I can't seem to be able to deal with it

[Bedroom Hymns]

I thought I had already got over it, I thought I liked being gay.

But very often, these feelings of emptiness, loneliness, self-loathing, and just wanting to get out of my damn body come and invade my mind. And I think it might be because I'm still not completely okay with my sexuality.
Sometimes I just imagine a relationship with a girl and it's nice, it's something I'd love to have. Lately I've been wondering how a relationship with a guy would work, I don't like the little I can picture. It's like if I was with a guy I'd always be comparing him to me and thinking about how he'd be better than me in certain aspects, since we'd both be guys. I feel like I'd always be feeling like I'm not good enough for him.

In general I just feel empty, and I don't know what to do to fill the void. I'm not interested in my family, in my friends or even in a relationship. I just want to move the fuck away and start a new life.

Sorry for the small rant.

[Chip]

I think those feelings are pretty normal in the process of coming to full acceptance. Remember that the in the 5 stages of loss, "grief" is the last one before acceptance, and some depression or emptiness from grieving the losses is part of the process.

If you think about it though, people don't just limit themselves to comparing themselves to others of the same sex. People compare academic achievements, job titles, pay rates, body fitness, and all sorts of other things. So what I'd read into what you're saying has more to do with not feeling confident and comfortable about yourself, not specifically about how you'd feel in a relationship. And that, too, is understandable (and actually pretty common among people your age.)

So the best thing you can do is explore yourself and remind yourself of all the positive attributes you have. You can think about the pieces of yourself you don't like, but focus on how you can learn to love yourself as-is, and how you can improve the parts of self you aren't happy with that you can improve (toning up muscles or studying harder in school and the like.)

I also encourage everyone to listen to what Brene Brown has to say about self-acceptance and self-love. Her work on shame and what she calls "wholeheartedness" is simply brilliant:

+ YouTube Video

+ YouTube Video

[sometimesbetter]

Welcome to how I feel. Honesty, from what everyone's told me and from what I've thought about, you just need time. Your mind needs to adjust to the idea of what is and what isn't "normal". It has to re-define some aspects. You need to distract yourself with things you used to like and maybe, try out some new things you've never done before. It'll pass. Trust me. This feeling of shit will pass.

[Bedroom Hymns]

OK guys thank you for your advice, I feel better now . I do hope it's just a normal thing to happen and that it will go away.

I watched a bit of the video, I'll watch the rest tomorrow. She seems quite cool .