He's not the problem, but our friends are.

[Tiptape]

Hello guys, first post here and I'd appreciate some advice on what I could, should and shouldn't do.

I've gotten to know this guy for about 3-4 months now since I was posted to his branch. We're in the military now due to conscription. I shan't describe him but it's quite clear to me that I have fallen for him What I feel when I'm around him is unlike most "eye-candy" kind of boys, as if it could be more than mere physical attraction. I love being around him, I love how he smells. He's told me he likes a girl, so in my best chance, he's bisexual. But I highly doubt that. I really want to tell him how I feel, even if it doesn't go anywhere.

Problem here is, although I think he's mature and thoughtful enough to accept it (I'm not too comfortable with coming out too openly, I have told a couple of close friends and I'd like to keep it within those whom I trust), he's closer to other guys in our branch as he's been there longer than I have, and may let it slip, be in intentionally or not, and I don't get the feeling that the other guys will take it very well that I am not straight. They don't seem to be downright homophobic, but merely seem to be uncomfortable to be working with someone who isn't straight. I'm not taking my chances though. He leaves on the 24th of Feb, when his term in the army ends and it's likely I'll see him very very rarely.

I don't know whether to tell him before or after he leaves, or whether I should at all.

[robclem21]

Alright, so this is by no means my area of expertise but I'll give it a shot and maybe some others will be able to agree/disagree with me. I'd have to say don't tell him for a few reasons. The first and most important thing is that you have to be ready. It seems to me you are not ready for everyone to know and given the situation, the last thing you want is to be in that situation once he is gone and everybody else is still there with you. What do you want to get out of telling him? To be his friend more closely? A relationship? It sounds like you are crushing hardcore, but if he has not given you any signs and seems to not be interested than you have no reason to really suspect he is bi and I think it will likely end with you being left in an awkward situation. Also if he is leaving soon than it seems like you would be telling him more for yourself than to make anything happen (which is totally fine, but that's assuming he keeps it to himself).

Maybe I am just trying to play devils advocate here and I apologize for all the negativity (usually I am supportive of telling people), but a work environment where you are around those people constantly might not be the best place to start making these choices. If you do tell him, I would suggest almost right before he leaves or the day before to minimize the chances of it spreading around, but again that depends on what you are looking to have happen with him. Best case he is interested you get his contact information and see what happens down the road? That might make it harder to deal with his absence though.

Hopefully at least one thing I said in there helps a little bit. Maybe others have some more to add.

[mnguy]

Welcome to EC! Yea, I dunno either. You hate to have the regret of what coulda been and wishing you took a chance, but what makes you think he could be bi and how well do you know him? Like robclem21 said, what do you think will come of telling him? I hope something great happens for you with him

[Lexington]

Welcome to EC!

My general response in situations like this is to work on coming out to him first. People are less likely to blab a generic "Tip told me he's bisexual" to friends, and more likely to blab "Tip told me he's got the hots for me". That's especially true if you can tell him semi-in-confidence. So as you get to know him better, maybe see if you can get him alone, and maybe find a way to do that. You know the guy and the situation better than I do, so it'll be up to you to find the best way. "Even with the end of DADT, I'm still really hesitant to tell anybody I'm bisexual." Whatever works.

His response to that will help guide your next move. If he seems put out by this info, I'd take that as a bad sign, and just give him space. If he seems neutral with it, I'd say it's probably not worth pursuing until you see any other signs. If he seems accepting, and even encouraging, you might want to let that info sink in for a couple days, and see how he reacts around you, before making any other move. And if he says "OMG, me too"...well, you can take it from there.

Lex

[Tiptape]

Thanks guys for the advice.

I really don't know what I want / expect out of telling him. Perhaps it's my subconscious hoping that something will evolve from it, as robclem21 mentioned (Coincidentally, the boy's Clem too).

It's just that the signs he's showing aren't typical of "mere-friends" guys. Longer-than-usual eye contact, the corner of the mouth lifting slightly to a little smile when we make eye contact. He's asked me to follow him on a trip to Cambodia where we'd help educate kids, and even to Japan.

Perhaps I'm reading too much into it. He could just be really nice, that's all. And that may be why I'm even having this massive crush on him in the first place.