I Think I Have Jealousy Issues

[TMP32891]

First off, I want to say I really love my boyfriend a lot, but I am hitting a rough patch with him lately. For a while his Driver's license was suspended due to unpaid tickets, and he just paid them last week, and now he's been hanging out with his other friends, and I feel like he's pushing me to the side, and I am not too happy with it. Almost every time we talk on the phone he cuts me off because he's with his friends, and it's like every time he's around his family & friends I'm not important at all. Is this just me being jealous of him or do you guys think I deserve better. My family believes that I deserve better because they believe he takes my money (which he doesn't). Every time I spend money with him it is of my own free will.

[TheEdend]

That's a tough one since we don't really know everything else that might be going on so keep that in mind while you read the rest.

Have you talked to him about it? Have you told him everything that you just told us? There is such a thing as giving someoen their own space and allowing them to live their lives, but if he constantly blows you off and doesn't make time for you, then you have to talk to him and let him know what he feels. If, after you talking to him, he still doesn't change then you might want to start thinking about what you want from a relationship and if this guys is giving it to you.

Keep in mind that there are things that you can do to spend time with him without having to make him choose between friends/family or you. Have you tried hanging out with his friends or family?

[TMP32891]

Originally Posted by TheEdend

That's a tough one since we don't really know everything else that might be going on so keep that in mind while you read the rest.

Have you talked to him about it? Have you told him everything that you just told us? There is such a thing as giving someoen their own space and allowing them to live their lives, but if he constantly blows you off and doesn't make time for you, then you have to talk to him and let him know what he feels. If, after you talking to him, he still doesn't change then you might want to start thinking about what you want from a relationship and if this guys is giving it to you.

Keep in mind that there are things that you can do to spend time with him without having to make him choose between friends/family or you. Have you tried hanging out with his friends or family?

I have talked to him about it, and he says that I'm jealous, and that it's just because I miss him a lot. He is not out at all, so I don't know his friends or family.

[TheEdend]

Originally Posted by TMP32891

I have talked to him about it, and he says that I'm jealous, and that it's just because I miss him a lot. He is not out at all, so I don't know his friends or family.

Mhmm, that changes the whole situation then.

If you have talked to him about it and he pretty much brushed it off by making you at fault, then chances are that he doesn't have a problem with how the relationship is going right now and that he doesn't have any desire to change things. On top of that he is closeted so that also automatically makes him have to hide you, which based on your thread it sounds that its starting to take its toll on you.

Do you think you can keep going if things don't change between you guys? If not, then, as hard as it is, you might want to start thinking about breaking up with him and finding someone else who can offer you what you want from a relationship. It is tough, but sometimes things just don't work out between people.

[CrazyAntFarm]

Originally Posted by TMP32891

First off, I want to say I really love my boyfriend a lot, but I am hitting a rough patch with him lately. For a while his Driver's license was suspended due to unpaid tickets, and he just paid them last week, and now he's been hanging out with his other friends, and I feel like he's pushing me to the side, and I am not too happy with it. Almost every time we talk on the phone he cuts me off because he's with his friends, and it's like every time he's around his family & friends I'm not important at all. Is this just me being jealous of him or do you guys think I deserve better. My family believes that I deserve better because they believe he takes my money (which he doesn't). Every time I spend money with him it is of my own free will.

What you're going through is normal for closeted relationships, and it bothers you because you're not closeted. This is what happens when one partner is not completely open, and that's why relationships like this are trying unless both partners have an understanding.

Since he's closeted, you have to understand that having extended conversations with you over the phone while he's around his friends or family puts him at risk of being outed. Or at least, that's how he probably feels - even if it's an irrational fear at times. It doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't care about you.

It's hard to really say if you deserve better or not because there's not enough information here. Ultimately, you are the best one to answer that question. However, for whatever reason, you decided to enter into a relationship with him knowing that he is still closeted, so that should count for something, right? It meant that you cared enough to be with him regardless of that fact.

If you don't mind me asking, does he have a good reason to remain closeted? And how long have you two been together?