I don't even know anymore

[LynaHoek]

Well first off I'd like to say that I've been on here before. And then I thought I had everything figured out but I totally didn't. So I'm back, hopefully for some advice cause I'm very lost...

I'm attracted to guys and girls. Mostly girls. I want to be with a girl, I want to experience what it's like to sexually be with a girl. But I feel so awful for wanting that even though I completely accept myself and anyone else who feels things like that. I'm afraid that if I find someone who I'm attracted to and is attracted to me and we just have a one time fling, it'll cause drama somehow. My family doesn't know anything about this, just my best friend. But that's what I want...at least for right now. I just want to experience it so bad. And...I don't know really, I don't know what to feel right now. I don't have any commitments to anyone so I'm not worried about if I'll hurt anyone really, I'm just worried about any decisions that I make because I don't need more stress in my life right now.

This is all still so confusing to me even though I've been dealing with these feelings for a very long time now. And I just don't know what to do.

[Sadepeura]

Hi LynaHoek,

Wow, you do sound very stressed, and clearly have been worrying about this for a really long time. But what decisions do you have to do right now? Why not just relax and see how everything goes?

You have time, you're only 20! When you find someone, you won't care about the possible drama. When ever there are relationships (no matter what kind, not matter what the sexual orientations are) there will always be drama of some sort.

Try not to worry too much. Just breathe for a bit. Exhale. The right things will happen when you let them to happen at their own time.

I hope this helps at least a little bit. Feel free to message me if you want to.

[LynaHoek]

Sadepeura, thank you for taking the time to respond

Well, I guess mostly the decision is do I want to risk my family finding out right now if I were to let something happen like this. My mom is very supportive and will love me no matter what, but I'm just not sure I'm ready to tell her about this yet and I don't want it getting out without me consenting or something.

I know, but I feel like I've been through so much and I feel so much older, not in a good way lol. I'm tired and I just want to find 'the right person' I guess, but I want to experience a little first, to just which I feel more comfortable with first. It's just a little confusing.

I try to stay positive but I guess it's just hard sometimes. But I'll keep trying.

Thank you again for responding, I'll follow your advice and see where it leads me.

[silverhalo]

I know it can be hard not to stress about what might or might not be, but my advice would just be to try and go along with it, and if you find yourself in a situation with a girl that you think might progress then you can cross the bridge of telling your Mum. Try not to think about it negatively as you said your Mum will still love you. I always find when im stressing about something, all of the scenarios I conjure up in my head are way worse that anything that generally happens in real life.