Lesbian or Bi?

[BroadwayDreamer]

For a long time, Ive always thought I was a lesbian, but recently I have been interested in both guys and girls. I know I'm not straight, and it is not just "a phase" but I am very confused. Also, Ive been thinking about coming out, which will just lead to a world of issues if Im not sure. What's your advice?

[J Snow]

Things really aren't as simple as lesbian or bi. Sexuality is really a more complex spectrum. Those are just words used to define something that's more complex. For example, you might like apples way more than oranges, but that doesn't mean you don't still like oranges every now and then. I think sexuality is somewhat similar, and certainly more complicated than is commonly believed.

If your question is to come out as lesbian or bi, then that's something you really can't be told. Its something you have to decide for yourself. If you are more interested in women than men (or vice versa) there is kind of a gray area where its hard to fit yourself into one of these labels. Of course, in my opinion, the important thing is not to take on a label and let it influence you. Words are meant to be tools, but really they can be prisons. The population as a whole really only has concepts of gay/bi/straight, but there is a lot of middle ground, and unfortunately society tends to believe that anything that doesn't have a word for it doesn't exist.

My suggestion is to come out as whatever feels more comfortable to you. More importantly, whatever you decide, stay true to you. Best of luck =)

[AvatarLily]

You don't really have to label yourself as anything. You can just come out as someone who likes girls and sometimes boys.

[Ianthe]

If you've been certain for a long time that you are a lesbian, and you started thinking maybe you were bi right at the same time that you were thinking about coming out, it's possible that it isn't just a coincidence. Sometimes, when we get close to coming out, our fears about it cause us to retreat into a questioning mode. If we have fears about it, uncertainty makes a very good excuse not to come out.

It's like, when you seriously start thinking about coming out, an unconscious part of yourself goes into overdrive searching for reasons why maybe you aren't really a lesbian.

This isn't necessarily the case for you, but that would be my guess based on your post.

It could just mean that you aren't quite ready to come out yet, which is fine.

[Holmes]

The first time I came out, I didn't use either word, gay or bi. I simply told a friend, "I have a crush on [boy's name]". If there's not someone in real life, you could make very clear comments about high profile women being attractive. That's kind of how my sister started to come out to her friends, made comments about female actors. You could say something quite clear like "I think Natalie Portman is really my type" (or whoever, don't ask me about attractive women).

[silverhalo]

Hey as the others have said its a tough call, but if you find it hard to label, you could just say not straight and leave it at that for the moment. Also dont stress to much if you come out as a lesbian and you fall for a guy then go for it, and if you come out as bi and then only date girls that fine too.

[Holmes]

Originally Posted by silverhalo

if you come out as bi and then only date girls that fine too.

That too. A friend of mine says she's bi, but has dated only women since coming to college in 2006, and has shown no interest in men. The important thing is that somehow, however you phrase it, you become more comfortable letting others know you like girls.