Whats the point....

[behind glass]

Well I'm gay, 16 years old and on Feb 3rd I will be 17 and I've been depressed and suicidal sence I was ten and I've been going down hill with my suicide thoughts, I am really getting tired of this feeling that is building up inside of me, for the last few days I haven't been able to even look at a guy without it feeling completely pointless. I've wanted to talk to one of my close friends but she doesn't seem to want to help anymore because I was talking about how I felt really bad one day and she said "its not that i don't want to help you anymore and I'm still here to listen but i really think you should talk to your parents about seeing a therapist" which in the midst of my self loathing feeling didn't make me feel all that great. I tried talking to another friend and he like tried to push me off on another friend so he didn't have to listen to me, I feel like no one cares anymore I want people to at least try to talk me out of my suicide thoughts but no one wants to help, along with the first thing I mentioned and some other stuff I just don't see the point in me living anymore. I feel so alone, worse than I normally do I don't feel like anything is worth doing if no one cares about me, I don't even feel like crying it would be a waste of energy.... I'm really considering just killing myself and just ending it all, everyone would be better off if I was dead because the ones that may care wouldn't have to worry about me anymore and the ones that don't want to at least let me vent to them wouldn't have to listen to me complaint about the same stupid problems over and over. I'm beginning to remember why I started bottling up my emotions and feelings and just burying them deep inside but that makes my mini panic attacks worse...

Any advice would be helpful if any can be offered to me

[No One]

First off, I am so sorry buddy that you are feeling this way. Taking your own life is never the answer, and I promise you that it get's better. I think what your friend was trying to tell you was that you may be at a point where she is worried she can't help anymore. Seeing a therapist is one of the best things you can do. It seems scary, but having someone there that is trained to handle these kind of feelings can make your life so much better.

Again, I am so sorry you are feeling this way, and I know it can be hard. Growing up gay is hard to handle when we live in a world that is so hostile towards the very idea of it, but there is so much good out there in the world that you will miss if you take your life now. I beg you to at least talk to your parents about how you are feeling. No matter what, they love you and will want to help.

Just remember It Gets Better

( *hug*)(* hug*)

[Sunsetting]

man, i know how you feel even though i'm like a million years older. i really hate that you feel that way. and i really appreciate you for sharing. not only are you really expressive, but you are so genuine and that is beautiful. i agree with "no one" who posted above. i don't think your friend was trying to push you off either, but to take getting you help to another level because she really DOES care for you and where you get the right help so you could feel better. i called a counselor for me this week, so think about talking with your parents about seeing a counselor too. it's one of the best ways to get back on track.

and i'll tell you, i don't know you, i've never seen you, i may never see you in person, but i am caring SO DEEPLY for you and about you. it's crazy how that can happen so quickly, just because you were open. thank you man. you're not alone and your life is so much more worthwhile than you may ever know and if i were there next to you i'd squeeze you so hard that we both might even cry.

hang in there and bro, let me know how it goes.

(((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))))))

you're my bro

[TraceElement]

Originally Posted by behind glass

I've wanted to talk to one of my close friends but she doesn't seem to want to help anymore because I was talking about how I felt really bad one day and she said "its not that i don't want to help you anymore and I'm still here to listen but i really think you should talk to your parents about seeing a therapist" which in the midst of my self loathing feeling didn't make me feel all that great.

This. I know you probably don't want to hear it, but I agree with your friend. She wants to see you get better. She may feel like she doesn't know HOW to help you, but knows that with help you can get better. A therapist is trained to deal with situations like this and, are good starting points to see what options will best fit you. Will it be easy? Probably not. I know my journey hasn't been easy. I have been seeing a therapist and taking meds for about 6 months, and while I have made strides in the right direction, I still have setbacks every now and again.
We at EC are always here to talk if you need us... and WE DO CARE! I know for a fact that it may not seem like anyone cares (hell, I was feeling that last night) but your friend wants you see you stick around and so do I. We all want you to stick around. You are a special person, even if it may not feel like it.