one problem solved, another risen.

[adorablyorange]

to sum up the part few months for me:
i came out (to everyone) and wasnt received very well at my jewish school.
thankfully, things at school have calmed down quite a bit.
its actually been a great learning experience, as i now know who my real friends are.
but, as things tend to go for me, one problem solved, another risen.
im in love with my best friend.
as i said earlier, i go to a jewish school to which gay people are somewhat foreign. i came out to my closest friend at school pretty early on in the year, and she was totally indifferent to it. after that conversation we never talked about it again.
since then, ive developed feelings for her.
strong feelings.
though she seems not to care about my sexuality, im beginning to think that maybe her apparent indifference is really uncomfort.
her family is religious and im not at all sure how they feel about homosexuality.
though, as i said, my friend and i dont talk about it, i suspect that she might be curious herself.
that being said, a relationship is totally out of the question, even in my dreams, considering the total alienation that ive had to deal with for the past few weeks and my history with romantic extensions of relationships with friends.
my greatest concern is how to act.
ive sort of forgotten what normal is.
though i dont get flustered around her, i am overly generous and i worry that anyone paying attention would be about to figure it out and potentially ruin our friendship.
im sure that you all have been through crushes on friends and i was wondering how you dealt with it.

[Sunsetting]

wow, again, at the age of 15, you express yourself so brilliantly.
i appreciate that you feel like your generosity might be crossing the line a little
so it's time to pull back a bit in that area
i always take a step back when i'm starting to fall for friends, some days it's no problem to be close, other days, i know that it's this 'yearning' feeling to be near them, so i have to exercise stepping away a little to preserve the friendship. i've only heard of disaster stories of people ending up with friends, so try to be mindful of your generosity and 'yearning' times and step away a bit and you'll likely be ok