the sublty of homophobia...

[Emberstone]

I have a writers critique group that I have been going to for a few years now. It has been, until tonight, a wonderful, supportive, and positive enviorment. I really felt that the group was a great place.

Then, tonight, as I was working through the critique of 5 pages I brought in that deals with a gay teen runaway coming home after the end of his journey, it ends with him preparing to tell his parents where he had been for the last two years, and the last line was "rafe squeezed his hand again", which was meant to be a non-verbal courage boost, and to show the importance of their relationship.

the leader of the group said "so are you insinuating that this is a homosexual relationship?"

it would have been fine, because I know some people say gay, some people say homosexual... however the tone came off as accusatory, and not very questioning. When I say that it is, because the theme of the book is isolation, and so having the main character be gay (it is a paranormal thriller/romance as its main genre) allows me to further that isolation within the homeless group he is in. she made a dismisive gesture before I even finished my answer, which is when it really hit me that yes, I had heard her tone correctly.

it was not a outright statement, but her gestures and tone really rubbed me the wrong way, and now I am considering making this my last term with the group.

I stayed long enough to finish writing all my critique notes for the last critique at the night, and excused myself early.

I really dont want to stay in the group if she figures out that I am gay myself, and starts treating me badly in general. I dont want to stay if it is going to escalate. I can probably continue on my own just fine, and just continue to grow as a writer through my A.S. and B.A. level writing and creative writing classes.

I think that it is coming close to time to bow out of the group, and put my focus elsewhere.

[TheEdend]

I'm sorry that you had to experience that. It sucks when one person can change the mood of an event. That being said, if you enjoy the rest of the group and you like the people, then I would suggest sticking with it and fighting for your place in the group.

Its your group, you like it so if she has a problem with you being gay then she can quit the group all she wants. Shes the one with the problem, not you. Let her deal with it.

In my experience, you won't succeed in changing her mind when it comes to LGBt subject, but you can convince her to shut up when you are in the meetings. You can either do that by peer pressure or you can confront her directly. Either way, don't quit because of some idiot. Chances are that this is not going to be the first moron you encounter so might as well learn how to deal with them

[Sunsetting]

wow, i'm sorry it was difficult for you bro. along the 'confronting' line, i'm curious if it's possible to ask her about her perspective on being gay/homosexual. it doesn't have to "out" you, but you can do it in a purely informational fashion. then it gives you grounds to express to her how, 'whether or not she agrees with people in gay relationships, it's a reality that you find compelling to write on (read about).' i'm always interested in finding out where people are coming from, directly about the issue, before i boot a person or remove myself from a situation. i know that sounds difficult, but it does open up an opportunity for you to consider ways to address her impropriety with a calm, reasoned approach. it may plant seeds that grow.

and an fyi, i appreciate a lot of your posts and i'm with you man.