Don't want to be gay.

[KrisBrooks]

Depending on the days, sometimes I feel attracted to girls, sometimes I feel attracted to guys, sometimes I feel attracted to both. It's a weird feeling and it's quite unnerving. I really just don't want these feelings at all, I want to just be attracted to women, some say I'm confused simply because I'm still a teenager, and don't know what I want yet, but it's just like, I could never bring myself to date another male, but I have sexual feelings towards them. I date girls, I have an attraction to them, I appreciate the female form, but I never really get sexual feelings for them. Is there something wrong with me, or is it just my hormones getting out of whack? All help and answers are appreciated.
Thanks,
--Kris

[Random Dent]

Don't put so much pressure on yourself; you don't have to label yourself anything. Just be yourself and like whomever you like.

You can start by considering yourself bisexual...to get yourself used to the idea of liking guys. It's like dipping your toe in the water to test the temperature. A lot of us have had used that method (me included) when they're scared or uneasy about thinking of themselves as totally gay.

I didn't realize I was gay until last year but I still have days where find men attractive...I wouldn't hop into bed with one...but I stop and think "oh, he's cute!" and I can appreciate a man's body (above the belt) but it still does nothing for me.

[KrisBrooks]

You know, I don't think I'd ever have a problem with being a bisexual, but I feel like I'd always prefer women over men. I want to end up married (to a woman) with out biological kids. Not having to adopt, or use a surrogate. I mean there's nothing wrong with like guys, but I want to like women more. Argh, I'm just a confused little bugger.

[toremi]

Unfortunately I think it will be something you will have to discover on your own and may take time. It is difficult to determine unless you are brutally honest with yourself... which can sometimes be scary.

Maybe for now you don't define it and see what happens? The pressure to define yourself is enough to confuse yourself. I hopped from straight to gay then from gay back to straight and so on. I was always convinced I was one or the other. Turned out in the end my real issue was accepting I was both; I am bi.

It's a long journey but just try and listen to what your body is telling you. Also remember you don't have to fit one catergory perfectly, as I have learned sexuallity is fluid and not rigid at all. If you haven't already check out either the Kinsey Scale or there is another scale I can't think of at this moment but I will post to you later.

They actually helped me determine, not that you have to or should give yourself a specific number on the scale... but because it helps you realize there are different types of attraction.

For example, they take a look at physical/sexual attraction as well as emotional attraction.

I quickly learned although I am sexually attracted to both (in some ways even more so men) I am really only emotionally attracted and connected to females. But I have also had time to explore this and learn this about myself! There is no need to rush it, you don't have a timeline to define yourself.

I hope this helps a little

[KrisBrooks]

It helped more than you can imagine! :-)

You've said twice that you "want" to be attracted to women, but you have to discover what you ARE attracted to and that could very well be women. But, if that is the case, then you have to come to that decision honestly and not just because society says so.

You mind lies but your loins don't; listen to them.

[Mad Man L]

At first, you will find yourself more strongly attracted towards women. This is because those are the only feelings you have known, and to feel anything sexual towards men will feel unnatural and against your nature.

At this point in time, it's important to ditch labels. Don't try and think that you have 3 days, 17 hours, 49 minutes and 34 seconds to identify as either straight, bi or gay or face having your penis cut off. Take your time - you've got all your life, and you might not fit a label straight away.

You firstly need to follow what your dick says, not what your mind says. (I like to say that my dick chooses who I like). Your mind wants everything to be normal, to fit in, and not have any problems. You've firstly got to open yourself up to all the possibilities - straight, bi, gay, pansexual, asexual, whatever. When I first thought I was bi, I didn't think I was strongly attracted to guys. Right now, I say 50/50, but it can swing around a bit, and trying to explain it beyond that confuses people. >.<

If you are gay, you will also need to get out of your mind the heteronormative idea of having kids. Yes, it might be nice, but you'll have to settle for adoption/surrogate. If you're bi, the option is most certainly still there.

[toremi]

Originally Posted by Mad Man L

You firstly need to follow what your dick says, not what your mind says. (I like to say that my dick chooses who I like). Your mind wants everything to be normal, to fit in, and not have any problems. You've firstly got to open yourself up to all the possibilities - straight, bi, gay, pansexual, asexual, whatever. When I first thought I was bi, I didn't think I was strongly attracted to guys. Right now, I say 50/50, but it can swing around a bit, and trying to explain it beyond that confuses people. >.<

I agree with the almost wholeheartedly except for one point. It isn't just about what your dick wants, it's also about what your heart wants as well. It makes up a part of it.

So like Mad Man L said, be open to being whatever -- I think that is a good bet. It will allow you to find love/attraction where you are meant to find love/attraction

[Sunsetting]

Originally Posted by toremi

Unfortunately I think it will be something you will have to discover on your own and may take time. It is difficult to determine unless you are brutally honest with yourself... which can sometimes be scary.

Maybe for now you don't define it and see what happens? The pressure to define yourself is enough to confuse yourself. I hopped from straight to gay then from gay back to straight and so on. I was always convinced I was one or the other. Turned out in the end my real issue was accepting I was both; I am bi.

It's a long journey but just try and listen to what your body is telling you. Also remember you don't have to fit one catergory perfectly, as I have learned sexuallity is fluid and not rigid at all. If you haven't already check out either the Kinsey Scale or there is another scale I can't think of at this moment but I will post to you later.

They actually helped me determine, not that you have to or should give yourself a specific number on the scale... but because it helps you realize there are different types of attraction.

For example, they take a look at physical/sexual attraction as well as emotional attraction.

I quickly learned although I am sexually attracted to both (in some ways even more so men) I am really only emotionally attracted and connected to females. But I have also had time to explore this and learn this about myself! There is no need to rush it, you don't have a timeline to define yourself.

I hope this helps a little

i really appreciate this bro

[thinkpink]

Just to back up what Random Dent says, I came out as Bi before I came out as gay and there are some days when I see a man I consider to be very attractive but I consider myself gay because I know that when it came to it, I wouldn't really want to sleep with them.

[Tracker57]

Ditch the labels! One we label ourselves we pick up all the emotional and psychological garbage we have mentally associated with that label and smear it all over ourselves, whether it's true or not. And then if we really change or we mislabeled ourselves, we are less likely to be honest with ourselves because we THINK we need to conform to some label. Just enjoy the natural unfolding and discovery of YOU! And even then, don't BR afraid of a little change now and then—it makes us human.

[MrHojalata98]

Hey im new to EC and i was surprised because you are going through the exact same thing as me. I wake up go to school and sometimes i look at girls and think " wow shes hot" and the next the same thing happens but with a guy. Istarted considering myself bi, but im as confused as u are :/ so if u want to chat with someone whos going through the same things just send me a message