is this REALLY possible? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Rooni321 · 1st Feb 2012, 09:34 AM

I was wondering if it really is possible to condition yourself to feel one way about something but believe something else.

That doesn't make sense so I'll stop beating around the bush and just say it.

I've always hated bisexuality. I had that idea that you need to pick one side and stick to it and that was my SOLID stance since the 7th grade.
But as you can see, listed as my orientation is 'Everything'. That is because I discovered something new about myself. But given my mindset and beliefs about bisexuality, I can barely admit it to myself.
So that leaves me in this awkward place because I might be bi but I find myself hating it because I have this idea that I have to be all the way straight or all the way gay. But that doesn't feel right. I'm not all the way gay and I'm sure as hell not all the way straight. So one day I'll be depressed because I'll be a zero on the kinsey scale and a 6 on another. But the only thing that feels right is being bi. But I've always hated bisexuality so I hate myself! Idk how to go about accepting myself!!! I know I'm bi but that word sends chills down my spine. Saying it out loud is even worse! I feel like less because I'm bi -_-

This also sucks because I'm in a relationship and idk if its fair that I feel this way sometimes. Well, I just don't know how to deal with these feelings while being in a same sex relationship. It feels like cheating! Like I'm cheating myself too.

Idk, I was on the road to accepting it last night but its still killing me a little.
Is this even possible?!? Ughhh

Hot Pink · 1st Feb 2012, 09:41 AM

I believe that the word you're looking for to describe what you're feeling is called pansexuality. That literally means everything: male, female, transsexual, gender queer, bi-gendered, etc. It means your sexuality is not limited to the gender binary.

Rooni321 · 1st Feb 2012, 09:44 AM

Well you see I am bi. That's the thing. I just never liked it so its hard accepting it.

When I say everything I mean gay, straight, bi

Hot Pink · 1st Feb 2012, 09:56 AM

So you're bi and hate being bi. Well, I'm not sure what else to say other than you have to do your best to accept it. After all, it's only a small part of you in the grand scheme of your life.

DhammaGamer · 1st Feb 2012, 10:30 AM

Imagine your bisexuality as a small child hiding in a dark corner of your mind. And for years you have been yelling at that child, chastising it, hurting it. You make it feel sad about itself.

But now you've had a chance to look closer and you see that the child has your face. And you realize that the pain the child has been feeling is actually your pain.

So pick up the child and hug it, hold it, comfort it. Love the child. Love yourself. Love your bisexuality. Own it. Nourish it. Be at peace with it.

Compassion cures all suffering.

Chickzak · 1st Feb 2012, 10:46 AM

Sounds crazy, like you are you're own worst enemy

I'm a little in the same boat as you, so all I can say is just read around forums on EC and hopefully you'll warm to the idea of being bi. That's what I was advised, I really hope it works for you

<3

Jerseyboy · 1st Feb 2012, 11:35 AM

I kinda know what you mean. In my deepest stage of denial, I tried conditioning myself to be straight. I was at the point where I figured if I could just somehow train myself to respond physically to girls, like I did to guys, id be set...yeah didn't work out so well. All I got was frustration and a longer road to acceptance. Sorry but I really don't think it is, even as bi =/ good luck to you though, and don't forget, we're alway here =)

**Lexington** · 1st Feb 2012, 11:50 AM

I'm not bisexual, but I'd like to think I wouldn't have any trouble being bisexual. As a gay guy, I'm attracted to both rather athletic guys, and rather roundish hairy guys, and geeky guys. I don't feel the need to choose one type to be attracted to. As it turns out, I'm partnered with a rather roundish guy. But I don't feel that means I have to pretend athletic guys don't turn me on. And in fact, I probably look more at athletic guys now than I did before, by sheer fact of already having the round guy at home.

But I don't feel the need to act on it. I can say "yeah, he's hot", then go home with my partner. And I think that's true of bisexuals as well.

Lex

malachite · 1st Feb 2012, 12:06 PM

it may not even be the bi-sexual thing.

Just changing what you believed to something else is hard for people, God just look at the politics going on right now.

1st Feb 2012, 09:34 AM	#1
Rooni321 EC's Hopeless Romantic Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: gay, str8, bi Out Status: Out to everyone Location: San Francisco, California <3 Age: 17 Posts: 1,321 Join Date: Oct 2011	is this REALLY possible? I was wondering if it really is possible to condition yourself to feel one way about something but believe something else. That doesn't make sense so I'll stop beating around the bush and just say it. I've always hated bisexuality. I had that idea that you need to pick one side and stick to it and that was my SOLID stance since the 7th grade. But as you can see, listed as my orientation is 'Everything'. That is because I discovered something new about myself. But given my mindset and beliefs about bisexuality, I can barely admit it to myself. So that leaves me in this awkward place because I might be bi but I find myself hating it because I have this idea that I have to be all the way straight or all the way gay. But that doesn't feel right. I'm not all the way gay and I'm sure as hell not all the way straight. So one day I'll be depressed because I'll be a zero on the kinsey scale and a 6 on another. But the only thing that feels right is being bi. But I've always hated bisexuality so I hate myself! Idk how to go about accepting myself!!! I know I'm bi but that word sends chills down my spine. Saying it out loud is even worse! I feel like less because I'm bi -_- This also sucks because I'm in a relationship and idk if its fair that I feel this way sometimes. Well, I just don't know how to deal with these feelings while being in a same sex relationship. It feels like cheating! Like I'm cheating myself too. Idk, I was on the road to accepting it last night but its still killing me a little. Is this even possible?!? Ughhh __________________ "The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially." Ernest Hemingway

1st Feb 2012, 09:41 AM	#2
Hot Pink EC Addict Full Member Gender: Transsexual: MtF Orientation: Panromantic Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Minnesota, USA Age: 27 Posts: 622 Join Date: Apr 2011	Re: is this REALLY possible? I believe that the word you're looking for to describe what you're feeling is called pansexuality. That literally means everything: male, female, transsexual, gender queer, bi-gendered, etc. It means your sexuality is not limited to the gender binary. __________________ Pffffffft...

1st Feb 2012, 09:44 AM	#3
Rooni321 EC's Hopeless Romantic Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: gay, str8, bi Out Status: Out to everyone Location: San Francisco, California <3 Age: 17 Posts: 1,321 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: is this REALLY possible? Well you see I am bi. That's the thing. I just never liked it so its hard accepting it. When I say everything I mean gay, straight, bi __________________ "The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially." Ernest Hemingway Last edited by Rooni321; 1st Feb 2012 at 09:52 AM..

1st Feb 2012, 09:56 AM	#4
Hot Pink EC Addict Full Member Gender: Transsexual: MtF Orientation: Panromantic Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Minnesota, USA Age: 27 Posts: 622 Join Date: Apr 2011	Re: is this REALLY possible? So you're bi and hate being bi. Well, I'm not sure what else to say other than you have to do your best to accept it. After all, it's only a small part of you in the grand scheme of your life. __________________ Pffffffft...

1st Feb 2012, 10:30 AM	#5
DhammaGamer EC Addict Full Member Gender: MtF Orientation: Queer <3 Out Status: The closet is falling apart around me!!! Location: Michigan Age: 25 Posts: 372 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: is this REALLY possible? Imagine your bisexuality as a small child hiding in a dark corner of your mind. And for years you have been yelling at that child, chastising it, hurting it. You make it feel sad about itself. But now you've had a chance to look closer and you see that the child has your face. And you realize that the pain the child has been feeling is actually your pain. So pick up the child and hug it, hold it, comfort it. Love the child. Love yourself. Love your bisexuality. Own it. Nourish it. Be at peace with it. Compassion cures all suffering.

1st Feb 2012, 10:46 AM	#6
Chickzak Well Known Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: like girls; usually attracted to personality xD Out Status: 3 people & mum; still real confused Location: UK, SE England Age: 18 Posts: 245 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: is this REALLY possible? Sounds crazy, like you are you're own worst enemy I'm a little in the same boat as you, so all I can say is just read around forums on EC and hopefully you'll warm to the idea of being bi. That's what I was advised, I really hope it works for you <3

1st Feb 2012, 11:35 AM	#7
Jerseyboy gettin the hang of it =) Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: 8 friends and my sister..go progress! Location: North Jersey Age: 18 Posts: 55 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: is this REALLY possible? I kinda know what you mean. In my deepest stage of denial, I tried conditioning myself to be straight. I was at the point where I figured if I could just somehow train myself to respond physically to girls, like I did to guys, id be set...yeah didn't work out so well. All I got was frustration and a longer road to acceptance. Sorry but I really don't think it is, even as bi =/ good luck to you though, and don't forget, we're alway here =) __________________ "Now I know it's hard to be something that you don't think you are, but it's hard for me to even try to understand why you are beating your own heart." -The Rocket Summer

1st Feb 2012, 11:50 AM	#8
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,372 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: is this REALLY possible? I'm not bisexual, but I'd like to think I wouldn't have any trouble being bisexual. As a gay guy, I'm attracted to both rather athletic guys, and rather roundish hairy guys, and geeky guys. I don't feel the need to choose one type to be attracted to. As it turns out, I'm partnered with a rather roundish guy. But I don't feel that means I have to pretend athletic guys don't turn me on. And in fact, I probably look more at athletic guys now than I did before, by sheer fact of already having the round guy at home. But I don't feel the need to act on it. I can say "yeah, he's hot", then go home with my partner. And I think that's true of bisexuals as well. Lex

1st Feb 2012, 12:06 PM	#9
malachite EC's realist Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Orlando Posts: 6,480 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: is this REALLY possible? it may not even be the bi-sexual thing. Just changing what you believed to something else is hard for people, God just look at the politics going on right now. __________________ It's the 21st century, your bigotry is outdated. Either upgrade or go away.