Embarrassment only getting worse...

[wolfeee]

Cheers mates! I'm brand new here. I was browsing the internet and searching for a safe community to discuss my identity and learn from others. This place fits the bill perfectly!

Anyway my title sums it up nicely. As the days, weeks, months and years tick by, my dishonesty and secret keeping from my family is only making me more and more embarrassed for the day I finally do come out.
A little background info will give the reader some insight into my plight:

I'm almost 21 years old and a sophomore at an Ivy League university in New York. I've played varsity sports all throughout high school and am on a varsity team again here at the uni. I'm also in the Army ROTC program and intend to be defer active duty to complete medical school. My intentions are not to brag per se, but to paint you a picture that I am not really someone you could easily pinpoint to be gay. Anyway, I get hit on very often by females and my mother is always trying to set me up with her friend's daughters. She commonly says how "someday I'll make some girl so happy" Throughout the years I've always just laughed it off and used my good friend (who is a female) as a beard.

Well, lately I've been feeling highly guilty that I have been dishonest with my family. Some of my friends have known about my "secret" for quite some time, but not my teammates or siblings. I just feel so embarrassed about being gay. I try to tell myself that sexual orientation is just a single facet of ones personality and it is by no means an indicator of other characteristics...but will others get this?

With DADT repelled, I don't have that to worry about that (Woo Woo!) But I can't shake this feeling of mounting embarrassment. Any thoughts or similar experiences?

Thanks

[phospholipase]

Well, only you can judge what point you are in your life. It may become more clear whether or not you'd feel comfortable coming out after you figure out how receptive your family would be to homosexuality. What exactly is holding you back? For some people, it's fear of losing family, whether for financial or emotional support. But if the feeling of guilt is wrecking you terribly on the inside, factor that too into your dilemma.

[Jim1454]

Hi there, and welcome to EC.

I don't think you need to worry about people being angry that you haven't told them earlier. Many people do worry about that, but few people have had friends or family disown them because of the length of time they took to come out. People, if they understand what it means to be gay, will understand that it is a complex issue to work through, and that we all take our own time to get to the point of coming out.

At the same time, it isn't going to get any easier with time.

You don't need to come out to everyone all at once. Come out at your own pace and with the people you're comfortable telling.