Just Identified Myself As MtF

[Metal]

Ever since I joined this forum i've been putting a lot of thought into the subject every day and night, and its something that i've been unintentionally distracting myself with video games ever since I was a kid. This morning it just snapped to me after I came out of the shower and I just knew that I was m2f instead of being unsure about it...

I'm someone who has been subconsciously suppressing emotions (unwillingly?) for around a decade now... and all day i've felt like i've had a crack in my unwanted emotional blanket... I've almost felt like crying many times all day just from random m2f thoughts and even reading posts on these boards... I feel like they may be tears of joy trying to come out but I can't stop myself from holding them in and I just wanna let it out and I can't stand it.

I feel lost and even while typing this topic i've been holding it in with goosebumps behind my neck, I haven't been so emotional since my old dog died a couple years ago.

I don't know what i'm doing with this topic, I just have to let it out a little bit in the form of a topic.

[No One]

I think that is wonderful! Nothing is better than being sure of yourself, and it is one of the best feelings in the world.

Congrats on making this HUGE step.

[Ianthe]

Congratulations! Coming out to yourself is a very important step, and for many of us the very hardest.

[djstcktn326]

Awww congratulations, Metal. I'm so happy for ya. I'm a little confused about my gender though.

---------- Post added 31st Jan 2012 at 08:16 PM ----------

But if this how you truly then you should love yourself. I know what that lost feeling is like, I really do. I was very socially isolated as child, but now that I'm starting to explore myself, I'm starting to get better. It just takes time, you'll figure this out. And if you ever need anyone to talk to, you can always talk to me.

---------- Post added 31st Jan 2012 at 08:17 PM ----------

[kiersten]

Congrats on coming out to yourself! It is a really hard first step, believe me, I know. I came out to myself at about the age of 25, & I still struggled with it until last year, when I finally started coming out to all of my friends. It is really scary at times, & you will still probably have doubts, I still even do, but you have already taken that first step! Nice to see another Canadian here too! If you ever have any questions, never hesitate to ask here on EC! We are all here to support you! If you want to message me any time, I'll do what I can to help!

[Metal]

I have no social life so I only have to worry about my family and employment... I believe i'm an unusual case that may not pass for HRT, probably one of the main reasons why "coming out to myself" had such a strong impact on me yesterday...

[Hot Pink]

Honestly, Metal, you'll be surprised at what hormones can do for you. As the old saying goes, hormones: they work!

This is a very personal process, though. Come out when you feel comfortable. I didn't come out until I was 26 and I knew I wanted to be a girl since I was 13. I just hope it doesn't take you 13 years...

[Metal]

Originally Posted by Hot Pink

Honestly, Metal, you'll be surprised at what hormones can do for you. As the old saying goes, hormones: they work!

This is a very personal process, though. Come out when you feel comfortable. I didn't come out until I was 26 and I knew I wanted to be a girl since I was 13. I just hope it doesn't take you 13 years...

I've been wanting to be physically female as a fantasy ever since I was in middleschool but never put much thought into it untill I got into my 20's. I learned about HRT a few years ago but always dismissed it as it isn't the real thing. I've been getting more desperate over the last couple years and especially during the last few months, ever since this year started i've been putting more thought into it than ever before while getting a bit more desperate for it every day.

.

[Hot Pink]

Are you in school right now? If you are, make an appointment with the counseling center. Talk with them about this and hopefully they can help you find a qualified therapist near you.

[Metal]

Originally Posted by Hot Pink

Are you in school right now? If you are, make an appointment with the counseling center. Talk with them about this and hopefully they can help you find a qualified therapist near you.

I haven't taken any courses yet because i'm still undecided, but there is a gender therapist in my town according to this topic on another forum.

[Hot Pink]

Well, then you already have more of a lead than most do in your situation.

[maverick]

I'm someone who has been subconsciously suppressing emotions (unwillingly?) for around a decade now... and all day i've felt like i've had a crack in my unwanted emotional blanket... I've almost felt like crying many times all day just from random m2f thoughts and even reading posts on these boards... I feel like they may be tears of joy trying to come out but I can't stop myself from holding them in and I just wanna let it out and I can't stand it.

I felt exactly like this when I came out to myself as transgendered, it's like I was completely overwhelmed emotionally after a decade of being stoic and shoving down my feelings about it. And like you, I couldn't tell whether they were tears of joy/relief, or terror, or grief, or what.

I was big into escapism growing up too, protecting myself in video games, books, movies, etc...so I completely understand where you're coming from there too.



You know what they say...first step is always the hardest.

[kiersten]

Originally Posted by Metal

I've been wanting to be physically female as a fantasy ever since I was in middleschool but never put much thought into it untill I got into my 20's. I learned about HRT a few years ago but always dismissed it as it isn't the real thing. I've been getting more desperate over the last couple years and especially during the last few months, ever since this year started i've been putting more thought into it than ever before while getting a bit more desperate for it every day.

.

Hot Pink is so right, hormones can do a lot of things youd be surprised of! I just got my HRT prescription on Monday & Im heading to the pharmacy today to get it filled, so I cant wait! Ive known I was a girl since I was 6, & I didnt come out until I was 35 just this past June, so Im glad you didnt wait as long as I did to come out to yourself. I was about your age when I came out to myself but then I was scared to go any further. Believe me, dont let fear run your life, youll never be happy if you do, trust me, I really do know. Its scary at first, but once you decide to take that step to transition, it helps a bit. But always go at your own pace & let yourself decide what you are ready for!