internet, don't judge

[toremi]

more specifically, craigslist.

I have already seen some posts on here about craigslist but here my full story out (or try to, ) before making a complete judgement.

I know it sounds dirty; because if you go on there and read the majority of the posts they ARE dirty. And by majority I mean 99.9%. Well I use to kind of troll them just to see what was there without intention really and I came across one that peaked my interest. It was a guy around my age, looking for a friend to chill with, watch movies, chat, have fun... and if it felt right a little extra on the side.

So I replied. We e-mailed back and forth for a week or more and chatted, got to know each other. Then we skyped a couple times before meeting in person so we knew we weren't some creepos. Then we met with the knowledge of friends knowing we were meeting and what not. Anyway we hung a couple times and watched movies, cuddled and got physical.

Now it happened a couple times then our schedules got busy and it kind of petered off. Now he has messaged asking if I wanna hang again. I just don't know. I hear all the negative things about craigslist, for obvious reasons but is this situation really any different from meeting someone at a club or a meeting? I mean we chatted a good WEEK before we met, got to know a lot about each other and our status', etc, etc. Thats prob more than some can say about ppl they've met at a club right?

It's easy for me to go there because I am still exploring and he seems safe --but then I always have this warning going off in the back of my mind like -- why was he on craigslist, doesn't he know its only for creepos. Anyways, I want real tough hard opinions on this because I am unsure of how to progress.

thanks in advance guys

[Daisy1]

There are no guarantees that he's not a creep, but it seems like you've done everything right. To the extent possible, meet in public place and let your friends know where you'll be. Then, I'd say go for it.

[Danny19]

i do feel a little ashamed of saying this but i hooked up with some one from there. I felt weird and a bit scared but he turned out to be a nice guy.

Not everyone can be a creepo on there. There can be guys that, like you, are curious. Its stereotyping to say everyone on there is a creep. So i say if you have met with someone and you like them then go ahead and meet them again

[Lexington]

You've done everything right, basically. You took your time getting to know him, you met in public first, you told people where you would be, you left yourself an out if you ended up getting weirded out. So no, there's nothing necessarily wrong with getting back together with him. But make sure you keep using protection, because odds are that you're not the first guy he's met this way.

Lex

[EM68]

It sounds like he may be interested in you. If your interested why not hang out again? Nothing ventured nothing gained. I met my husband online and I don't regret it at all.

[jimL]

I also have been on CL. I got together with a couple of guys that were a little on the weird side. I also met a very nice guy that I have been seeing for over a year. He is not creepy and neither am I. Just be careful, which it sounds like you have already been. I'll say that I have met some really creepy people in bars also. You just have to be smart about meeting someone that you don't know no matter what the venue. Good luck.

[toremi]

Originally Posted by Daisy1

There are no guarantees that he's not a creep,

How right you were!

I thought I would update on this story -- and prove myself wrong. Now I thought I had met a pretty decent guy... one that I could at least have a standing relationship with -- and by that I mean some sort of relationship be it friendship or more.

I'm just glad I didn't go as far as I was planning on it.

He seemed like a great guy as I stated before. We met, got to know one another, cuddled and eventually got physical. Now there was one specific aspect of the physical contact that I held out on -- even though I felt as though he might be a good guy to experiment with. Either way my judgement was to wait a while and I am glad I did!

We went out tonight for what was suppose to be a first date -- which would actually mean it is the first time I had what was referred to as a date with a man. So that was kinda exciting and new.

Now the reason we haven't been hanging out much is because I am busy with work, him with school -- he had gotten a new roommate so he didn't wanna hang there much just yet and I am no where near out so we couldn't hang at my place.

Anyway -- bit of background. When I first met him he informed me he had been married to a man... for a couple years and that unfortunately his husband had passed away. He still had pictures of them up in their house... which made sense cause it had happened only with the last two years. He spoke of receiving the call and being shocked and that was pretty much that.

We never chilled in his bed and I assumed it was due to memories and not being willing to move on yet -- I had a friend whose mother did that... to this day her new boyfriend doesn't sleep in her bed which was her husbands. Everyone is different right?

Anyway when we met today I took note again of the pictures and thought about the sadness of it all. It has been about a month since we hung out so yeah.

When we were walking I asked, "So you have a new roommate? How is it going now"

And proceeds to tell me the story, like the hyper person he is... only one thing. He must have forgotten our first meeting... and what he said in that first meeting.

Husband isn't dead. Husband is very much alive and living back in the house now. He was apparently away cause they had broken up and he moved back to his home province. Nevertheless it is still both of their home so he is back and apparently they are sharing the house.

I was shocked. I kept my mouth shut. I finished the quick date. Came back home and yeah thats it for that. I don't even know if I believe he was ever even broken up with his husband. I mean when we hung out he always had specific hours he hung out at and he never went passed them. I figure it was because he really had a lot on his plate but now I am wondering??? Weird. Bizarre. Strange.

I'm an idiot! ha. And I feel kinda disgusted with myself, especially if he has been married the whole time -- or at the very least in a relationship of sorts (whether it been on a break or complicated or what) But one thing that is good is my memory, which it's a good damn thing.

Anyways so that's that.

total creepo...

[ukeye]

Wow that was fast - I'm glad you had the realisation and held back the full extent of yourself. You can do one of 2 things now - 1. totally ignore him or 2. explain that he wasn't honest with you and you are looking for someone who is wholly available. Either way is fine, as he is the one who led you astray.

Don't beat yourself up - just put it down to experience - You gave it a shot, you took it slow and now you have more insight and awareness.. not an idiot at all.

[Gravity]

Originally Posted by toremi

I'm an idiot! ha. And I feel kinda disgusted with myself, especially if he has been married the whole time -- or at the very least in a relationship of sorts (whether it been on a break or complicated or what) But one thing that is good is my memory, which it's a good damn thing.

Actually, quite the opposite - herein lies the virtue of waiting. Good for you! I'd say you handled it perfectly and you have nothing to feel disgusted about - that seems to be his particular obligation at this point.

Not saying it's fun to discover that about someone, and I've had similar (though not the same) situations, but you can certainly hold your head up high at least.

[toremi]

I know but there is a potential third party who is probably unaware of all of this.

He could be telling the truth; maybe they really weren't together during that time, but maybe they were. I feel like I should have said something, but I was just kinda frozen by it all. I guess I will wait and see where it progresses. I have a feeling he is going to contact me again, because he showed interest in it. Maybe I will have a chance to say something at that point.

Either way I am done with it... and done with any sort of it for the time being. I am still far to confused to be jumping into things with people. I feel like I am doing it just for the experience of it and that probably isn't the right reason. I don't even know where I am at right now so it is probably best just to take a step back and let it ride for a while

[Chip]

I'm sorry you had the experience you did, but I also have to applaud you for being cautious and slow with things.

I was actually going to say "Not everyone on Craigslist is a creep/liar/cheat" but... it seems in this case that the odds and statistics about Craigslist came home to roost. Just glad you didn't get taken in.

And... the fact that the asshole was such a lousy/inconsistent liar that he couldn't even keep track of what story he'd told you says a lot.

So yeah, as far as craigslist goes... I haven't heard many stories of people making good connections there (except, occasionally, through the "platonic friends" section -- even though, unfortunately, 90% of the guys posting there don't seem to know what "platonic" means.)

Sorry it didn't work out for you, but give yourself a pat on the back for being cautious and skeptical and not allowing yourself to get too invested. It could have been a lot worse.

[toremi]

Thanks Chip!

Means a lot. I am still a bit disappointed with myself because it definitely went further than it should have -- ESPECIALLY in hindsight. But I did hold out on the one thing that I was unsure of and I am certainly glad I did. I wish I could just go back and take back a bit of the other stuff.

In all honesty though -- he was a "nice" guy in the sense of I wasn't pressured to do what I did do -- it happened naturally and believe it or not he was actually very informative. I think I learned more than a handful of things from him about sexual contact -- what to be aware of etc, etc. Except now maybe I should take some of that into question given recent information. Either way I have learned and that's what matters.

[Jim1454]

Not everyone on that site is a Creepo - because you were on that site. And I felt the same way - that if I'm out here looking for someone, there's got to be other decent guys out there looking for someone, and maybe they're on this site as well.

As Chip said, I actually did make a number of friends through CL, and one I'm still in touch with over 4 years later. So it isn't all bad - and I used to like reading the ads too - it must have satisfied my inner voyeur.

[needshelp]

well, here's something that i learned. whether you met them online or offline, when you're dealing with strangers who you really don't know that well and even people you know, you have to be careful. you don't know who you're dealing with or if that person has some skeletons in their closet they're hiding away from you which may affect you. even if they show you the confines of their home, introduce you to their family (mother, father, brother, sister, and etc), you always have to have the what if in the back of your head.

but i've met people off craigslist who i thought were probably going to mess me up that turned out to be cool. you just have to be careful that's all.

[toremi]

I agree -- it doesn't matter where you meet someone they all have the ability to decieve you. Been there and done that.

In all honesty it was sorta of a bummer because although I also like to read the post due to my inner voyeur -- this guy seemed so legit. Like basically looking for the same kind of relationship I was; which is a bit more than friends but a bit less than lovers, haha which is hard to fill. But alas I think now he is actually looking for more maybe I don't know.

I told my one and only gay friend who knows my situation and he said, "Welcome to the Gaydome" lol as a joke of course.

And I did meet him on craigslist and we are strictly platonic friends soo I know its not all bad!

[Sunsetting]

toremi, you did a great job. you're far from an idiot and don't be disgusted at all. you were careful and best of all, you learned from this whole thing. good on you. really.... good on you!