I've turned into an antisocial self-loathing teenager.

[Olive]

And it all has roots in being transgendered. I have moderate-severe depression and constantly have thoughts of suicide, but have never acted on them. I'm depressed for 2 reasons; my parents won't do anything about my transsexualism, even though I can't hardly look in the mirror anymore. I don't go out because whenever I see a mildly attractive female I remember what I'm being denied and it just hurts more.

I'm terrified that between now and whenever I can start taking antandrogens I'll become even more masculine. As the days pass, puberty hits me harder and harder, now my forearms and biceps actually starting to enlarge. I'm scared that this is just a precursor to facial hair, a noticeable Adam's Apple, etc. I can't blame this entirely on my parents. We don't have a whole lot of money, but the pills don't cost very much and we've splurged on stupider things.

I've never actually been hurt by being transgendered. I'd feel a want, but never the absolute need, the pain associated with being trans. This has become such a problem recently that I'm actually holding back tears as I type this. I've never been affected by typing something. I don't want a bunch of 'you poor thing, blah blah blah'. I know some of you have been in my exact same position, but we all deal withthings differently. I hate being held when upset, I just want to go sit in the corner and stew.

The other reason for my particular shitty mood is that my best friend, the reason I'm still alive, is being sent 4 hours away to some mental health facility. She isn't allowed a phone, phone calls, write letters, read letters, come home for weekends, holidays, or anything. She'll be totally out of contact from everyone except her parents(who are also the only reason she's in there) from now until school ends in June. She's leaving tomorrow.

I have a girlfriend as of recently. She's great, but she doesn't know about me yet. I'm not sure if I ever will be able to tell her. I just don't even know what to do anymore... It's no use giving advice, I won't follow it anyway. I guess I just feel better having hundreds of strangers read about how much I hate myself...

[Gravity]

Well I'm glad that you have a place to talk about these feelings, and I'm glad that you aren't acting on your thoughts of suicide. If you do start to feel that urge strongly, please do talk to someone nearby.

Sorry to hear about your friend having to leave. Do you know of anyone else you can talk to about your situation? It may be really helpful to build up a secondary support network while she's gone.

How do you feel about having a girlfriend? Is it a nice thing to have in your life, or is it adding stress to your situation?

[Olive]

She's great, she's relieving a lot of the stress. There for the first week we were together, I was happier than I've been in years. As far as the support network goes, the friend being sent away is the only person in my life that I'm close enough to talk to about all this stuff. With her gone I have absolutely nobody to talk to. She's like the one Pokemon that I trained all the way up to level 100. When she's gone, I'm left with a few good friends that aren't nearly as goodnto talk to.

[Hot Pink]

Here's my suggestion, you need to keep reminding your parents that these feelings aren't going away. Trust me, your escalation of gender dysphoria is typical and your parents need to realize how serious GID really is. We're not talking about something that happens to "those parents" or "only happens on TV." Your parents need to realize that this is really happening to you and you need help.

How though? How do you help drive this home to your parents, when they prefer to live in a fantasy world? The only thing you can do is to get help from your friends and other family--if possible. Your girlfriend, I believe she has the right to know that she's in a lesbian relationship. That's just me, but I don't think it's right to keep that a secret from someone you care so deeply about. If she accepts you, then you have a very powerful ally. Otherwise, come out to your siblings, aunts, uncles, or whoever you feel close to and get their help.

Sorry about your friend. She'll be out eventually, right? Don't lose hope. If you've lost an important ally--even if it's only temporary--the only thing to do is to recruit more. Get people on your side, build your confidence, and then confront your parents when you feel ready. Just do it in a neutral place. Somewhere they don't have any power over you. Parents feel their most powerful at home, so you need to remove that advantage.