Still Crushing, Still Questioning. Any advice?

[Trixxster]

Okay, a bit of explaining on my part is necessary, so this may be a bit long winded.

I'm a female, I'm questioning and I'm fifteen. I've never kissed a guy yet or dated a guy yet. Okay, I think it's been about a year that I've been crushing on one of my best friends (girl). It's my first 'real' crush. I was crushing really hard (Eg. I wanted to wrap my arm around her waist and kiss her on the lips) and it wouldn't go away. I told her about it and she was quite understanding and accepting even though she's straight. I also came out to my mom that I was crushing on her and very confused and my mom told me it's my hormones and something all teens go through and that I won't know for sure until I date a guy. She keeps re-assuring me that I'm not gay, but I'm still not sure, because I've thought other girls were hot. Well, they were cartoon characters, but don't all teens do that sometimes?

Okay, back to my friend. Anyways, I had thought at first summer vacation would help end the crush and for a while I thought it had, but then my feelings came back, first subtly and then strongly. I know we aren't compatible (personality wise we always butt heads because were both very strong willed and opinionated) we're good friends and pretty much all our other friends are mutual (I wouldn't want to ruin that with us dating and then most likely breaking up) and she is definitely straight. The problem is I'm still crushing hard on her and I don't want to tell her because I've bothered her enough with this whole 'questioning' thing and I know if I tell my mom I'll just get told I'm not gay.

Will this crush ever go away? It's been forever, and my heart still hammers when I'm near her and I still want to kiss her and give her a back massage. Also, as I said before I have thought some female characters from cartoons were hot, but I've never been attracted to another girl or boy before. It might be though that since I judge a lot based on personality and I pretty much dislike everyone until I know them better, that I've never liked anyone else because I don't know them well enough.

I'm really confused. It's annoying being around her and feeling awkward because I'm *still*crushing on her. What do I do?

Sorry if I rambled, please tell me if anything here was unclear or if there's something you'd like expanded upon.

[phospholipase]

Yes, teens and even adults think cartoon characters are hot.

Yes, the crush will go away. My advice is to only fall in love with someone who can and will reciprocate the same feelings. I've been around the block many, many times, and none of them ever end up happy. When you chase for things that cannot be attained, you surely set yourself up for disappointment, jealously, and anger. Get out of there as soon as possible.

[Chouchou]

Oh, yes, adults as well as teens can find cartoon/anime characters hot. I certainly do, as I have several anime girl crushes (see my avatar/sig pic ).

More to your main point, though: The crush may be strong now, but it will fade with time. Like phospholipase said, you should not try to pursue a relationship (deeper than friendship) with her, as all indications are that it will not work out: she is straight, and you indicated that you two have clashing personalities, which never bodes well. If you wish to quit thinking of her, you can try to distract yourself each time the feeling comes up; after a while, thoughts of her will become less frequent and intense.

[TheEdend]

Welcome to EC!

I'll touch on your questioning first. From your post, and your long standing crush, its pretty clear that you are in fact gay and there is nothing wrong with that Your mom is right when she says that a lot of teens go through a phase of experimentation or "confusion", but that phase never lasts for extended periods of time and they don't make you so confused that you start thinking that you are gay. You also don't have to be with a guy in order to know. Its one of those things that you just know without having to experience it or without needing the approval of anyone else.

In all, yes, your are right in thinking that you are gay. Your mom might not understand it, but give her time and she will get it eventually

As for your crush, it will go away with time. What has worked for me in the past is to "fake it till you make it" approach. In essence, convince yourself that you don't have a crush and it will make it easier for it to go away with time. Of course its not that easy, but it can help a lot. Another thing to do is to get busy! Volunteer, get really into your studies and meet new people. Best way to get your mind off of someone

[Chickzak]

Hii
I totally get where you're coming from.. its so tough trying to work out if you're even a lesbian or bi, if you're crushing, it just confuses you a little and makes you unsure about your sexuality; at least thats the case with me, I have a few crushes and I wonder if its just a phase I'm going through or being a lesbian is really me.

Firstly, well done for taking the first couple of steps and talking to your mum and your best friend. I think its really cool to have the courage to talk about it and try to work it out with other people, so just keep doing that if it makes you feel better
Just a quick question, how long have you known your best friend and what do you reckon was the sort of.. turning point when you realised you might like her more than as friends?

I agree with TheEdend, you dont have to have have kissed or dated a guy or girl to know how you feel, I suppose you just can feel it. So, I reckon you're right in thinking you're attracted to girls. If labels make you feel secure, I think you might consider yourself as a lesbian, not to totally freak you out, if you dont much like labels then I say just roll with how you feel, get to know other people, guys and girls and if you're attracted to them... and you're really ok with how you're feeling, spend a little time with them and see how you feel after that.

I kinda disagree with the comments about trying hard not 2 crush on your friend.. its so hard not to be overpowererd by these feelings. Like if you have a crush, its difficult for it just to go.. crazily intense but perhaps you just need to give it time and it will fade itself. I can defo relate to you when crushing, when I have a crush, its almost like I cant even think about anything else., and I just have to talk to the girl to stop myself from going crazy.. =S ! But in time, the feelings fade a little, though they dont really ever go completely. They're just... there So I wouldnt try to force them out your head.. just hopefully be patient and you'll like her more just as a friend and not so much anything more. Or you can think of it as being just friends, because from her point of view, its really unlikely for your relationship to be anymore.. if that makes any kind of sense :P Hopefully in telling yourself that, the feelings will fade.. hopefully xD

Oh, almost forget, .. heyy welcome to EC!!! You'll make loads of friends here, its a great place xD

[Trixxster]

Thanks for all the great advice guys! Also, Chickzak, thanks for the warm welcome! I'll keep all this in mind.

[Trixxster]

Originally Posted by Chickzak

Hii
Just a quick question, how long have you known your best friend and what do you reckon was the sort of.. turning point when you realised you might like her more than as friends?

Alright, to answer your question, I've known her and my group of friends for roughly 2 and 1/2 years now, but they're the closest and most loyal, and trustworthy friends I've ever had, and she's the one I get along best with, despite the personality clash.

I don't know exactly when I became attracted to her, I just sort of realized one day in gym class when we were outside sitting on the grass how nice it would be to wrap my arm around her waist and pull her close to me and it then it just progressed from there.

Also, I must note, for everyone that my mom is totally cool with whatever sexuality I am, she just believes I should 'try out' a boy or two before I can be sure.