Ashamed of being Bi.

[unknown12]

Is this common? Any ideas on how to combat it?

[WeirdnessMagnet]

Why are you ashamed?

[unknown12]

Im ashamed that I like guy's sexually. Like I can't make out with a guy without being disgusted in myself. It feels like i'm doing something wrong and that the world will look down on me. It's such a awful feeling.

well teh world may look down on you. not all but some will. but they are making out with girls. what's the difference. just a difference body part. you have to love yourself. lets say that you were straight and not bi, if the world thought you were a loser because you were straight, woudl that make you want to date guys?

[mAOz]

Don't be ashamed, It's who you are and how you feel. If the world looks down on you for being you then so be it.

[biAnnika]

It seems to be sadly all too common for people who have a same-sex attraction to have some level of shame over that...not universal by any means, but not uncommon.

For my own part, though, I see no reason to view same-sex attraction as shameful or wrong. Same-sex attraction is found in many many species...so it can't be unnatural. And I don't have respect for the systems of right/wrong that declare that some form of love is wrong. Forms of hate, sure...forms of violence, definitely...even forms of fear...but LOVE?? Come on...who are these people??

Can you see Jesus Christ saying, "come on, let's kick the shit out of that fag!" ?? *cough* I don't think so...I don't think he was part of any mechanism that decided same-sex attraction is "wrong".

Seems to me it would take a particularly bitter and unhappy group of people to decide that some kind of love is wrong...to decide that the partnership I've had for the past 25 years with a woman I love so much isn't worth as much as a marriage (yea between one man and one woman) that ends in divorce after 5 years of misery.

But enough of that soapbox. My main point for you is that your shame isn't about being bisexual...it's about being attracted to males...and I imagine quite a few gay men here (again far from all, but quite a few) might identify with you. Similarly, some women would feel the same way about being attracted to women. I just think that if you feel the shame that *others* would put on you for being who you are, you are giving those others more power over you than you need to give them.

[toremi]

I am still kind of in this position too.

I am more confused than ashamed because I am split somewhere down the middle and I don't know where I belong.

I have sexual attraction to both men and women; primarily men at the moment. But I can only have emotional attraction to women -- kissing men does nothing for me, I feel nothing except -- well an urge to have some fun and be done with it.

I think it's a complicated place to be stuck in the middle.

[stuwee]

Some folks (me at the moment) are jealous of bisexuals, I sometimes feel there's something wrong with me for not being able to be attracted to the other sex, makes me feel a bit inferior sometimes. embrace yourself, you're on a magnificient journey, stop at the scenic overlook at the side of the road, take a picture with the other tourists. Know that the pictures don't mean the same to all who take them when viewed later.

[unknown12]

Thanks for all the advice everyone.

I just don't know how I can see the positive in being mocked for who I am everyday.
Any techniques on how to deal with it?

[Beachboi92]

well for starters you don't have a problem, and you are not disgusting or weird, or gross. You are perfectly normal and there are a ridiculous amount of people who feel the same way about both males and females. My first word of advice to you is don't let how other people view you dictate you living a happy and fulfilling life. People are going to judge you no matter what wether it is over your cloths, your hair, your choice in girlfriend (or boyfriend), so you might as well live life to your fullest and not let those assholes stop you. Besides for every hater there are tons of people who really don't care if you like boys and even more who are totally supportive of that. In fact a massive community sits at your very finger tips and contains a bunch of those people who love and accept you for who you are. My recommendation for dealing with the haters is,

1- Work on realizing there is nothing wrong with you, self acceptance is the first and biggest step.
2- Come out and start to form a sense of community and a support network. The LGBT community is an amazing network of resources, support, and really a family that always has your back when you are tapped into it.
3- realize you are never going to please everyone, that you can't live your life around how other's view you, and that you deserve to be happy and fully self expressed.
4- Kiss a boy and just focus on all the awesome that comes with that :P

[Gravity]

Originally Posted by unknown12

I just don't know how I can see the positive in being mocked for who I am everyday.
Any techniques on how to deal with it?

Naturally, there is no positive in being mocked every day. It's a degrading experience and it never gets familiar or comfortable.

The positive, I think, comes in what you do with it. Find your victories, however small, and celebrate them. Heck, there was a time when the stress of this led to me feeling proud of myself for not busting a window out when my computer crashed. And no, I'm not exaggerating. You don't have to be "out and proud" to be very, very brave.

[adam88]

Where are you living now? In Toronto, I've kissed my boyfriend in public before, even in front of other friends. No mocking.

[Hot Pink]

I know it may seem weird, but I've known I was trans my whole life, so I never thought of myself as male. Not once. So when I entered puberty and realized I liked girls, I was just as ashamed. I mean, being trans was hard enough, but I had to be gay too? I tried my best to like guys. I had a few boyfriends, did a few things with them, but nothing helped. Eventually, I just came to accept that I was a lesbian. Things got better from there.

It seems to me that you're not at that last step yet. You know you're bisexual, but you haven't accepted it yet. How do you accept something about yourself? A lot of introspection and thinking. There really isn't any other way.

[WeirdnessMagnet]

Originally Posted by unknown12

Thanks for all the advice everyone.

I just don't know how I can see the positive in being mocked for who I am everyday.
Any techniques on how to deal with it?

Well, shame is a thing you do to yourself when you imagine what a "generic upstanding member of respectable society" should think of you and your actions. That mocking hurts so bad because you yourself think you deserve it. And, overturning it requires, obviously, redefinition of who is in your image of "respectable society" in such a way that it will include acceptance of your bisexuality but keeps other qualities you like about that society.

So, the first step is rather obvious, if not exactly simple, - get to know some people whom you respect and like, and who don't mock you in return. Some minds can be changed and some hearts can be won in your old social/cultural surroundings, but not if you're alone, not if you feel alone, if you don't claim queer culture as your own. I'm not talking about big-time activism. I'm talking about normal stuff of life: go out, chat, talk on forums, read, write, watch, whatever floats your boat, but, for a while, put a non-heteronormative filter on all this. Seek out non-straight experiences.

I would've never so much as admitted I might be bi without both meeting and learning about many other LGBT people I respect immensely, for their intellect, creativity, honesty, loyalty and simply being cool. If the most awesome woman I ever met wasn't out and proud bi, if some most insightful essays I ever read weren't by Susie Bright, if a message board where I mostly post wasn't about as queer as a football bat by now, I simply wouldn't ever be able to ever realize my true sexuality and be comfortable with it to the levels I'm now. It would've been always quiet half-fantasy just before you cry yourself to sleep for no apparent reason.

[Fionnuala]

The best thing you can try and do is realise you are bi and that's the way you are. There an an uncountable number of other people who are bisexual and it's totally fine!

[Gleeko0]

Originally Posted by WeirdnessMagnet

Well, shame is a thing you do to yourself when you imagine what a "generic upstanding member of respectable society" should think of you and your actions. That mocking hurts so bad because you yourself think you deserve it. And, overturning it requires, obviously, redefinition of who is in your image of "respectable society" in such a way that it will include acceptance of your bisexuality but keeps other qualities you like about that society.

So, the first step is rather obvious, if not exactly simple, - get to know some people whom you respect and like, and who don't mock you in return. Some minds can be changed and some hearts can be won in your old social/cultural surroundings, but not if you're alone, not if you feel alone, if you don't claim queer culture as your own. I'm not talking about big-time activism. I'm talking about normal stuff of life: go out, chat, talk on forums, read, write, watch, whatever floats your boat, but, for a while, put a non-heteronormative filter on all this. Seek out non-straight experiences.

I would've never so much as admitted I might be bi without both meeting and learning about many other LGBT people I respect immensely, for their intellect, creativity, honesty, loyalty and simply being cool. If the most awesome woman I ever met wasn't out and proud bi, if some most insightful essays I ever read weren't by Susie Bright, if a message board where I mostly post wasn't about as queer as a football bat by now, I simply wouldn't ever be able to ever realize my true sexuality and be comfortable with it to the levels I'm now. It would've been always quiet half-fantasy just before you cry yourself to sleep for no apparent reason.

This is so beautiful.

[unknown12]

Originally Posted by WeirdnessMagnet

Well, shame is a thing you do to yourself when you imagine what a "generic upstanding member of respectable society" should think of you and your actions. That mocking hurts so bad because you yourself think you deserve it. And, overturning it requires, obviously, redefinition of who is in your image of "respectable society" in such a way that it will include acceptance of your bisexuality but keeps other qualities you like about that society.

So, the first step is rather obvious, if not exactly simple, - get to know some people whom you respect and like, and who don't mock you in return. Some minds can be changed and some hearts can be won in your old social/cultural surroundings, but not if you're alone, not if you feel alone, if you don't claim queer culture as your own. I'm not talking about big-time activism. I'm talking about normal stuff of life: go out, chat, talk on forums, read, write, watch, whatever floats your boat, but, for a while, put a non-heteronormative filter on all this. Seek out non-straight experiences.

I would've never so much as admitted I might be bi without both meeting and learning about many other LGBT people I respect immensely, for their intellect, creativity, honesty, loyalty and simply being cool. If the most awesome woman I ever met wasn't out and proud bi, if some most insightful essays I ever read weren't by Susie Bright, if a message board where I mostly post wasn't about as queer as a football bat by now, I simply wouldn't ever be able to ever realize my true sexuality and be comfortable with it to the levels I'm now. It would've been always quiet half-fantasy just before you cry yourself to sleep for no apparent reason.

Thankyou so much for that response. That's what my boyfriend tells me too. Iv'e accepted it like 90%, but the old ultra conservative side of me is still fighting it.

[IanGallagher]

I've never really done anything with a guy - yet - but it's never really come up. And the one time it did, I blew it. BUT I can say any time I see a hot guy or the days where my ebb and flow leans towards dudes - I just say "hey, James Dean/Marlon Brando/Alexander the Great/Achilles/etc. would have thought the exact same thing, he was hot - it's absolutely normal." I don't know, it just helps. Self reinforcement to block the shame. I would have had a really amazing bf right now if shame hadn't of got in the way.