Am I in trouble...? O-o

[Noir]

I'm not used to talking about these kinds of things, but it's just been eating at me so much I don't know what to do...I feel trapped between a rock and a hard place. Thank you in advance if you take the time to read this.

I've been worrying about it just lately, but it really struck home this week without me even realizing it--am I in the middle of an "experiment" with my best friend without even knowing it? It used to bother her when we were younger, but now it's becoming more and more obvious that people think we're a lesbian couple and she doesn't do anything to correct them. She has a boyfriend now, but she's been struggling with herself trying to figure out if she's bi-curious or not and she knows that I'm a lesbian. At school she's been initiating hand holding and sometimes she puts her arm around my waist or shoulders. At club last time she had me sit on her lap the entire time instead of a stool. When she comes over to my house we spend the majority of the time on my bed laying down and holding each other with our faces a few inches away. Last time we were even caressing each other's backs underneath our shirts...she also told me that she doesn't do anything like that with anyone else, even her past boyfriends, and when I touch her it feels better than when her current boyfriend does. More and more, it her "dates" sound like simply hanging out playing video games or something, and her "boyfriend" sounds like a friend she has a lot in common with.

Comments or advice...?

[Lexington]

I guess that depends on what you want.

If you'd rather know than not know, then ask. Next time you're lying on the bed together, and you're holding each other, gently ask. You'll have to choose the wording that you think will work best. "It's almost like you're my girlfriend now." "Everyone seems to think we're girlfriends now...so are we?" Do it lightly, with a smile. But know there's a chance she'll pull away. Not much of one, probably, but still there.

If you'd rather it just continue, then let it continue. In your head, consider her your girlfriend, and continue on like before.

Lex

[Noir]

Thanks, Lexington (I love that gargoyle too, btw, lol). I think one of the main problems is I'm not sure what I want. It just seems...too simple to just ask. And I'm always telling myself in the back of my head that no matter what, I'd always get rejected if I did. Of course there's a possibility she might say yes, but I don't know if I'd risk that chance yet. If it is a friendship only, i like it the way it is. You should never ask a question unless you're prepared for either answer. And what if I did consider her my girlfriend in my head only and that comes back to slap me in the face someday?

[xXPsychedelicXx]

Hey there!

You mentioned that "She has a boyfriend now, but she's been struggling with herself trying to figure out if she's bi-curious...". If she's still trying to figure out her orientation, then maybe making your "relationship" official isn't a good idea. Not yet, at least. She needs to be completely comfortable with the idea first.

It definitely sounds like she does have some feelings for you though. First things first, figure out what YOU want. Do you want her to be your girlfriend? Do you want things to just carry on, as they are? If you decide that you want something more official, sit down with her and talk about it. Take Lexington's advice. "It's almost like you're my girlfriend now." See what she says. Listen to her. If she really is struggling with her sexual orientation, be as supportive as you can. We've all been there.

All the best! Keep us posted.

[Noir]

Originally Posted by xXPsychedelicXx

Hey there!

You mentioned that "She has a boyfriend now, but she's been struggling with herself trying to figure out if she's bi-curious...". If she's still trying to figure out her orientation, then maybe making your "relationship" official isn't a good idea. Not yet, at least. She needs to be completely comfortable with the idea first.

It definitely sounds like she does have some feelings for you though. First things first, figure out what YOU want. Do you want her to be your girlfriend? Do you want things to just carry on, as they are? If you decide that you want something more official, sit down with her and talk about it. Take Lexington's advice. "It's almost like you're my girlfriend now." See what she says. Listen to her. If she really is struggling with her sexual orientation, be as supportive as you can. We've all been there.

All the best! Keep us posted.

Hey! Sorry I haven't talked to you in a while, I'll try to fix that! ><

Thank you, I appreciate both your advice. After everything else, I do want her to be my girlfriend--that would be the most amazing blessing, but I'm not sure it's such a good idea to ask her when she has a boyfriend. I might scare her away or make her doubt herself. I don't know if she's strong enough to accept something like that with me, especially if she's questioning. Should I wait for when and if they break up...?

[LailaForbidden]

hmm. thats tricky. I sort of have the same thing with my best friend, except she's completey straight :/ but she does touch me alot and sometimes she acts as if she's dating me. Its kind of wierd to explain.. she's a very physical person i guess. But anyway! this is your post right? :P i would give her little hints and see how she responds and if she says something that leads to the question then i would ask her, but gently. If she's truly your best friend, she won't stop being your friend just because of a question. just a hint: if she gets angry, she's probably in denial.

[Noir]

Originally Posted by LailaForbidden

hmm. thats tricky. I sort of have the same thing with my best friend, except she's completey straight :/ but she does touch me alot and sometimes she acts as if she's dating me. Its kind of wierd to explain.. she's a very physical person i guess. But anyway! this is your post right? :P i would give her little hints and see how she responds and if she says something that leads to the question then i would ask her, but gently. If she's truly your best friend, she won't stop being your friend just because of a question. just a hint: if she gets angry, she's probably in denial.

Lol, thank you. It is confusing and sometimes if we do something that just goes too far or we accidentally start to say something that implies something else other than a platonic meaning she'll start to freak out. But I suppose I could try... She doesn't strike me as a very physical person by nature, she's actually a real tomboy, but I'm not sure. I don't think she'd stop being my friend, but you never know. Lol, I'll keep that tip in mind.


I think it might be useful to add that last year during the rockiest time in our history she did ask me if I liked her. At first I said I wasn't sure, but then one day in anger I just said I didn't. I don't know what effect that had....