Have you ever? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Mlpguy88 · 16th Jan 2012, 02:56 PM

Has this ever happened to you?

During the beginning of December I was very ready to come out when my winter break came. But then of course, something had to get in the way(health problems, I won't go into the details) and then I lost all my ambition with coming out and dealt with my health problems. And even though my opportunity has past and my health is getting better, I now have no motivation for coming out in the future. I don't really know why, I feel like someone has knocked me on my ass.

Has this ever happened to anyone else?

Chouchou · 16th Jan 2012, 03:04 PM

Yes. I told myself I would tell my parents during my birthday, but then panicked at the prospect and abandoned the idea. I later decided that I should wait until I land a job or pass the CPA before I tell them. Who knows, I might panic and change my mind again. It's pretty normal--coming out is commonly a nerve-wracking experience.

Raj · 16th Jan 2012, 05:27 PM

Same thing happening to me now. 2 weeks ago I was very ready to come out. It kept me up at night thinking about it. Not sure what the exact cause was but now I have no desire to. It is kind of discouraging I thought I was finally moving forward in my life and now I'm back standing still. I started a new job about a week ago and I tell myself this is why. Maybe after I have been in the job a while I will find the same desire I had a couple of weeks ago. We will see.

Gravity · 16th Jan 2012, 09:31 PM

Coming out is hard - even if the health problems didn't themselves expressly prevent you from doing it, they probably gave you a reason not to, and now, as you say, you've lost your drive to come out.

Why did you want to come out in the first place? What drove you to want it before?

Mlpguy88 · 17th Jan 2012, 12:05 PM

Why did you want to come out in the first place? What drove you to want it before?[/QUOTE]

It was really bothering me to keep this in for as long as I have, but now the feeling is gone. It took me my whole life to feel ready to do it, and now that the feeling is gone I'm just worried that it will takes me years to be ready again.
I'm probably being irrational but it's just an odd feeling to have.

Gravity · 17th Jan 2012, 03:29 PM

Well, did it literally take you your WHOLE life? Or just several years, or even just a few?

Try not to overemphasize it for yourself, so to speak. It sounds like you genuinely want to come out, and if that's the case, I'm sure you will some time. You could flip it around and say that, since you've already managed to work up the courage to do it, you know you'll be able to again.

Overall, I'd say don't force yourself to hold on to feelings that you may be having for very good reasons at the moment. It definitely sucks to have been sidetracked on your coming out plans, and I think it's totally reasonable to respond with the feelings you're having. Just be careful not to force yourself into *thinking* (as opposed to feeling) that now you're stuck, it'll never happen, you'll never be able to again, etc. etc. etc. Because that will only become true if you make it come true.

GoinStag · 17th Jan 2012, 04:24 PM

Yeah, I've gone through those phases. It's frustrating, I know. Just make sure you know you're completely ready (emotionally and logically) to come out when/if you do.

Chimera · 17th Jan 2012, 04:44 PM

As someone who's dealt with acute and chronic health problems I feel your pain. When I'm recovering from a flare-up I get that "knocked on my ass" feeling that makes me lose all motivation, and it's easy to feel like the depression will last for the rest of your life. Do allow yourself the time and patience to regain your physical and emotional energy before making any life altering choices

Mlpguy88 · 17th Jan 2012, 05:12 PM

[QUOTE=Gravity;985938]Well, did it literally take you your WHOLE life? Or just several years, or even just a few?

Your right, that was a poor choice of words. But it did take me close to a decade to be able to accept who I am, and work up the nerve to actually want to tell someone.
I've been going through alot of emotions lately and it's just causing me to think about the things in my life, and because I was ready to do something this big and then not do it, it just gives me a weird feeling.

Holmes · 18th Jan 2012, 02:49 AM

There are two things worth remembering. You're life will in the end be a lot better once you do come out, because you won't be causing yourself all this inner anxiety. That's even if it does take time for some people to adapt. The other is that even though you should come out, don't hold it against yourself for wanting to do it at a good time. There will always be an excuse of some sort, but if you're going through a rough patch that you can see a clear end to, don't pressure yourself unduly.

Jski · 18th Jan 2012, 11:32 AM

OMG yes! I was ready to come out to my fiends and brothers and then I got kidney stones! But it was during college finals too. Basically the worst 2 months of my entire life. But now it's done and over with and I told all my friends and brothers and they are happy for me and I'm happy myself.

16th Jan 2012, 02:56 PM	#1
Mlpguy88 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Not out at all Location: Michigan Age: 21 Posts: 530 Join Date: Nov 2011	Have you ever? Has this ever happened to you? During the beginning of December I was very ready to come out when my winter break came. But then of course, something had to get in the way(health problems, I won't go into the details) and then I lost all my ambition with coming out and dealt with my health problems. And even though my opportunity has past and my health is getting better, I now have no motivation for coming out in the future. I don't really know why, I feel like someone has knocked me on my ass. Has this ever happened to anyone else?

16th Jan 2012, 03:04 PM	#2
Chouchou Warrior Goddess Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Homosexual (asexual?) and mostly homoromantic Out Status: To some friends, but not to family Location: Wisconsin, USA Age: 26 Posts: 1,109 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: Have you ever? Yes. I told myself I would tell my parents during my birthday, but then panicked at the prospect and abandoned the idea. I later decided that I should wait until I land a job or pass the CPA before I tell them. Who knows, I might panic and change my mind again. It's pretty normal--coming out is commonly a nerve-wracking experience. __________________ "The good neighbor looks beyond the external accidents and discerns those inner qualities that make all men human and, therefore, brothers." -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

16th Jan 2012, 05:27 PM	#3
Raj Newbie Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Not out at all Posts: 7 Join Date: Dec 2011	Re: Have you ever? Same thing happening to me now. 2 weeks ago I was very ready to come out. It kept me up at night thinking about it. Not sure what the exact cause was but now I have no desire to. It is kind of discouraging I thought I was finally moving forward in my life and now I'm back standing still. I started a new job about a week ago and I tell myself this is why. Maybe after I have been in the job a while I will find the same desire I had a couple of weeks ago. We will see.

16th Jan 2012, 09:31 PM	#4
Gravity EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Arizona Age: 31 Posts: 642 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: Have you ever? Coming out is hard - even if the health problems didn't themselves expressly prevent you from doing it, they probably gave you a reason not to, and now, as you say, you've lost your drive to come out. Why did you want to come out in the first place? What drove you to want it before? __________________ "If you didn't think it would hurt your reputation, what would you choose?"

17th Jan 2012, 12:05 PM	#5
Mlpguy88 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Not out at all Location: Michigan Age: 21 Posts: 530 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: Have you ever? Why did you want to come out in the first place? What drove you to want it before?[/QUOTE] It was really bothering me to keep this in for as long as I have, but now the feeling is gone. It took me my whole life to feel ready to do it, and now that the feeling is gone I'm just worried that it will takes me years to be ready again. I'm probably being irrational but it's just an odd feeling to have.

17th Jan 2012, 03:29 PM	#6
Gravity EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Arizona Age: 31 Posts: 642 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: Have you ever? Well, did it literally take you your WHOLE life? Or just several years, or even just a few? Try not to overemphasize it for yourself, so to speak. It sounds like you genuinely want to come out, and if that's the case, I'm sure you will some time. You could flip it around and say that, since you've already managed to work up the courage to do it, you know you'll be able to again. Overall, I'd say don't force yourself to hold on to feelings that you may be having for very good reasons at the moment. It definitely sucks to have been sidetracked on your coming out plans, and I think it's totally reasonable to respond with the feelings you're having. Just be careful not to force yourself into thinking (as opposed to feeling) that now you're stuck, it'll never happen, you'll never be able to again, etc. etc. etc. Because that will only become true if you make it come true. __________________ "If you didn't think it would hurt your reputation, what would you choose?"

17th Jan 2012, 04:24 PM	#7
GoinStag I'm straight now............sikeeee Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Guy fetish Out Status: Parents, siblings, and therapist Location: Metro Detroit, Michigan Age: 18 Posts: 1,485 Join Date: May 2010	Re: Have you ever? Yeah, I've gone through those phases. It's frustrating, I know. Just make sure you know you're completely ready (emotionally and logically) to come out when/if you do. __________________ *I've been thinking 'bout this all day long, Never felt a feeling quite this strong...I can't believe how much it turns me on, Just to be your man...*

17th Jan 2012, 04:44 PM	#8
Chimera Member Regular Member Gender: Androgynous Orientation: Lez/Bi?? Out Status: A few people Location: Seattle, WA Age: 27 Posts: 27 Join Date: Jan 2012	Re: Have you ever? As someone who's dealt with acute and chronic health problems I feel your pain. When I'm recovering from a flare-up I get that "knocked on my ass" feeling that makes me lose all motivation, and it's easy to feel like the depression will last for the rest of your life. Do allow yourself the time and patience to regain your physical and emotional energy before making any life altering choices

17th Jan 2012, 05:12 PM	#9
Mlpguy88 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Not out at all Location: Michigan Age: 21 Posts: 530 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: Have you ever? [QUOTE=Gravity;985938]Well, did it literally take you your WHOLE life? Or just several years, or even just a few? Your right, that was a poor choice of words. But it did take me close to a decade to be able to accept who I am, and work up the nerve to actually want to tell someone. I've been going through alot of emotions lately and it's just causing me to think about the things in my life, and because I was ready to do something this big and then not do it, it just gives me a weird feeling.

18th Jan 2012, 02:49 AM	#10
Holmes EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out Location: Ireland Age: 25 Posts: 609 Join Date: Aug 2009	Re: Have you ever? There are two things worth remembering. You're life will in the end be a lot better once you do come out, because you won't be causing yourself all this inner anxiety. That's even if it does take time for some people to adapt. The other is that even though you should come out, don't hold it against yourself for wanting to do it at a good time. There will always be an excuse of some sort, but if you're going through a rough patch that you can see a clear end to, don't pressure yourself unduly.

18th Jan 2012, 11:32 AM	#11
Jski Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Age: 21 Posts: 26 Join Date: Jan 2012	Re: Have you ever? OMG yes! I was ready to come out to my fiends and brothers and then I got kidney stones! But it was during college finals too. Basically the worst 2 months of my entire life. But now it's done and over with and I told all my friends and brothers and they are happy for me and I'm happy myself.