Should i tell a friend?

[anonomous teen]

So i wanna tell my close mate that i think im gay. I kno he would be supportive and keep it o himself, thats not the problem. The problem is that we are really close (secretly crushing on him) and i would hate to ruin what we have. I almost 100% that he would never experiment with a guy mainly because thats weird and its not what people do, by his deffinitaion. Help?

[Jonathan]

If you know that he'll be supportive and will be able to keep your secret, I say go for it. I don't think telling him will hurt your friendship, if anything it will make it stronger. From what you said, he seems like a very understanding friend and not someone who would define a person by their sexuality. On the other hand, I think you should definitely keep your crush about him to yourself. Telling him that might make things awkward.

[mAOz]

I think you should tell him, it's always good to have someone who you trust to talk to, He seems very understanding so go for it!

[Tracker57]

Ditto. I came out to a very close straight friend this week. It was one of the best things I have ever done. But with younger guys, at least prepare yourself for some acceptance and that he may pull away a bit being uncomfortable at first. Good luck. It's hard, but it's part of living honestly.

[Indiana Juno]

I've had this fear with a few friends. Will our relationship change? Will they view me differently? We have a very physical friendship (I.e rough-housing, punching, wrestling). Will he view those things differently? I've had 2 male best friends where this was the case. I didn't want to ruin things. I guess I had a bit of a crush on both of them. Here's my advice:

With the first guy, I was nervous about his reaction. Id heard him make disparaging remarks about gays before and truth be told, I wasn't fully sure he was trustworthy. Deep down you can ALWAYS know when to trust someone. No big surprise that within 24 hours he'd told 3 other people. Go with your gut, do you trust this guy? Like REALLY trust him? Because I was nervous or scared to talk about it openly, he smelled fear and that changed the dynamic of the relationship. In a lot of ways it made me his "bitch" because he would crack jokes (which he insisted were harmless bro jokes) and I was too nervous to come back with a response. I suppose I was expecting too much from a high school boy. Our relationship never really went back to what it was. And especially after I told him I liked him.

The second friend who I now consider my best friend was a completely different story. I slipped it into the conversation, non-chalantly. "I thought you knew" was how I left it. That left no doubt in his mind that my friendship with him was purely just a friendship. It didn't look like I had designs on him romantically, either. The horsing around and the punching was always just that. It left him with the impression that, even though he knew I was gay, things were the same as they always were.

Another piece of advice - don't ever tell a straight guy that you're crushing on him. Not only can that change the dynamic of the relationship - it puts him in a position of power over you and the wrong guy might take advantage of that. Picture if you were really good friends with a girl and she confessed feelings for you. Whenever you spend time with that girl now, it'll be on your mind - is she just trying to get with me? You don't want to put that kind of thought into his mind either.

If he happens to be gay as well then you'll find out in good time. If he's not, leave it be. I'm just telling you this because it took me 5 years between that first and second best friend to learn these lessons. I wish I'd had someone to give me this advice 5 years ago.

In short, if you come out to him, do so in a way that you give off confidence. It sounds hard but it actually makes it easier. If you think it'll be nerve wracking to have the "I have to tell you something" conversation - think how long that convo will take and how nervous you'll be throughout. If you say it casually, he will take it casually. Don't tell him about your crush because crushes do pass in time (even if it feels like they won't). If this kid is a good friend to you, his friendship will last even longer than any crush and the satisfaction you get will be 10x the reward of admitting you like him. I would give you this advice if he turns out to be gay as well. Don't tell him your crushing on him. Let it happen naturally.

[Lexington]

>>>I almost 100% that he would never experiment with a guy mainly because thats weird and its not what people do, by his deffinitaion

You might want to get this completely to 100% first. It's not a good idea to come out to a straight guy with the (slight) hopes that he might want to fool around with you. Make sure you just consider him a good friend, and come out to him in that regard - "You're a good friend, and I know I can trust you with this bit of information."

Lex

[FruityFascism]

I worried for months about telling my close guy friends. After finally admitting it to them, they said 'about time,' and we continued our day as normal. I honestly was hoping for a bigger reaction. lol

Oh, and if you do have feelings for this guy, keep them to yourself. Especially if you are sure he is straight. Unrequited love is horrid. Move him out of the 'more-than-friend' zone as soon as possible.

[anonomous teen]

Thanks everyone, ill think about it over the next few days. The onlyproblem is, is that if i do tell him, he may notice how i look at him. Im normally quite subtly about the whole perv but he may start paying more attention once i tell him and realise i hve a mega crush :/

[Mister Gaga]

So I suggest you don't tell him until you see him as a good friend only, not a crush

[silverhalo]

I think you should come out to him, but not tell him you are crushing on him.

[justinf]

I think you should definitely tell him you're gay. If he's the friend you think he is, he'll accept you no matter what. If he treats you differently because of it, then obviously he's not the kind of friend you want.

But:

On the other hand, I think you should definitely keep your crush about him to yourself. Telling him that might make things awkward.

I completely agree with this. Being that straight guy myself, I can tell it doesn't make things better.

The onlyproblem is, is that if i do tell him, he may notice how i look at him. Im normally quite subtly about the whole perv but he may start paying more attention once i tell him and realise i hve a mega crush :/

I don't think it works that way. Guys are idiots, they don't see that kinda stuff. (again, speaking from experience here)

Good luck

- Justin

I am looking at this from another angle. Is one of the reasons of coming out to him for support or do you hope that something might happen between the two of you? Because if you are mainly motivated by the latter of the reasons, i would suggest not coming out.

[anonomous teen]

Skiel, i think the latter may be the main reason. From that, i spose it would be better that i ddnt come out to him untill he just becomes that friend, and not that crush. Thanks everyone Keep posting with ur thoughts, I love hearing the opinons of others

[onemigs]

When I was 24, I told a close friend/crush that there's something I've been wanting to tell him since. I told him first that I hope he won't be judgemental, he reciprocated my request by saying "Yes, don't worry". I just then blurted out "I have a boyfriend, I am Gay" He just placed his arms on my shoulder and said "Its okay, somehow I already knew". That night I came out to the whole gang. Before I went to sleep, I received an sms message from him "We Love You JM! Nothings gonna change!"

But things did change.. and we just need to accept things we don't have control of. Good luck!

[BicuriousBoy]

Honestly I just say go for it. I've already come out to both of my best guy friends. My best friend Alex is basically the kind of person who just doesn't care about anything, he pisses me off, so i don't go to him for much. My other friend Matt is honestly one of the most supportive straight guys I've met. I mean I can talk about crushes I have on guys with him just as easily as he can admit problems he's having with his girlfriend. We keep each others secrets. And also don't think too much into prejudices or preconcieved notions about people, Matt's a Catholic, which many people say are homophobic, trust me, he's not. So just go with your gut man, and if he's truly your friend then he'll accept it.

[anonomous teen]

So u guys rekon that if i admit my sexuality to this friend, he wont pick up on the fact i have a crush on him? And that he will still feel comfortable to hang around me?

[BicuriousBoy]

Of course he wouldn't pick up on the fact. Unless he thinks that every gay guy is attracted to every guy he sees then he won't think that. And if you just keep things comfortable when you tell him then everything should be ok between you two.

[anonomous teen]

I think ill just wait to tell him, if/when i find myself in a relatioship later down the track. Afterall, im starting my first year at uni living in a co-ed college. Funtimes ahead