Venting.

[climbingivy]

I feel like I'm going to explode. I just tried to go and see a showcase for prospective Saturday Night Live performers (sort of an annual audition that a theater near me holds) and I couldn't get in because it was packed. It got me really mad at myself because I can't seem to get myself together enough even to do the things that I really want to. I procrastinated leaving the house for no good reason and then when I got there it was sold out. I've wanted to be on SNL since I was a kid and try to go and see this thing every year so I can figure out what works. Then it got me all tied up inside because I started thinking about how there have never been any out gay people on SNL (to my knowledge) much less trans people. I don't know if I'm trans, more likely somewhere in between. But it scares me because almost all of my characters are female, so what if I had to transition and lost all those characters I've developed over the years? I know I could make more, but I prefer playing women (I'm physically female). And I got in an argument with my boyfriend because he busted my bubble thinking that I'm anywhere near getting in a showcase like that because I'm so lazy. I know that I don't do enough work (writing sketches and stuff) and it kills me. I try not to be lazy, but it's hard. I was on stimulant medication for seven years for ADD and now that I'm off it I can't seem to do anything. But when I'm on it I become emotionally dead and a horrible performer. Does anyone else have ADD? How do you deal with lack of motivation? Is anyone else a performer?

---------- Post added 19th Jan 2012 at 08:44 PM ----------

I don't know if this is even remotely the right m=place to post this. I just feel alone and don't know who else to talk to.

[Ianthe]

I have ADD. It's not a motivation problem, it's an attention problem--you can't focus on what you need to get done.

When I don't take my medicine, it's very unsafe if, for example, I drive a car--I run red lights and things like that.

If stopping the medication has caused you to be very symptomatic and to be unable to accomplish your goals, why did you stop taking it? If there was a problem with the medicine you were on before, you could probably try a different one.

Also, the first openly gay cast member of Saturday Night Live was Terry Sweeney.

[climbingivy]

Originally Posted by Ianthe

Also, the first openly gay cast member of Saturday Night Live was Terry Sweeney.

Thanks This made me feel better.

The reason I stopped my medication is because I wasn't really being monitored by a doctor (prescribed by my general practitioner) and I was abusing it. It's probably not a good idea for me to be on stimulants since I think I have an addictive personality. I'm seeing a psychologist now, but I need to switch because I don't feel like I'm getting much out of my sessions. My ADD manifests as not being able to discern the importance of things. Everything is equally important so nothing gets done. It's sort of like a mental overload at all times that leads to inaction.