Help. - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Dominic · 20th Jan 2012, 03:49 PM

Hi. My name is Dominic and let me share a little bit of my story. I am 14 years old and a freshman in high school. I've known for a while that I've had stronger feelings for guys than girls. I've known this for about 2 years know. This past August I started my freshman year at an all-boys catholic high school. I've had crushes on a few guys in the past couple months, but this is not my problem. Lots of people I know like to use the word "gay" as an insult towards others and that makes me want to go farther back in the closet that I can't seem to come out of. And today, while working on a group project in my English class, one person in my group posted on a google docs page that we were working on "Dominic likes men." I tried to laugh it off with the rest of my group, but in a way it kind of hurt. It's hard enough trying to accept myself, and these comments and insults make it harder. I have already started to accept who I am, and I want to come out to some people, but I can not gain enough courage to tell anyone, not even the school guidance counselor. I feel that it is hard enough to be a freshman in high school with all the upperclassmen making fun of the freshmen, along with being in band, and stressing out over homework and projects, I feel like I am dying on the inside while trying to be happy and upbeat on the outside. I feel like there is really nowhere I can turn. Any help or advice will really help.

Gravity Defyer · 20th Jan 2012, 04:04 PM

Just stay strong. Writing "Dominic likes men" is so... childish. Don't let them see you feel unconfortable, because if they see you feeling down they'll know it works and continue to do so. If you're bullied you should talk to a counselor anyway.

Is there someone you can talk about this IRL?

mAOz · 20th Jan 2012, 04:09 PM

Things will get better! I'm 14 aswell and if you need to talk just post on my wall

Ianthe · 20th Jan 2012, 06:38 PM

Hi, Dominic! Welcome to Empty Closets!

Telling one person would really help you a lot, I think. You mention the school guidance councilor. If you can't do it in person, maybe you could write something? You could even just print out this thread, and take it in to talk about.

But I'm not completely sure if the school counselor will necessarily be the best person to talk to, because your school is religiously affiliated. I'm not sure what their policy is.

Is there anyone in your life that you know is supportive of gay people?

Dominic · 21st Jan 2012, 01:09 PM

Thanks for the replies. I feel like I should really talk to someone about this. Posting this on EC made me feel a little more relaxed because I was finally able to get some of this off my chest.

Ianthe · 21st Jan 2012, 04:41 PM

Do you have any ideas about who you want to talk to?

FruityFascism · 22nd Jan 2012, 02:34 AM

Not sure if this is the best advice [it isn't], but it's what I did. I was bullied a lot when a kid. It stemmed from the fact that people knew I was gay before I did. At fourteen, I came out. Slowly but surely more people knew.

It's a lot harder for people to hurt you if you if you don't let them. It's even better when you can respond to "Dominic likes men." with a casual 'your point...?'

My advice may not be particularly useful, but the more you accept yourself, the less those crude comments will kill you inside. Talk to someone that you can trust about it. Telling someone will feel like an anvil being taken off your chest.

anonomous teen · 22nd Jan 2012, 06:12 AM

Hi Dominic,
Having just finished highschool, i can relate to how hard it is being in the closet and wanting to tell someone how u are feeling. Thehard part about school is that everyone knows everyone and rumors or secrets catch on like wildfire.

I was pree confused with what and how i was feeling so i had this phase where i wrote everything down and kinda made a song/poem out of it. Even now, posting on EC has helped me soo much and ive had some really good chats with the Admins of EC and really thankfull i did.

I strongly recommend that u keep posting ur thoughtss and even send an Admin a private message. You think u feel relieved now, that feeling will grow with every post u make

I know it has for me.

**Chip** · 22nd Jan 2012, 01:21 PM

Hi, Dominic.

People can be incredibly cruel at your age, and you've stated very clearly *why* it's so hard to come out and deal with all that is going on in high school. You've gotten some great advice so far and I hope you'll stick around EC, because I think you'll find it a helpful and supportive community.

Also, as Anonymous Teen said, you're more than welcomed to contact me or any of the other Advisor team to talk about what's going on for you... that's what we're here for. You can PM any of us, or if it's more comfortable for you, you can just continue to post here in the forums.

Dominic · 22nd Jan 2012, 05:47 PM

Here's a little update, well it's kinda big. I just came out to one of my best girl friends. And she said it was o.k. and that our friendship doesn't change at all. Man i am so relieved.

anonomous teen · 23rd Jan 2012, 03:45 AM

Thats awesome Dominic, good for you.

FruityFascism · 23rd Jan 2012, 04:20 AM

That is great. I'm so glad you told someone. :]

20th Jan 2012, 03:49 PM	#1
Dominic Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: 4 people! Age: 14 Posts: 75 Join Date: Jan 2012	Help. Hi. My name is Dominic and let me share a little bit of my story. I am 14 years old and a freshman in high school. I've known for a while that I've had stronger feelings for guys than girls. I've known this for about 2 years know. This past August I started my freshman year at an all-boys catholic high school. I've had crushes on a few guys in the past couple months, but this is not my problem. Lots of people I know like to use the word "gay" as an insult towards others and that makes me want to go farther back in the closet that I can't seem to come out of. And today, while working on a group project in my English class, one person in my group posted on a google docs page that we were working on "Dominic likes men." I tried to laugh it off with the rest of my group, but in a way it kind of hurt. It's hard enough trying to accept myself, and these comments and insults make it harder. I have already started to accept who I am, and I want to come out to some people, but I can not gain enough courage to tell anyone, not even the school guidance counselor. I feel that it is hard enough to be a freshman in high school with all the upperclassmen making fun of the freshmen, along with being in band, and stressing out over homework and projects, I feel like I am dying on the inside while trying to be happy and upbeat on the outside. I feel like there is really nowhere I can turn. Any help or advice will really help.

20th Jan 2012, 04:04 PM	#2
Gravity Defyer Wicked Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people. I realized number doesn't matter Posts: 45 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: Help. Just stay strong. Writing "Dominic likes men" is so... childish. Don't let them see you feel unconfortable, because if they see you feeling down they'll know it works and continue to do so. If you're bullied you should talk to a counselor anyway. Is there someone you can talk about this IRL? __________________ I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game

20th Jan 2012, 04:09 PM	#3
mAOz Your friendly neighbourhood Bi! Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: A few people Age: 14 Posts: 103 Join Date: Dec 2011	Re: Help. Things will get better! I'm 14 aswell and if you need to talk just post on my wall __________________ The Force. It surrounds us. It enfolds us. It gets us dates on Saturday Nights. - Obi Wan Kenobi, Famous Jedi Knight and Party Animal

20th Jan 2012, 06:38 PM	#4
Ianthe EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female/Femme Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Oregon Age: 32 Posts: 1,085 Join Date: Feb 2011	Re: Help. Hi, Dominic! Welcome to Empty Closets! Telling one person would really help you a lot, I think. You mention the school guidance councilor. If you can't do it in person, maybe you could write something? You could even just print out this thread, and take it in to talk about. But I'm not completely sure if the school counselor will necessarily be the best person to talk to, because your school is religiously affiliated. I'm not sure what their policy is. Is there anyone in your life that you know is supportive of gay people?

21st Jan 2012, 01:09 PM	#5
Dominic Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: 4 people! Age: 14 Posts: 75 Join Date: Jan 2012	Re: Help. Thanks for the replies. I feel like I should really talk to someone about this. Posting this on EC made me feel a little more relaxed because I was finally able to get some of this off my chest.

21st Jan 2012, 04:41 PM	#6
Ianthe EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female/Femme Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Oregon Age: 32 Posts: 1,085 Join Date: Feb 2011	Re: Help. Do you have any ideas about who you want to talk to?

22nd Jan 2012, 02:34 AM	#7
FruityFascism Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Androphilic Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Las Vegas Age: 18 Posts: 90 Join Date: Aug 2011	Re: Help. Not sure if this is the best advice [it isn't], but it's what I did. I was bullied a lot when a kid. It stemmed from the fact that people knew I was gay before I did. At fourteen, I came out. Slowly but surely more people knew. It's a lot harder for people to hurt you if you if you don't let them. It's even better when you can respond to "Dominic likes men." with a casual 'your point...?' My advice may not be particularly useful, but the more you accept yourself, the less those crude comments will kill you inside. Talk to someone that you can trust about it. Telling someone will feel like an anvil being taken off your chest.

22nd Jan 2012, 06:12 AM	#8
anonomous teen Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Newly self-discovered gay Out Status: Not out at all Location: Australia Age: 18 Posts: 53 Join Date: Jan 2012	Re: Help. Hi Dominic, Having just finished highschool, i can relate to how hard it is being in the closet and wanting to tell someone how u are feeling. Thehard part about school is that everyone knows everyone and rumors or secrets catch on like wildfire. I was pree confused with what and how i was feeling so i had this phase where i wrote everything down and kinda made a song/poem out of it. Even now, posting on EC has helped me soo much and ive had some really good chats with the Admins of EC and really thankfull i did. I strongly recommend that u keep posting ur thoughtss and even send an Admin a private message. You think u feel relieved now, that feeling will grow with every post u make I know it has for me.

22nd Jan 2012, 01:21 PM	#9
Chip EC Advisor EC Admin Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: northern CA Posts: 5,583 Join Date: May 2008	Re: Help. Hi, Dominic. People can be incredibly cruel at your age, and you've stated very clearly why it's so hard to come out and deal with all that is going on in high school. You've gotten some great advice so far and I hope you'll stick around EC, because I think you'll find it a helpful and supportive community. Also, as Anonymous Teen said, you're more than welcomed to contact me or any of the other Advisor team to talk about what's going on for you... that's what we're here for. You can PM any of us, or if it's more comfortable for you, you can just continue to post here in the forums.

22nd Jan 2012, 05:47 PM	#10
Dominic Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: 4 people! Age: 14 Posts: 75 Join Date: Jan 2012	Re: Help. Here's a little update, well it's kinda big. I just came out to one of my best girl friends. And she said it was o.k. and that our friendship doesn't change at all. Man i am so relieved.

23rd Jan 2012, 03:45 AM	#11
anonomous teen Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Newly self-discovered gay Out Status: Not out at all Location: Australia Age: 18 Posts: 53 Join Date: Jan 2012	Re: Help. Thats awesome Dominic, good for you.

23rd Jan 2012, 04:20 AM	#12
FruityFascism Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Androphilic Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Las Vegas Age: 18 Posts: 90 Join Date: Aug 2011	Re: Help. That is great. I'm so glad you told someone. :]