I'm a mess now, wish I'd never said it.

[AuburnOctopus]

I told my friend a few days ago (she's like a mum to me) that I think I'm gay, but not 100% sure. I couldn't even say it out loud, I had to write her a note and disappear while she read it.. she was fine, it was fine, but I just couldn't talk, she tried to be helpful and supportive (offering to come to gay bars with me to help me figure it out! lol) and I just wouldn't talk to her. I couldn't. I didn't want to cry in front of her.

So I emailed her the next day explaining everything a bit more and apologising for not talking to her the night before and she said it was all fine and maybe I should see my doctor. For some reason that made me angry and I told her it's not an illness and to just forget it. She replied saying 'i dont know why you're being like that.. etc.etc. but if thats the way you feel then fine..' I feel like such a bitch!! I have apologised but, eughh..
I hate myself, she's going to hate me for being a messed up bitch. I'm dreading tomorrow, I see her most days. I'm going to lose my best friends over this. I really considered suicide tonight.

---------- Post added 30th Jan 2012 at 11:56 AM ----------

I just want everything to be normal again. I just cried into my dinner and I never cry.

[Sunsetting]

she won't hate you. i sincerely believe she will understand that you're going through a lot.
even though you don't know me, trust me.

you're very courageous, hang in there. peace missy

[AuburnOctopus]

Thanks, I'm distracting myself with internet things and I'm feeling a bit better. I won't go killing myself just yet.

[silverhalo]

Hey I can understand how you feel but im sure she will forgive you. Im sure she only meant well by saying perhaps you should go to the doctors. I also like you find it really hard to talk to people face to face, perhaps you could talk to her about it via email, or msn until you feel a bit more comfortable, this is what I did when I first came out.

[Roland85]

There is nothing to see a doctor for. You are what you are, and there is nothing wrong with it. It's as simple as that.

[Jordash]

Suicide is bad. I know, I've concidered it for this same reason, and trust me. Its not the best way to go about this. You will be fine, as will she. You guys will start talking and she will help you out a lot.

[Hana Solo]

You're touchy now, and she's trying to absorb it. Give both of you time. I'm sure she'll be good for you it sounds like she took it really well

My mum asked if I felt like I was gay because I've had bad experiences with Dad and a boy I fell in love with or because I liked girls, and I felt offended. But at least she's trying to understand.

Moral of the story is people who don't understand will make erranous assumptions. If you keep your head when they do and explain it calmly they'll understand more and make them less

[AuburnOctopus]

Thanks for the support everyone
Everything's fine now, I saw her the next day and she gave me a massive hug and said she understood I was angry and it's ok.
She is trying to understand, she asked me yesterday what she should call it, like she thought 'gay' might be offensive, lol, I just said anything as long as she doesn't call me bent! I don't think she knows any other gay people, not well anyway.

[Sunsetting]

what's wrong with bent? i'm a little bent lol

[Ace17]

Originally Posted by Jordash

Suicide is bad. I know, I've concidered it for this same reason, and trust me. Its not the best way to go about this. You will be fine, as will she. You guys will start talking and she will help you out a lot.

sadness... I'm srry u felt that bad....

---------- Post added 2nd Feb 2012 at 03:28 PM ----------

Originally Posted by AuburnOctopus

I told my friend a few days ago (she's like a mum to me) that I think I'm gay, but not 100% sure. I couldn't even say it out loud, I had to write her a note and disappear while she read it.. she was fine, it was fine, but I just couldn't talk, she tried to be helpful and supportive (offering to come to gay bars with me to help me figure it out! lol) and I just wouldn't talk to her. I couldn't. I didn't want to cry in front of her.

So I emailed her the next day explaining everything a bit more and apologising for not talking to her the night before and she said it was all fine and maybe I should see my doctor. For some reason that made me angry and I told her it's not an illness and to just forget it. She replied saying 'i dont know why you're being like that.. etc.etc. but if thats the way you feel then fine..' I feel like such a bitch!! I have apologised but, eughh..
I hate myself, she's going to hate me for being a messed up bitch. I'm dreading tomorrow, I see her most days. I'm going to lose my best friends over this. I really considered suicide tonight.

---------- Post added 30th Jan 2012 at 11:56 AM ----------

I just want everything to be normal again. I just cried into my dinner and I never cry.

Hope things work out for you.