im proud of myself. releasing a questionable straight crush...

[insidehappy]

sorry for long message...

a few years ago i took swimming lessons at a pool. there was a guy that worked at at the pool that ran the class. he was really nice and i thought he was really cute. we never interacted but one day i was taking lessons and he was by the pool and he smiled at me. it lit up my world. i smiled back and we both kinda got embarrassed a little and looked away. i was going to try and strike up a conversation with him but i chickened out. the next time i saw him, i forced myself to ask him for some advice on my backstroke and he helped me. i thought that was really cool. we got a chance to talk and he was really nice. i was new to the area so i thought maybe we could be friends. i asked him if he wanted to exchanged contact information and be cool and when i did he looked really surprised and caught off guard. i felt like "oh gosh" i was wrong and he is not interested in me. but he said sure and we did and he smiled when he gave me his number and i saw him before i left and he smiled again. i sent him a text after that but he never responded. i felt stupid. then i did not really see him anymore. i guess he changed his work shift. when i did see him the next time, he somewhat acknowledged me but it wasn't the same. i didn't send anything inappropriate with teh text. just something like" thanks for the help great connecting".

i didn't see him anymore. well fast forward a year later. he now is a manager of this starbucks that i go to. everytime i see him he smiles at me and we chit chat and he remembers me from the swimming classes but he doesn't mention the phone number or anything. the smile is really cute. i think he knows i was basically coming onto him.

anyway, i told myself i would not ask for his number again as I since erased it and i would not try adn ask him out again because i felt that i had already done that. and no matter how cute i think he is, i am not going to do there again with him. i am nice to him back, i smile and i'm just my normal self. but i think i finally got to a good place with crushing on straight guys or guys i wasn't sure if they were straight or not.

im no longer interested in all the games. i opened the door for him by asking for his number and suggesting we can hang out. so i do not think i need to ask again a year or two later. if he is intersted or gay, he would let me know.

i think that was a big lesson for me and i'm proud of myself for not barking up that tree again later at Starbucks. that's a big step for me. i think i'm coming to terms with the fact that if i really want a relationshp with a guy, i have to be with someone that has some level of openess or willingness to be a bit transparent to me too. its 50/50 and crushes are usually 99/1

[Queeran]

Congrats for taking that step!

[insidehappy]

thanks! i just feel like that's not a good place for me to put myself in anymore. and i dont want to do that anymore.

[fiddlemiddle]

your day will come when you meet someone that is into you as you are into that person.

[insidehappy]

thanks fiddlemiddle. i hope so too. i guess i just had a lot of these crushes and these "what if" associates and they all ended nowhere so i guess when something recently in me just clicked and i said 'no more". it's not like i am not going to still be friendly to guys that i think are interesting but i am not going to look at things they say or do as potentially gay. i just dont want to do that anymore. i am just going to assume they are all straight and that if they are really interested they will let me know.

[malachite]

I know you've been having issues with being gay, I think this is a bigger step than you realise. You should be proud.

[insidehappy]

Originally Posted by malachite

I know you've been having issues with being gay, I think this is a bigger step than you realise. You should be proud.

thanks Mal. i kinda think so too. because even though i know that i am not wrong about some of these guys, if they are deeply closeted like that and living these double lives, well i just dont want to be a part of that because it probably means they are not ok with tehir sexuality or they have reduced their interest in men down to the lowest common denonminator....SEX. and there are a lot of guys that do that so they can deal with being gay. they can hookup with other guys and not have any attachment because i guess in tehir minds they can still be "straight" as long as they do not have emotional connections and its just physical and meaningless. however, i do not want someone like that. i do not have a problem with someone wanting to be discreet or if they are in the closet too that's fine. im kinda in the closet a lot myself. but when you are so in the closet that you can't express that you like someone when it's clear they like you and you like them, well then, i do not have time for that and it will only hurt my esteem and make me feel bad about myself. i'd rather meet someone where i atleast know from the start that they are interested in me and i do not have to play those games only to end up as someone they want to probably just have sex with anyway. maybe that is some growth on my part. i hope....

[insidehappy]

update: i saw my crush last week at Starbucks. guys i really need your help because i'm really confused. after i got my tea, i went over to the area where the napkins were and he was restocking the napkins and i said hi and he smiled and we chit chatted for a while and he was smiling the whole time and so was i. i didn't want to seem like a weirdo so i just told him to have a great night after we chatted. this guy is so cute to me. but i mean, i simply will not ask him to hang out again or ask him for his phone number again. i just feel like i got enough courage to to that when i first met him and he never responded. also when i see him, he never says anything like, "hey do you still have my number" or "hey what's yours" or "hey we should hang out" so i just keep things friendly and non-instrusive. i want to ask him out so bad but i just dont feel like being rejected again by someone that "isn't gay". am i doing the right thing? maybe he is waiting for me to take more initiative? i just feel like i already did that initially and that's how we met so i mean at this point, he can meet me half way if he is interested or gay. i'll just leave it alone. just kinda sucks when you are feeling someone and you have to act like you aren't.

[LivingLife]

Im proud of you! ive tried to get over this crush ive got many times but i just can't he's just too cute and amazing and nice! just a little advice have u asked him ever if he got a text message from you?? cuz this has happened to me with the guy i like we text and i thought half the time he stopped texting to me and i felt really sad and didnt say anything to him until recently i found out he has really bad signal at his house and he told me half the time he thought i was the one who didnt respond to his texts

[ArcherySet]

As a guy who is currently crushing on an amazing (and equally unavailable) straight guy who is a close friend, yeah I know the temptation and the silliness that can wrought upon your life with these feelings.

He makes me feel amazing. His smile sends me over the moon. I get these mixed signals. He helped me (this is just yours, mine helps me with weights) with my stroke. Blah blah blah. Your situation is a tad different, but at its core the same. It seems like we all wind up there at some point. Some of us just take longer to come around and face reality. Chasing after someone who doesn't show an obvious mutual interest usually leads nowhere, or to disaster.

I'm glad you had more sense than I do!

[insidehappy]

thanks guys. you have helped me stay on teh straiaght and narrow. im will continue to refuse any intrusive flirting with him. i will just continue to say hi to him at starbucks and that's it. if he wants anything more i think he knows that i would be interestesd. i've done enuff. focusing on the 100% gays.

[JIM22]

[/QUOTE]even though i know that i am not wrong about some of these guys, if they are deeply closeted like that and living these double lives, well i just dont want to be a part of that because it probably means they are not ok with tehir sexuality or they have reduced their interest in men down to the lowest common denonminator....SEX.


and there are a lot of guys that do that so they can deal with being gay. they can hookup with other guys and not have any attachment because i guess in tehir minds they can still be "straight" as long as they do not have emotional connections and its just physical and meaningless.

however, i do not want someone like that. i do not have a problem with someone wanting to be discreet or if they are in the closet too that's fine. im kinda in the closet a lot myself. but when you are so in the closet that you can't express that you like someone when it's clear they like you and you like them, well then, i do not have time for that and it will only hurt my esteem and make me feel bad about myself. i'd rather meet someone where i atleast know from the start that they are interested in me and i do not have to play those games only to end up as someone they want to probably just have sex with anyway.[/QUOTE]

Just wanted to say that I COMPLETELY agree with all these sentiments, it makes feel a lot better and self-assured to know that others feel the same way

As someone who's been burned in the past, it's so difficult to then have feelings for someone else who's completely sitting on the fence, wherever to hang in there, wait for an opportunity to tell him how you feel or just let go..

[Jim1454]

I think this is the right approach. He works in the service industry - so if he's going to be good at his job he's going to be friendly with customers. It might be nothing more than this - so it's wise to let it go.