Just told my dad! - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

jsmurf · 31st Jan 2012, 01:24 PM

Just told my dad by phone. Said he's worried for me and not particularly thrilled, but that he loves me and doesnt want me to fret over it. He agreed that it's a bad idea to inform my mom at this juncture, seeing that her nerves are quite fragile and she is already under alot of stress. And like my friends, he said he was totally taken by surprise.

He recommended i see a licensed therapist to discuss my conflicted plans to have a traditional marriage vs my orientation. He said he'll always support and love me.

Ace17 · 31st Jan 2012, 01:29 PM

Congratulations!

Chouchou · 31st Jan 2012, 01:30 PM

That's wonderful. Congratulations! Hope everything turns out well, and keep us posted if you wish

.

Roland85 · 31st Jan 2012, 05:53 PM

Wait, what? Traditional marriage? Why the hell?

thecat06 · 31st Jan 2012, 09:45 PM

Congrats!!

No One · 31st Jan 2012, 09:48 PM

You deserve some dancing bananas!

(! )

**Eleanor Rigby** · 1st Feb 2012, 12:44 AM

Congratulations for coming out to your dad !
Now, his suggestion for you to see a therapist seems to be a good idea, as long as he doesn't mean any kind of "reparative therapy therapist". But it can only help you to see a therapist, if possible someone who's LGBT friendly and has experience in working with LGBT people.
Maybe that would be a good idea to contact a PFLAG chapter in your area too. They may provide you help and support and they probably keep records of helpful resources in your area.
Take care, Cécile

**TheEdend** · 1st Feb 2012, 08:45 AM

That's a really great response! Congrats!!!

Quote:

He recommended i see a licensed therapist to discuss my conflicted plans to have a traditional marriage vs my orientation.

What do you mean by this? Are you planning on getting married to a women even though you are gay or?

jake v · 1st Feb 2012, 08:46 AM

Congrats on tellinf him, my parents wanted me to speak with a therapist as well to talk about religion and such but it was actually a relaxing and almost fun to just get to talk about me. I would go with your fathers wishes and talk with someone, there's nothin to be afraid of.

jsmurf · 3rd Feb 2012, 08:15 PM

Dad's gonna tell my mom this weekend.

Crossing my fingers that she wont flip out

---------- Post added 3rd Feb 2012 at 08:17 PM ----------

Marlowe · 4th Feb 2012, 04:30 PM

Congrats. I know this was a really big step for you, and being in a similar situation, I know how much courage it took. As you go, through life, never forget this moment, and the chutzpah it took to get here. If you can do it once, you have proven to yourself how strong you can be. I would agree with your dad. I am seeing a counselor right now, and it has been really helpful in my struggle to find balance in my life. I hope all goes well with your mom.

LOTRgirl · 4th Feb 2012, 04:32 PM

Congrats on this!! And here's some hugs and support on the whole telling your mom!! Keep us posted!!

jsmurf · 4th Feb 2012, 07:52 PM

Yeah, my mom is rather unpredictable and very moody. I'm dreading how she'll react. I also know that she doesn't like the fact that I moved out of the house a couple months ago, and thinks it's "abnormal" for someone to live in the same city as their parents but not at home unless they're 30 or over.

My dad doesn't really have the same worries, but it drives me insane to think that my Mom views me as a little baby.

---------- Post added 4th Feb 2012 at 08:10 PM ----------

Just as an update.. My dad just called, said he's disclosed it to my Mom. My mom is quite upset and brooding. I couldn't feel any worse right now. :/

But my dad was trying to reassure me before hanging up that "don't worry, it will pass."

mnguy · 5th Feb 2012, 06:41 PM

Oh, that's too bad she couldn't be supportive. Congrats on coming out to your dad though.

**Gerry** · 5th Feb 2012, 06:57 PM

Firstly, congrats on coming out and for your dad taking it so well. As far as your mom goes, I'm sure it will pass. Sometimes it's hard for parents to accept something like this but if he thinks it will pass, he's probably right about it. Just be strong and be yourself.

jimL · 5th Feb 2012, 07:08 PM

She needs time to process the news. She deserves the time. Be patient. In the long run she will still love you. Moms will always love there children no matter what.

jsmurf · 6th Feb 2012, 12:23 AM

Mom called me today in a happy loving tone and inquired about my plans for the day and whether i was going hungry. No mention of that topic at all.

Ianthe · 6th Feb 2012, 12:29 AM

Congrats on being out to your parents. Don't worry too much about your mom. She'll come around. It might just take a little while before she's comfortable to talk about it.

If you are still planning on the traditional marriage thing, I think you should definitely follow your dad's advice and talk to a counselor about it. Everyone I've ever talked to who did anything like that regretted it profoundly.

jsmurf · 6th Feb 2012, 12:35 AM

I know. For me it's a tough decision to make because im not fully gay, but more than half. 70/30, in that vicinity.

Ianthe · 6th Feb 2012, 12:45 AM

Oh.
Do you mean that you are attracted to more men than women, or that you are attracted to men more intensely than you are to women?

31st Jan 2012, 01:24 PM	#1
jsmurf Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: 4 on the Kinsey Scale Out Status: parents, brother and several friends Location: Near Seattle, WA Age: 23 Posts: 231 Join Date: Sep 2011	Just told my dad! Just told my dad by phone. Said he's worried for me and not particularly thrilled, but that he loves me and doesnt want me to fret over it. He agreed that it's a bad idea to inform my mom at this juncture, seeing that her nerves are quite fragile and she is already under alot of stress. And like my friends, he said he was totally taken by surprise. He recommended i see a licensed therapist to discuss my conflicted plans to have a traditional marriage vs my orientation. He said he'll always support and love me.

31st Jan 2012, 01:29 PM	#2
Ace17 Sometimes Ignorance is NOT bliss. Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian ♀♀ Out Status: Ask me about it. Location: New York State. Age: 17 Posts: 766 Join Date: Jan 2012	Re: Just told my dad! Congratulations! __________________ "Love is like the air we breathe. It may not always be seen, but it is always felt, used and needed." "Love knows no race, gender, or age. Love only knows the heart that is within."

31st Jan 2012, 01:30 PM	#3
Chouchou Warrior Goddess Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Homosexual (asexual?) and mostly homoromantic Out Status: To some friends, but not to family Location: Wisconsin, USA Age: 26 Posts: 1,109 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: Just told my dad! That's wonderful. Congratulations! Hope everything turns out well, and keep us posted if you wish . __________________ "The good neighbor looks beyond the external accidents and discerns those inner qualities that make all men human and, therefore, brothers." -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

31st Jan 2012, 05:53 PM	#4
Roland85 Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Bloomington Posts: 14 Join Date: Jan 2012	Re: Just told my dad! Wait, what? Traditional marriage? Why the hell?

31st Jan 2012, 09:45 PM	#5
thecat06 EC's Biggest LNJF and SNL fan!! Full Member Gender: Let's say Pangender! Orientation: Let's say gay!! Out Status: Out to parents, campus, and 75 friends on facebook Location: Central and Northern Ohio Age: 19 Posts: 2,504 Join Date: Jun 2011	Re: Just told my dad! Congrats!! __________________ So many years have passed, since I proclaimed my independence, my mission, my aim, and my vision, so secure, content to live each day like it's my last, it's wonderful to know, that I could be, something more than what I dreamed, far beyond what I could see -Dream Theater

31st Jan 2012, 09:48 PM	#6
No One Eternally Male Crazed! Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Unofficially out to everyone but my family. Age: 18 Posts: 1,021 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: Just told my dad! You deserve some dancing bananas! (! ) __________________

1st Feb 2012, 12:44 AM	#7
Eleanor Rigby Filip's sidekick EC Advisor Gender: Female Orientation: Straight Out Status: Out as straight ally Location: France Age: 32 Posts: 5,401 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Just told my dad! Congratulations for coming out to your dad ! Now, his suggestion for you to see a therapist seems to be a good idea, as long as he doesn't mean any kind of "reparative therapy therapist". But it can only help you to see a therapist, if possible someone who's LGBT friendly and has experience in working with LGBT people. Maybe that would be a good idea to contact a PFLAG chapter in your area too. They may provide you help and support and they probably keep records of helpful resources in your area. Take care, Cécile __________________ "Act in such a way that you treat humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of another, always at the same time as an end and never simply as a means." Immanuel Kant

1st Feb 2012, 08:46 AM	#9
jake v Member Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: yup, i'm gay Out Status: Family and close friends Location: pittsburgh Age: 21 Posts: 96 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: Just told my dad! Congrats on tellinf him, my parents wanted me to speak with a therapist as well to talk about religion and such but it was actually a relaxing and almost fun to just get to talk about me. I would go with your fathers wishes and talk with someone, there's nothin to be afraid of. __________________ Don't take life too seriously, you'll never make it out alive. Heb 13: 6, So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

3rd Feb 2012, 08:15 PM	#10
jsmurf Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: 4 on the Kinsey Scale Out Status: parents, brother and several friends Location: Near Seattle, WA Age: 23 Posts: 231 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: Just told my dad! Dad's gonna tell my mom this weekend. Crossing my fingers that she wont flip out ---------- Post added 3rd Feb 2012 at 08:17 PM ----------

4th Feb 2012, 04:30 PM	#11
Marlowe Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: The people who matter Age: 22 Posts: 247 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: Just told my dad! Congrats. I know this was a really big step for you, and being in a similar situation, I know how much courage it took. As you go, through life, never forget this moment, and the chutzpah it took to get here. If you can do it once, you have proven to yourself how strong you can be. I would agree with your dad. I am seeing a counselor right now, and it has been really helpful in my struggle to find balance in my life. I hope all goes well with your mom.

4th Feb 2012, 04:32 PM	#12
LOTRgirl Member Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Out to 3 people Location: Florida Age: 20 Posts: 57 Join Date: Jan 2012	Re: Just told my dad! Congrats on this!! And here's some hugs and support on the whole telling your mom!! Keep us posted!! __________________ Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.

4th Feb 2012, 07:52 PM	#13
jsmurf Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: 4 on the Kinsey Scale Out Status: parents, brother and several friends Location: Near Seattle, WA Age: 23 Posts: 231 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: Just told my dad! Yeah, my mom is rather unpredictable and very moody. I'm dreading how she'll react. I also know that she doesn't like the fact that I moved out of the house a couple months ago, and thinks it's "abnormal" for someone to live in the same city as their parents but not at home unless they're 30 or over. My dad doesn't really have the same worries, but it drives me insane to think that my Mom views me as a little baby. ---------- Post added 4th Feb 2012 at 08:10 PM ---------- Just as an update.. My dad just called, said he's disclosed it to my Mom. My mom is quite upset and brooding. I couldn't feel any worse right now. :/ But my dad was trying to reassure me before hanging up that "don't worry, it will pass."

5th Feb 2012, 06:41 PM	#14
mnguy EC Regular Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: People likely assume Location: MN Age: 36 Posts: 895 Join Date: Nov 2006	Re: Just told my dad! Oh, that's too bad she couldn't be supportive. Congrats on coming out to your dad though.

5th Feb 2012, 06:57 PM	#15
Gerry We're all a little mad! EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: Las Vegas Age: 24 Posts: 5,551 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: Just told my dad! Firstly, congrats on coming out and for your dad taking it so well. As far as your mom goes, I'm sure it will pass. Sometimes it's hard for parents to accept something like this but if he thinks it will pass, he's probably right about it. Just be strong and be yourself. __________________ "Everybody's journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality".-James Baldwin

5th Feb 2012, 07:08 PM	#16
jimL I Can't Even Think Straight Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Sexy hot guys Out Status: Family, friends, work, anyone who asks!!!! Location: Oregon, USA Posts: 308 Join Date: May 2011	Re: Just told my dad! She needs time to process the news. She deserves the time. Be patient. In the long run she will still love you. Moms will always love there children no matter what. __________________ Jim Learning to love who I am! And no longer ashamed to be gay!!!!!

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6th Feb 2012, 12:23 AM	#17
jsmurf Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: 4 on the Kinsey Scale Out Status: parents, brother and several friends Location: Near Seattle, WA Age: 23 Posts: 231 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: Just told my dad! Mom called me today in a happy loving tone and inquired about my plans for the day and whether i was going hungry. No mention of that topic at all.

6th Feb 2012, 12:29 AM	#18
Ianthe EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female/Femme Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Oregon Age: 32 Posts: 1,085 Join Date: Feb 2011	Re: Just told my dad! Congrats on being out to your parents. Don't worry too much about your mom. She'll come around. It might just take a little while before she's comfortable to talk about it. If you are still planning on the traditional marriage thing, I think you should definitely follow your dad's advice and talk to a counselor about it. Everyone I've ever talked to who did anything like that regretted it profoundly.

6th Feb 2012, 12:35 AM	#19
jsmurf Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: 4 on the Kinsey Scale Out Status: parents, brother and several friends Location: Near Seattle, WA Age: 23 Posts: 231 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: Just told my dad! I know. For me it's a tough decision to make because im not fully gay, but more than half. 70/30, in that vicinity.

6th Feb 2012, 12:45 AM	#20
Ianthe EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female/Femme Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Oregon Age: 32 Posts: 1,085 Join Date: Feb 2011	Re: Just told my dad! Oh. Do you mean that you are attracted to more men than women, or that you are attracted to men more intensely than you are to women?