Dad Dilemma - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

ChutneyFarmer · 22nd Jan 2012, 08:36 AM

Hi Guys. I'm 15, not-out and have a bit of a dilemma...

In an effort to get down to business on my sexuality, I decided to contain my thoughts to when I'm running. That way I have some time alone to think, and it's quite contained - my thoughts don't splurge all over my daily life.

But today - my first run - my dad asked to come with me. I'm glad he wants to come - it will be good bonding - but I feel I really need this reflection time. How do I get that without hurting his feelings? I can't exactly say "Sorry Dad, need this alone time right now to consider my sexuality. Oh, you didn't know???"

What should I do?

mnguy · 22nd Jan 2012, 08:57 AM

I would guess that his work schedule and other things would allow you to have times to run on your own. Depending what kind of shape he's in, he might go a few times and get tired of it, can't keep up with a youngster like you

Maybe it would give you a chance to talk to him about your sexuality at some point too.

BreeBree · 22nd Jan 2012, 08:58 AM

Running is a great way to gather your thoughts, kudos to you. As for your dad, maybe a little bonding time is in order? I think you should try to enjoy the time you spend with him, and maybe you'll have another chance to gather your thoughts, perhaps run again later?
Good luck<3

Chouchou · 22nd Jan 2012, 10:46 AM

I agree with BreeBree and mnguy: go on a run with your dad when he asks to, and then sneak in some time later in the day to run alone. Another thing you could try is setting up some kind of a weekly running schedule with your dad's input: run with him two or three days a week, and run by yourself the other four or five days. That might be a good way to compromise between your need for alone time and both your needs for bonding.

Revan · 22nd Jan 2012, 02:30 PM

I think maybe make a compromise? I don't know how often you run in a week, but perhaps you could let your dad run with you half the time, and then maybe ask if the other half you could run alone? I don't see your dad finding that suspicious, just say you really enjoy running with him, but that you'd also like to run alone some of the time because it's nice to be able to run and think and imagine and all that good stuff

I dunno, I just don't see many Dads finding this awkward. Long as you're not cutting out ALL bonding time, I don't see a problem

22nd Jan 2012, 08:36 AM	#1
ChutneyFarmer EC's resident Scotsman! Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay (I THINK!) Out Status: Parents :D Location: Scotland! Posts: 61 Join Date: Jun 2011	Dad Dilemma Hi Guys. I'm 15, not-out and have a bit of a dilemma... In an effort to get down to business on my sexuality, I decided to contain my thoughts to when I'm running. That way I have some time alone to think, and it's quite contained - my thoughts don't splurge all over my daily life. But today - my first run - my dad asked to come with me. I'm glad he wants to come - it will be good bonding - but I feel I really need this reflection time. How do I get that without hurting his feelings? I can't exactly say "Sorry Dad, need this alone time right now to consider my sexuality. Oh, you didn't know???" What should I do? __________________ A closed mind is like a closed book; Just a block of wood-

22nd Jan 2012, 08:57 AM	#2
mnguy EC Regular Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: People likely assume Location: MN Age: 36 Posts: 895 Join Date: Nov 2006	Re: Dad Dilemma I would guess that his work schedule and other things would allow you to have times to run on your own. Depending what kind of shape he's in, he might go a few times and get tired of it, can't keep up with a youngster like you Maybe it would give you a chance to talk to him about your sexuality at some point too.

22nd Jan 2012, 08:58 AM	#3
BreeBree Awesome Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Girls > Guys Out Status: all but family and those who dont care to ask(: Location: Clouds.. Posts: 39 Join Date: Jan 2012	Re: Dad Dilemma Running is a great way to gather your thoughts, kudos to you. As for your dad, maybe a little bonding time is in order? I think you should try to enjoy the time you spend with him, and maybe you'll have another chance to gather your thoughts, perhaps run again later? Good luck<3 __________________ "When the zen ends, the ass-kicking begins..." -Steven Hyde

22nd Jan 2012, 10:46 AM	#4
Chouchou Warrior Goddess Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Homosexual (asexual?) and mostly homoromantic Out Status: To some friends, but not to family Location: Wisconsin, USA Age: 26 Posts: 1,109 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: Dad Dilemma I agree with BreeBree and mnguy: go on a run with your dad when he asks to, and then sneak in some time later in the day to run alone. Another thing you could try is setting up some kind of a weekly running schedule with your dad's input: run with him two or three days a week, and run by yourself the other four or five days. That might be a good way to compromise between your need for alone time and both your needs for bonding. __________________ "The good neighbor looks beyond the external accidents and discerns those inner qualities that make all men human and, therefore, brothers." -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Last edited by Chouchou; 22nd Jan 2012 at 10:50 AM..

22nd Jan 2012, 02:30 PM	#5
Revan EC Addict Full Member Gender: M for MEEP! Orientation: Mutant and Proud Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Windsor, Ontario Age: 24 Posts: 6,569 Join Date: Jun 2005	Re: Dad Dilemma I think maybe make a compromise? I don't know how often you run in a week, but perhaps you could let your dad run with you half the time, and then maybe ask if the other half you could run alone? I don't see your dad finding that suspicious, just say you really enjoy running with him, but that you'd also like to run alone some of the time because it's nice to be able to run and think and imagine and all that good stuff I dunno, I just don't see many Dads finding this awkward. Long as you're not cutting out ALL bonding time, I don't see a problem __________________ "Is there some reason my coffee isn't here? Has she died or something?" - Miranda Priestly. Strength is not defined by physical capacity, but by indomitable will. ~ Mahatma Gandhi Procrastination is like masturbation, in the end you just wind up screwing yourself.

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