Why am i so confused?

[MrHojalata98]

So yea hi there, before i tell my incredibly long story i want to thank you all for taking the time to listen to me.
Im so confused thats how much i can say right now and ive never tried to put what i feel into words, partially because of denial, partially because i have no one to talk to, so sorry if some parts dont make sense i just dont know where to start.
Am i gay? This is a question i ask myself everyday as soon as i open my eyes after a long night sleep. What does this mean to me? Ever since i was little i was told i was going to grow up, get married, have kids, and eventually become a grandpa. But what if none of this happens? I want it to happen, i want to have kids, i want to see them grow, and later on see them have their oen kids. But how am i suppose to do this things when i like guys? And its so frustrating because at my age ( im14 btw ) the biggest worry i should have is wether im going to my friends party saturday night, not who the heck am i going to end up with.And its something ive been struggling with this for about 4 years and im ready to burst, i have no idea how so many people hide it for so long. Going day after day with no one to talk to, knowing that if they ever found out they might disown you.
Im not really ashamed of being gay ( if i am gay to begin with.) it just that if i am its going to take my life in a totally diffrent direction, a road that i cant even see or know where it leads to. i dont even know what im asking for, i guess all i want is for someone to listen to me and know that once im finished talking they arent going to judge me.

[robclem21]

Hey there! First of all.

You are still very young and I agree with you that the last thing you want to think about is who you are going to spend your life with. I'm 21 and I still don't even like to think about stuff like that. Being confused can be equally as stressful though. It is tough to not know what you want exactly and then stressing over being confused can just make everything even worse. I guess my best advice to you is try not categorize everything and don't focus on labels. Gay, Straight, Bi are all just titles. When I was confused in high school and even before, I always tried to just focus on what makes me happy and at this point and even later on in your life you will realize that being happy is much more important than any labels you can stick on yourself.

It seems by your last post and the way you worded a few things that you have a good idea of what you like and what you think would make you happy but are more worried than confused about what you want. It is okay to have conflicting opinions sometimes especially when it is something we are brought up to expect out of our lives (kids, grandkids etc.). I have a good feeling neither of those are in your near future and as you get older you will become better at learning what you really want. Give it a little time and don't stress so much over being confused. Just for right now focus on what makes you happy and the people you enjoy being around. Yes it may take your life in a totally different direction than what you originally wanted, but its important to be able to adapt to those changes, and if they make you happy are those changes really a bad thing?

Don't ever worry about being judged on here. I think this confusion is something every single one of us has gone through at least once in one way or another. Try to take a step back and when you don't think about these things in such a concrete way, it may make what you want a little bit more clear.

Hope at least one thing I said was able to help you a little. If you ever wanna talk just lemme know or post on here or on my wall.

[Sunsetting]

hey there, welcome man. and to echo robclem, you will never be judged here and can feel free to share whatever is going on. that being said, it sounds like you are not so much confused as you are conflicted about what you have grown up to want and feelings of attraction for a guy that you have now. i really appreciate what robclem said here, "my best advice to you is try not categorize everything and don't focus on labels." but i'd like to go a little further to say, you are much more than than your sexuality, you have talents, skills, interests, likes and dislikes. you are still all those things which make up "you". plus since you are in puberty your horomones are jacked up like 1000%, so you feel much more deeply and your brain moves super fast. we are not what we feel all the time, though that may inform our direction, who we are is based on our character and the choices we make, so echoing what the wise robclem said once long ago, don't stress the concept of being confused/conflicted. and eventually you can share with a trusted adult "hey, i am attracted to men can i just talk with you about it?". that may not be now, and that's ok, but eventually. but for now, here is a great step forward. you're super brave man, thanks so much for sharing here. peace and talk soon ~ me

Just to rest your mind a little, bear in mind you're only 14 and things are only going to get better for us in the LGBT community.

To give you perspective, I'm 33. When I was 14, for example, we didn't have very many positive gay role models in pop culture. We didn't have Glee or Modern Family. And a lot of the laws were not as gay friendly as they are today (gay marriage wasn't legal anywhere).

Gay is "in" now. And, unlike when I was 14, people these days don't automatically associate gay with HIV and AIDS (thank you Magic Johnson).

Things have come incredibly far in that short amount of time and they'll get even better as you become an adult. You'll get to be the grandpa you always wanted to be, it just may be a different version than what you initially thought.

[AllthatIknew]

Originally Posted by robclem21

Hey there! First of all.

You are still very young and I agree with you that the last thing you want to think about is who you are going to spend your life with. I'm 21 and I still don't even like to think about stuff like that. Being confused can be equally as stressful though. It is tough to not know what you want exactly and then stressing over being confused can just make everything even worse. I guess my best advice to you is try not categorize everything and don't focus on labels. Gay, Straight, Bi are all just titles. When I was confused in high school and even before, I always tried to just focus on what makes me happy and at this point and even later on in your life you will realize that being happy is much more important than any labels you can stick on yourself.

It seems by your last post and the way you worded a few things that you have a good idea of what you like and what you think would make you happy but are more worried than confused about what you want. It is okay to have conflicting opinions sometimes especially when it is something we are brought up to expect out of our lives (kids, grandkids etc.). I have a good feeling neither of those are in your near future and as you get older you will become better at learning what you really want. Give it a little time and don't stress so much over being confused. Just for right now focus on what makes you happy and the people you enjoy being around. Yes it may take your life in a totally different direction than what you originally wanted, but its important to be able to adapt to those changes, and if they make you happy are those changes really a bad thing?

Don't ever worry about being judged on here. I think this confusion is something every single one of us has gone through at least once in one way or another. Try to take a step back and when you don't think about these things in such a concrete way, it may make what you want a little bit more clear.

Hope at least one thing I said was able to help you a little. If you ever wanna talk just lemme know or post on here or on my wall.

couldn't put it better myself, but here's an attempt atleast.

MrHojalata as you grow you learn that these tendencies to suppress these natural feelings are just petty insecurities just like anything else you eventually deem not worthy your time. in time you may find that you are suppressing a fore mentioned feelings because the natural human fear of change. MrHojalata, everyone learns what they enjoy the older they get, sometimes giving yourself a little time to let everything brew is the best answer. that's why I was drawn to this community, great advice can always be found here or there