can't be gay. I'm not sure whether to feel powerful, knowing that there is little I can do that will make her think "maybe david is gay" or whether to be worried that when I do decide to come out to her, it's going to take an exceptional amount of work to convince her to accept it. I've come so close before. But it's always been out of anger at the peak of a fight. It's my trump card, but I know I can't play it. I know I can't come out to her like that, it would mess things up entirely, but sometimes it just seems so much easier, especially when things seem as messed up as they already are with her.
I agree with your last paragraph. It can't be used as a trump card when you are angry. That would be a very bad way to come out and would fuel even more anger. Anger and coming out would forever be associated in her mind. If/when you decide to tell her, it must be done when you are both calm and have some time to yourselves. So not when Dad is due in from work in ten minutes or whatever. But do you really need to tell her at the moment? It sounds like your sister and Mum are both beginning to realise for themselves. Maybe you should let that continue for a little while and see how things go? You might sense whether they are beginning to come around to accepting or whether your Mum is continuing to deny it. More hints and clues wouldn't do any harm, though it sounds like there is plenty of those already!
