coming out to mum... - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

littleoldme · 19th Jan 2012, 08:06 PM

ok so i have decided its time to come out to my mum ive been with my girlfriend 5 months we have just meet (long distance relationship) and i feel its time to tell mum about things

i was just wondering a few things

1st do you think i should tell her im not straight 1st and give her time to get used to that 1st before i tell her i have a gf

2nd im pan-sexual how can i explain simply what this is to her or should i just tell her im bi?

any advice appreciated thanks

Ianthe · 20th Jan 2012, 02:17 AM

Come out to her first, and then wait a little to tell her about your girlfriend unless she asks. That way, she's less likely to think your girlfriend "turned you gay."

Start by coming out as bisexual, and later on you can explain pansexuality as a type of bisexuality.

silverhalo · 20th Jan 2012, 03:18 AM

I agree with Ianthe, unless you are confident your Mother will be supportive.
Good luck im sure you will be fine.

littleoldme · 20th Jan 2012, 04:48 AM

Thanks guys
Also do you think a letter is an ok way to9 come out to her or should i tell her out loud?

**Lexington** · 20th Jan 2012, 07:32 AM

A letter is totally fine, although I'd suggest handing it to her in person and remaining within proximity in case she wants to talk to you, or has any questions. A letter lets you spell everything out, makes sure you can say everything you want to, and gives you the opportunity to make it sound right.

Lex

Chouchou · 20th Jan 2012, 11:53 AM

In terms of a letter, write a letter first, as a kind of "invitation" to a conversation. She will no doubt wish to talk to you heart-to-heart after reading your letter. Like Lex said, it's better if you hand it to her in person, owing to the importance of the subject, than if you send it via snail mail.

Then, if she asks what pansexuality is, you can possibly frame it in terms of being in love with the person--character, personality, interests--rather than the gender.

littleoldme · 23rd Jan 2012, 01:04 AM

any suggestions on how to write the letter should i just me straight to the point... or i have no idea

19th Jan 2012, 08:06 PM	#1
littleoldme Member Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Pansexual Out Status: Out to everyone Age: 18 Posts: 70 Join Date: Jul 2011	coming out to mum... ok so i have decided its time to come out to my mum ive been with my girlfriend 5 months we have just meet (long distance relationship) and i feel its time to tell mum about things i was just wondering a few things 1st do you think i should tell her im not straight 1st and give her time to get used to that 1st before i tell her i have a gf 2nd im pan-sexual how can i explain simply what this is to her or should i just tell her im bi? any advice appreciated thanks

20th Jan 2012, 02:17 AM	#2
Ianthe EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female/Femme Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Oregon Age: 32 Posts: 1,085 Join Date: Feb 2011	Re: coming out to mum... Come out to her first, and then wait a little to tell her about your girlfriend unless she asks. That way, she's less likely to think your girlfriend "turned you gay." Start by coming out as bisexual, and later on you can explain pansexuality as a type of bisexuality.

20th Jan 2012, 03:18 AM	#3
silverhalo EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Quite a few Location: England, Age: 29 Posts: 3,166 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: coming out to mum... I agree with Ianthe, unless you are confident your Mother will be supportive. Good luck im sure you will be fine.

20th Jan 2012, 04:48 AM	#4
littleoldme Member Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Pansexual Out Status: Out to everyone Age: 18 Posts: 70 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: coming out to mum... Thanks guys Also do you think a letter is an ok way to9 come out to her or should i tell her out loud?

20th Jan 2012, 07:32 AM	#5
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,372 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: coming out to mum... A letter is totally fine, although I'd suggest handing it to her in person and remaining within proximity in case she wants to talk to you, or has any questions. A letter lets you spell everything out, makes sure you can say everything you want to, and gives you the opportunity to make it sound right. Lex

20th Jan 2012, 11:53 AM	#6
Chouchou Warrior Goddess Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Homosexual (asexual?) and mostly homoromantic Out Status: To some friends, but not to family Location: Wisconsin, USA Age: 26 Posts: 1,109 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: coming out to mum... In terms of a letter, write a letter first, as a kind of "invitation" to a conversation. She will no doubt wish to talk to you heart-to-heart after reading your letter. Like Lex said, it's better if you hand it to her in person, owing to the importance of the subject, than if you send it via snail mail. Then, if she asks what pansexuality is, you can possibly frame it in terms of being in love with the person--character, personality, interests--rather than the gender. __________________ "The good neighbor looks beyond the external accidents and discerns those inner qualities that make all men human and, therefore, brothers." -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

23rd Jan 2012, 01:04 AM	#7
littleoldme Member Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Pansexual Out Status: Out to everyone Age: 18 Posts: 70 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: coming out to mum... any suggestions on how to write the letter should i just me straight to the point... or i have no idea

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