cant stand my familys views on gays/gender roles

[ICTOAUN]

My family drives me nuts. They r so close minded and set in their ways. Ugh exhausting
My brothher things 9 out of 10 gay people must have been sexually abused in their childhood.
I told my sister I ont want kids and she asked if I was messed up or had a traumatic childhood
My siblings are constantly nagging me about what I wear (vnecks with undershirts. Hoodies. Vans. Occasionally some boy jeans. Watches. I'm from cali. A lot of ppl dress like this. I'm a skater and wear surfer type brands.). They say I'm too boyish. My sister even said that boys won't want to talk to me if I wear tshirts in college (as if id want to b friends with a boy that judgemental anyways). Its ridiculous. Regarding gays, whenever my brother sees one he acts super grosssed out and makes fun of them. He once said "if gays are allowed to get married.. just think of what that will lead to. Soon, ppl. Will b trying to marry their dogs."
I'm just so sick of their ignorance. And I don't know how to fight back or even ignore them. I'm worried that when I come out to them, they will have a super negative reaction.
Advice?

[Tiny Catastrophe]

I'm just going based off of my experience. My girlfriend's mom (not her birth mother) is extremely homophobic and when she found out my girlfriend is gay her homophobia got worse. I won't go into detail but basically my girlfriend suffers a lot because her mom refuses to accept her. Unfortunately sometimes that happens. Now in my case, my mom used to be homophobic. She found out I was bi when she saw my first girlfriend kiss me (I obviously didn't know my mom was there) and she flipped out. After a while she learned to accept it it slowly. Her best friend happens to be gay so she has gotten to a point where it's just a normal part of life and there's nothing wrong with the way I am. I guess my point would be that although they may not have a great reaction at first, just give them some time and they will eventually come around. They're your family and they love you. It just may take some time for them to get used to it. Good luck.

[tdg2728]

I know how you feel. I am out to my parents and my dad still makes remarks about gays and queers. It is like he doesn't consider the fact that I am into girls and what he says hurts. I am along with you, I was like that just as well. You will never know their reaction until you say something. Just know that if they react negatively don't take it personal. They still love you its just how they feel about your choice. Remember no one can make you change who you are and you shouldn't let any one bring you down just because they don't believe in the same thing you do. My parents don't accept it and they have told me they don't and that gays shouldn't be allowed to marry....and its hard hearing that. But I know that it is my life and they are choosing what they are and if they miss out it is not my fault!
I wish you luck! Just know that you are who you are and no one can change that.

[shfh]

I am glad that my brothers are more openminded, but they struggled in the beginning. The PFLAG website and I think it really helped my brother understand some misconceptions about being gay.

As for the parents side of things, I can't say I got super advice for you because I still havn't solved my own. But I can understand how you feel. My parents arn't religious, but are of the type that thinks "gay behaviour will cause human extinction". When I am with them and we see gay people or just someone who "looks" gay, it clearly makes them uncomfortable. For me, I have no plans to tell them any time soon, and since I don't live anywhere near them, that is much easier to do.

I think coming out to your family just so you can "fight back" probably wouldn't be the best reason or timing. You have to feel when you are comfortable with telling them, not because you think its time for them to learn a lesson.
Good Luck

[Hot Pink]

I'm out to my family and everyone, but that doesn't mean that my parents accept it. My mom has issues with me being trans, but she's accepting of that for the most part. She completely hates that I'm a lesbian, though. She says things like, "Oh, you just haven't met the right guy." Even hurtful things like, "If you like girls, maybe you should stay a guy."

The only advice I can give you is to keep doing what you need to do, honestly. In the end, it doesn't matter what your parents or siblings say. You're going to love who you're going to love.

[ICTOAUN]

Op
Thanks for the replies guys it makes me feel better to know I'm not alone. I know I shouldn't care what they think... But they r my family. I want them to b period of me and like whoever I end up bringing home. Its also difficult because I'm not out to them yet, so when homosexuality comes up I get super uncomfortable and feel like the whole world is watching me. I try to act supportive of gays after they bash them but I think it just makes them suspicious. It hurts to know that they may never understand or accept me

---------- Post added 24th Jan 2012 at 10:12 PM ----------

Op
Thanks for the replies guys it makes me feel better to know I'm not alone. I know I shouldn't care what they think... But they r my family. I want them to b period of me and like whoever I end up bringing home. Its also difficult because I'm not out to them yet, so when homosexuality comes up I get super uncomfortable and feel like the whole world is watching me. I try to act supportive of gays after they bash them but I think it just makes them suspicious. It hurts to know that they may never understand or accept me

[duriru]

I can also somewhat relate to you. My parents (and most of the people in my country for that matter) are very old-fashioned. It seems my parents think that all LGBT people were molested when they were young. They think that people are gay because they "liked it" when they got molested. When they hear that someone might have been molested, the first thing they say is that they hope he/she doesn't turn out gay. Gender roles are also pretty strict here. Boys are supposed to like football, to like cars, etc. Girls have to do house chores, like dolls, have long hair, etc. I've learned to ignore all those comments since I know they don't know any better. Also most people think that people are gay because they want to be a woman (or a man). And that it's a choice to be gay.
Don't get me wrong, there are many open-minded people in my country (mostly in the cities) but my parents have lived most of their life in a small town, so they are very close-minded.
I can't give you any advice based on my experience though, since I know that I won't ever come out to my parents (as long as I live here), and I'm already comfortable with the fact that they will never approve with whoever I end up with. But, best of luck, I hope everything turns out for the best .