I have a girlfriend!!!....oh shit!!

[Ace17]

So today I asked out one of my best friends whom I have been crushing on for a LONG time. (Heat of the moment, now or never type of thing.) I knew she would say yes since a month ago she told me she loved me...Now I am so confused as to what to do, I am not out to my family at all, and don't know how to tell them. I am very concerned that my dating this girl will eventually end up in their knowing. I know she won't tell them, her parents don't know about her sexuality either...I fear they will catch on or an outside party will tell them. I am soo scared to have them find out, but on the other hand I really like this girl and want to be with her more than anything....I know it will be hard to be with her since we will have to sneak around and stuff, but it is worth it to me....(I almost never leave my house, my parents don't want me running around.) The possibility of being outed to my family is scary! This might be a problem....I am so mad at myself, why can't I finally come out?!?

-I really need some help here.(again.)

[jargon]

Do you think they have any suspicions at all that you're gay? If not, you're starting to go out a lot with a single female friend shouldn't register as too weird.

If you're concerned about being found out by others and outed - how often will you likely be able to be alone together? If they don't suspect, your family and hers shouldnt be too concerned about leaving you two home alone once in a while. Just act casual abuot it and don't make it look like you consider it a big deal whether your parents are around to keep an eye on you.

[Ace17]

Originally Posted by jargon

Do you think they have any suspicions at all that you're gay? If not, you're starting to go out a lot with a single female friend shouldn't register as too weird.

If you're concerned about being found out by others and outed - how often will you likely be able to be alone together? If they don't suspect, your family and hers shouldnt be too concerned about leaving you two home alone once in a while. Just act casual abuot it and don't make it look like you consider it a big deal whether your parents are around to keep an eye on you.

I definitely think they suspect I am gay....My friends know I am gay and that she is bisexual, only thing that worries me is people who aren't my friend or hers....Um, I think it will probably be hard to be alone with her since my parents don't leave me alone.(Use to cut myself alot, they got worried and won't leave me alone now.)

[Ianthe]

Well, I guess the first question is... why can't you come out? What will your parents do? What do you think will happen?

Are your fears about coming out rational or irrational?

I don't mean that they are irrational, necessarily, just that I can't tell from what you've told us so far.

Realistically, what will happen if you come out?

[scooby]

You're 17, I don't mean to be glib, but surely "sneaking around" won't be so bad for this short amount of time? Are you a senior? You could be on your own in a few months and then who cares what your parents think?

[Uniboth]

I agree with scooby. You're young! Live life! If somethings you do turn out to be a mistake, learn!

The one regret I have right now is that I've lived too safe for too long. My entire life was spent trying to be as perfect as I possibly could. I never tried anything risky...so when I finally did make a mistake, I was lost. It's quite traumatizing to be making a 1st mistake at my age. I'm still recovering.

All the best!

[silverhalo]

I think it will be possible to keep it a secret if that is what you want, although even though its scary you could think about coming out to your family, unless you think they will react in a totally negative way?

[DJNay]

dont really have advice but that im in the same boat, so i know how it feels. my ex gf and i are both closeted (irrational parents) and we dated for 9. months without them knowing, we snuck around, and it was hard keeping it from our families. and its why we broke up, got too complicated.
But im sure it will work out fine for u, congrats btw
Im here if u need support.

[Hot Pink]

Just don't get caught with her in your bed. Congrats, though.

[Ace17]

Originally Posted by Ianthe

Well, I guess the first question is... why can't you come out? What will your parents do? What do you think will happen?

Are your fears about coming out rational or irrational?

I don't mean that they are irrational, necessarily, just that I can't tell from what you've told us so far.

Realistically, what will happen if you come out?

im not sure how they would react, my dad's sister is a lesbian who is happily married and he does not seem at all cool with it....my mom is the same way, she has said it was disgusting....

---------- Post added 2nd Feb 2012 at 01:51 PM ----------

Originally Posted by scooby

You're 17, I don't mean to be glib, but surely "sneaking around" won't be so bad for this short amount of time? Are you a senior? You could be on your own in a few months and then who cares what your parents think?

I am a Junior, I'm actually not good at the whole sneaking around thing, I get caught easily since I am not use to hiding stuff...other than my sexuality of course.

---------- Post added 2nd Feb 2012 at 01:52 PM ----------

Originally Posted by DJNay

dont really have advice but that im in the same boat, so i know how it feels. my ex gf and i are both closeted (irrational parents) and we dated for 9. months without them knowing, we snuck around, and it was hard keeping it from our families. and its why we broke up, got too complicated.
But im sure it will work out fine for u, congrats btw
Im here if u need support.

thx.

[b0i70y]

Time spent worrying is time that could be spent living life. They're all going to find out eventually, and while I'm certainly not saying you have to come out right away or anything, being in a relationship is a great form of emotional support when hiding who you are becomes stressful.

I think that having this relationship will be very beneficial, not detrimental, and you shouldn't worry too much about who'll find out and when.

Life is short - live it while you can.

[Ace17]

Originally Posted by b0i70y

Time spent worrying is time that could be spent living life. They're all going to find out eventually, and while I'm certainly not saying you have to come out right away or anything, being in a relationship is a great form of emotional support when hiding who you are becomes stressful.

I think that having this relationship will be very beneficial, not detrimental, and you shouldn't worry too much about who'll find out and when.

Life is short - live it while you can.

Detrimential? I am sorry but I have no idea what that means....

[b0i70y]

It means harmful.

Sorry, I have a habit of randomly using weird words.

[Ace17]

Originally Posted by b0i70y

It means harmful.

Sorry, I have a habit of randomly using weird words.

Oh.....Ha ha it's totally cool, that just means you are smart. :P

[Ace17]

Originally Posted by Hot Pink

Just don't get caught with her in your bed. Congrats, though.

Thx