Wishing in Waynesville

[BreeBree]

Hi everyone, thanks for taking time to read this! Bear with me, I'm pretty new to this. Sooo a lot of stuff is going on in my life. But what I'm here for right now is...ahem..."outting". When I first realized, and let everyone else know I like girls, it was easy because my best friend and I kinda came to realize it...together. so we told people we knew well enough to know they'd be ok with it. But after a lot of drama that came about for several reasons we kinda fell apart. So now I've been exploring on my own and getting used to learning on my own. So far I haven't heard anything from anyone that has hurt my feelings. Except from my dad. Several of my friends and others who hear stories know I'm pretty much a lesbian, but I haven't had the courage to tell any family. Part of this is because I'm 97% certain my dad's a, how u say,homophobe. He's always making rude comments about being gay, and I'm not sure it would be safe for my mental health if he knew I was one of "them". I drop little hints when he makes comments, like he should be nicer and there's nothing wrong with it, and I'm hoping maybe I'll be ableto make him think a little more before he speaks. But how do I know he even cares who it hurts? And how do I know if I tell him he's hurting me, he won't freak out and try to deny me? My mom has asked me about it several times, because of stories she's heard, but before I have time to process it, I find myself denying it. Another reason I haven't approached them is because I know how the stereotype works. Suddenly everyone assumes when you talk to a person of your preffered gender, your suddenly interested in them. I'm afraid if my parents know they'll regulate the girls I hang out with just like they do with the guys I talk to. I don't wanna be kept from my chick bffs if that happens. Ok so this was really long and it didn't really have a big point but I just needed to throw that out there to someone since I don't have a gay bff to talk to anymore. Have anyone who's been through this got any tips on how to magickally gain some fearlessness?? </3

[Gravity]

Sadly, no magical ways to fearlessness, but if I find any I'll let you know. In any case, welcome to EC!

Since it sounds like your family - and specifically your parents - are your prime concern here, some thoughts about that.

First, it sounds from your post like your mom is more accepting and is even suspecting it of you on her own. This sounds like a good thing, and it may even make the process of eventually coming out to your father easier on you. Much like you've been doing so far, I found that when I came out it was easier to start with the people I knew would be ok with it and progress from there - I don't think I ever came out to more than one person at once, even in the case of my parents.

Second, while I'm sure your dad's comments are hurtful, is there anything you can say, with certainty, is part of his attitude towards lbgt people? It can be notoriously hard to predict people's reactions when they say these kinds of things, because often they say them without thinking about it, because "everybody says them" or "everybody thinks them," and they've never really been forced to reflect on what, exactly, they think about gay people. So not to pry, but what exactly does your dad say about gay people, if you're willing to share? And how does this relate to what he's usually surrounded by?

I wouldn't worry too much about your parents censoring your friends. If that happens, then A) it's part of a larger and more important underlying problem, and B) you can easily just tell your parents that such-and-such a friend isn't gay. I would think that any misunderstandings about this could be cleared up pretty easily.

Finally, sorry to hear about your falling out with your friend, it can be really nice to have someone to go through the process with. But onward and upward nevertheless, I'm sure you'll be okay.