Sexually Confused and Needs Advice - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

moonrocks · 22nd Jan 2012, 10:57 AM

Hi Everyone,

I admit to knowing very little about LGBTQ. I am a girl who has been hetero my whole life, but there have been times where I feel like I am attracted to my closest girl friends. It has never really developed into anything though, because I definitely have strong feelings for guys. I was pretty willing to ignore any small feelings I got for girls because they were rare and outweighed by how I felt for guys.

Lately, I have been having some issues though. I work with a girl who I seem drawn to, and I'm pretty sure she is gay. She dresses very masculine and she almost seems more like a guy than a girl to me. Which is maybe why my feelings have been a lot stronger this time than ever before. Basically, I'm confused. I still like guys, but at the same time I am attracted to her. But maybe I'm only attracted to her, because she seems like a guy to me. Does that make me gay? I don't know. I've never been with a girl, so it's possible I wouldn't even like it. I'm not sure what to do. I'm pretty confused.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

Thanks so much!

silverhalo · 22nd Jan 2012, 11:22 AM

I think it is possible you could be bisexual, or straight with a slight liking for girls, sexuality is (as you will definitely find now you have joined EC) is both fluid and complicated. Liking a girl doesn't make you gay, but I also don't think that you are drawn to her purely because she looks like a guy. Could you imagine yourself ever going any further with a girl?

Marlowe · 22nd Jan 2012, 04:41 PM

Welcome to EC!

Don't worry so much about labels right now. Don't worry about if am I this or that. You can be mostly straight and attracted to girls only in certain situations. First, you probably aren't attracted to her because she is slightly masculine. She may have masculine traits but the bottom line that she is a woman and you know what she has in her pants. (the question to ask yourself might be, is she more or less attractive if she had man parts?) A lot of people don't understand their sexuality until they become fully attracted to someone of the same gender. I for one denied it until I fell madly in love with a good friend of mine. Maybe finally having this attraction especially to someone who is a potential partner has finally catalyzed any latent feeling you might have.

I think the best thing you can do now is to try to figure out in what way you are attracted to her. In what ways are you attracted to her? Could you imagine kissing or dating her? how does this make you feel when you do? What do you like about her? Do you like her because you have things in common or because you want something more?

It takes a while to sort through this, so don't worry if you don't have any good answers yet. This is an incredible community and don't hesitate to ask more questions of any of us individually or posting them on the forum. We are here for you.

22nd Jan 2012, 10:57 AM	#1
moonrocks Newbie Regular Member Gender: Female Posts: 1 Join Date: Jan 2012	Sexually Confused and Needs Advice Hi Everyone, I admit to knowing very little about LGBTQ. I am a girl who has been hetero my whole life, but there have been times where I feel like I am attracted to my closest girl friends. It has never really developed into anything though, because I definitely have strong feelings for guys. I was pretty willing to ignore any small feelings I got for girls because they were rare and outweighed by how I felt for guys. Lately, I have been having some issues though. I work with a girl who I seem drawn to, and I'm pretty sure she is gay. She dresses very masculine and she almost seems more like a guy than a girl to me. Which is maybe why my feelings have been a lot stronger this time than ever before. Basically, I'm confused. I still like guys, but at the same time I am attracted to her. But maybe I'm only attracted to her, because she seems like a guy to me. Does that make me gay? I don't know. I've never been with a girl, so it's possible I wouldn't even like it. I'm not sure what to do. I'm pretty confused. Any thoughts or suggestions? Thanks so much!

22nd Jan 2012, 11:22 AM	#2
silverhalo EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Quite a few Location: England, Age: 29 Posts: 3,166 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: Sexually Confused and Needs Advice I think it is possible you could be bisexual, or straight with a slight liking for girls, sexuality is (as you will definitely find now you have joined EC) is both fluid and complicated. Liking a girl doesn't make you gay, but I also don't think that you are drawn to her purely because she looks like a guy. Could you imagine yourself ever going any further with a girl?

22nd Jan 2012, 04:41 PM	#3
Marlowe Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: The people who matter Age: 22 Posts: 247 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: Sexually Confused and Needs Advice Welcome to EC! Don't worry so much about labels right now. Don't worry about if am I this or that. You can be mostly straight and attracted to girls only in certain situations. First, you probably aren't attracted to her because she is slightly masculine. She may have masculine traits but the bottom line that she is a woman and you know what she has in her pants. (the question to ask yourself might be, is she more or less attractive if she had man parts?) A lot of people don't understand their sexuality until they become fully attracted to someone of the same gender. I for one denied it until I fell madly in love with a good friend of mine. Maybe finally having this attraction especially to someone who is a potential partner has finally catalyzed any latent feeling you might have. I think the best thing you can do now is to try to figure out in what way you are attracted to her. In what ways are you attracted to her? Could you imagine kissing or dating her? how does this make you feel when you do? What do you like about her? Do you like her because you have things in common or because you want something more? It takes a while to sort through this, so don't worry if you don't have any good answers yet. This is an incredible community and don't hesitate to ask more questions of any of us individually or posting them on the forum. We are here for you.